My Sanity Needed Vents

[kayc]

16 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I’m sorry I drone on and on about this.

Please don't apologize, it breaks my heart to hear that, you have pain and fear legitimately, and we want to be here for you, I just wish it could be in more tangible ways.  If rooting for you could make a difference, it surely would, we love you.

I had a scare with Kodie, he ate 1/3 of a small cardboard takeout container (never having those around again!) and was listless, whimpering yesterday, wouldn't eat or play, I was seriously worried about obstruction, decided to give it one day to wait/watch, he pooped it out in pieces, I hope nothing is lodge somewhere, but he's pooping peeing, eating, drinking and finally smiling again, pulling on his walks!  I think walking helped, I keep hearing in my mind a vet telling me years ago when Arlie ate a huge container of dog food that walking aids digestion (he couldn't even sit down!) my son and I walked him until midnight!  He pulled through.

Then a scare on my truck, I'd noticed when I drove it that the washer fluid sprayed on passenger side but not driver's side, so I opened the hood and saw oil everywhere, the cap on the engine missing.  I also noticed a couple of tubes hanging open.  After freaking out and jumping to worst case scenario (don't you love anxiety!) I took pictures and sent them to my son...he sent one back with the lid circled (I'd left it off when I'd added oil) and he called and told me the two tubes just need put together and a wire put around it to hold it together so will do that today, but I put it together and it works now, filled oil up, tried wiping things down, don't thiink I'll ever get it all off my hands!  

A day in the life of...

Things we'd never go through if they were still here...

[Gwenivere]

6 hours ago, kayc said:

If rooting for you could make a difference, it surely would, we love you.

Thank you, Kay. My pain has increased greatly over the last 2 days.  They told me to listen to my body and it’s speaking up loudly today.  Don’t want to do anything but felt I should., so did a lap for my muscles.  

OT was here.  PT said maybe giving that up for my remainder here as I’ve identified the hard tasks and talked to my friend about solutions. We talked and agreed there wasn’t much more we could do here.   I’m still going to have them stop by just in case.  My biggest hope is I can sit around my house.  For TV, dinners and I need to start counseling again with one therapist.  Although this bed here isn’t to best, it sure is handy for dressing and best pain relief before sleep.  
 

The psychological side is going to be as hard as the pain.  There’s enough activity here to save me from the not leaving all day.  Won’t be the case at home.  I’ll have the pain to prevent me from doing something stupid like attempt to drive.  I just don’t know how to handle ‘witching hours'.  Mine is about 4 to 6pm.  I’d like to hear if anyone has certain times of day they know are going to be tough and how they handle it if they get stuck.  One day is bad enough, but I’m looking at week to months!  One trip to the surgeon on the books.  Will be back for the yucky time.
 

It amazes me how many weeks I’ve been away from home, yet how a day seems to last forever.  I did something I shouldn’t have, read some sites about failed surgery. I’m just so frustrated this feels worse.  I don’t even know what they actually did.  So many say I should be feeling better at almost 6 weeks, yet others say 3-6 months.  There is also a failed syndrome with this.  I hope PT is right that I’m getting a lot of stuff at one time instead of spread out.  But it’s created a fear of having to get up.  I should not have done that, tho I knew it before.  I really pinned my hopes on this. At least before surgery, i could bend.  

[nashreed]

I know what it's like to have a restless "witching hour". For me, it's between 1 and 3pm, when I can get out and I have to just drive around my depressing hometown. I usually have nowhere to go, and I don't even have visits with my father-in-law to look forward to anymore. 

I really don't know what I would do without music. Because I have misophonia, I have to listen to music to block out people eating, screaming brats outside, and other noisy neighbors, so I invariably have headphones on throughout the day. I can only listen to the real stereo between 5 and 7. Listening to 80's music is comforting. Music is really about all I have to look forward to. I'm not a TV person either, really. I get bored very easily with it. I do enjoy 70's and 80's game shows on BUZZR. 

[Gwenivere]

I looked up misophonia.  I now have a better understanding of why you are so drawn to music as that was said to be a good treatment.  The articles said this was more serious than the usual nails on a chalkboard.  That people can be sensitive to noise laden environments.  I know you miss your FIL.  Another connection to Annette.  I drove around and saw all the changes since Steve left.  Adds to his absence.  Hard witnessing the things we would have griped about together.  Really haven’t seen anything we’d be happy about.  We were used to a simpler time.  Less massive shopping and more mom and pop places in the neighborhood.  Kinda like Cheers....where everybody knows your name.

[kayc]

I knew someone who had something (he's been gone for about 40 years now), he stayed in, couldn't go to church or store or anywhere, people's voices bothered him, it hurt his ears, not sure if it was misophonia or something else but it was hard.

James, I'm glad music is soothing to you and you at least have that to enjoy.

Gwen, do they give you any idea how long before you can drive or is recovery too individual to try to predict?  Peggy was so lucky she had Bert to take care of her the year following surgery.  Today is one year since he's been gone, I'm taking her out, in between her eye treatments so won't get to eat until about 1:30 if I can make it that long.

Can you order your food from a store or restaurant?

[nashreed]

12 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I looked up misophonia.  I now have a better understanding of why you are so drawn to music as that was said to be a good treatment.  The articles said this was more serious than the usual nails on a chalkboard.  That people can be sensitive to noise laden environments.  I know you miss your FIL.  Another connection to Annette.  I drove around and saw all the changes since Steve left.  Adds to his absence.  Hard witnessing the things we would have griped about together.  Really haven’t seen anything we’d be happy about.  We were used to a simpler time.  Less massive shopping and more mom and pop places in the neighborhood.  Kinda like Cheers....where everybody knows your name.

It's really difficult to have misophonia. I get zero support or understanding from my family about it. You'd thinK that, since my mom has agoraphobia and rarely leaves the house (only for doctors appointments), she'd be sympathetic- but no. She (possibly deliberately) does things that aggravate it, especially always clicking and picking her long nails. 

My family probably really thinks I'm a lazy clod, but my losses have intensified my issues greatly, and I am on disability. They don't understand how difficult it was to get it- the hoops and the lawyer and the hearing. I'm sure I have Asperger's (and possibly other types of Autism, who knows?) Small talk is virtually impossible for me, and I don't look people in the eye. If I was a kid, I'd be tested and coddled and treated like gold- nobody cares if you're an adult with Autism. If it was a thing in the 80's, I would have gotten the help I needed, at least some coping mechanisms that would help me now. I had it under control well enough to work when Annette was cheerleading. Now, I just can't control it. 

 

[MartyT]

1 hour ago, nashreed said:

If it was a thing in the 80's, I would have gotten the help I needed, at least some coping mechanisms that would help me now.

Since you have access to the Internet, James, you have many resources available today ~ at your fingertips ~ that didn't even exist in the 80's. See, for example, Asperger/Autism Network and Autism Speaks: Resources and Services for Adults with Autism  ❤️

[Gwenivere]

1 hour ago, nashreed said:

Small talk is virtually impossible for me, and I don't look people in the eye. If I was a kid, I'd be tested and coddled and treated like gold- nobody cares if you're an adult with Autism. If it was a thing in the 80's, I would have gotten the help I needed, at least some coping mechanisms that would help me now.

That’s the rip of being  adults now.  Kids get much more intervention.  My old doc jumped on things he foresaw as problems for his young patients.  As adults, we have decades of habits snd usually self defined coping skills that could be better.  Neither of our conditions were well know for decades.  I look at many of the treatments they tried that were utter failures.  I do all I can to educate people snd the med community as it’s still swept aside as a 'nervous personality' that it is a physical condition too.  They should know this by now.  Not enough do.  Even depression which is recognized can be used to blow off some serious problems.  Medicine wants things.black and white and we know it doesn’t work that way.

[Gwenivere]

6 hours ago, kayc said:

Gwen, do they give you any idea how long before you can drive or is recovery too individual to try to predict?  Peggy was so lucky she had Bert to take care of her the year following surgery.

Can you order your food from a store or restaurant?

Wisdom tells me to wait til I talk with the surgeon. I’m in so much pain as it is I can’t see getting down the stairs to my car or how I would get in without help.  I do truly wish Steve were here obviously.  The usual minor things are going to be so  challenging to adapt to.  
 

Yes I can order food to be delivered. Gets expensive tho and D said she will pickup stuff.  
 

PT came by and was trying to figure out how I can sleep here without so much pain til I can try my own bed.  It took laying on my back with 6 pillows for my head and 2 under my knees.  I couldn’t hardly get up for that early morning bathroom break, much less get back in like I was.  I’m pinning a lot of hope on my home bed as it’s an actual mattress.  I appreciate their trying to help my remaining time here, but sometimes it’s not very feasible.  I also reminded PT they don’t know how long it can be waiting for an aide to help.  That will cost me sleep time and pain too.  
 

I took a quick walk in the hall alone.  Couldn’t go far without oxygen.  Frustrating.  My.levels drop so fast and enough that I forget I used to be able to go shopping or would often forget to turn my car tank back on. This whole experience is pushing me to limits, some I’m not sure I can achieve.  I’m not.as strong as they keep telling me.  Just got a message from my PCP after telling him my insurance needs him to say I need home help.  He asked if the facility could do it.  I shot back.....this is what I was told and for  him to coordinate with whatever parties involved.  I need what little energy I have to deal with recovery.  I can see scheduling when I need someone, but I’m not going to do more legwork.  I’m sick of it.  I got the info from my insurance so do it!  
 

crawling off to another night in paradise.  

[kayc]

18 hours ago, nashreed said:

I'm sure I have Asperger's

My friend (ex-fiance) Jim has that and learning about that helped me greatly in understanding him, how/why he responds like he does, what he can/can't handle, etc.  It helped me to ACCEPT him as he is, and I consider him a very valuable being.  He broke up with me 11 years ago and after a period of no contact for healing, figuring things out, we have remained friends since.  He's got his XW back and they now seem a "couple" yet both accept that I'm a friend and always will be.  Unusual perhaps, but it seems to be working for all of us! 

 

12 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Just got a message from my PCP after telling him my insurance needs him to say I need home help.  He asked if the facility could do it.  I shot back.....this is what I was told and for  him to coordinate with whatever parties involved.  I need what little energy I have to deal with recovery.  I can see scheduling when I need someone, but I’m not going to do more legwork.  I’m sick of it.  I got the info from my insurance so do it!  

Good for you!  Stick to your guns.  Damn with doctors!  They need to DO their work and not always just the easy thing for them!  We're not machines, we are PEOPLE!  How would HE like to be stuck in a facility!  Gosh this set me off!  I can imagine how YOU feel with it!  Enough is enough.. 

[Gwenivere]

Thanks Kay.  I didn’t make any phone calls today. Started my day with an anxiety attack.  They gave me a lidocaine patch that I think is the cause of a headache I’ve had all day.  I got restless before PT got here so did some significant walking in and asked to do a lap to hopefully help my muscles.  Could conflict with the new pain.  I’m reaching a point of so many weeks of pain and lack of sleep, I’m not even sure who I am anymore.  Everything is becoming a blur.  I talked to a very caring med assistant today and she tried her best to reinforce I will handle this at home. So tired of hearing this when I can’t be on my feet long without wanting escape from the never ending pain.  I’m realistic enough to know this is going to be a huge challenge.  Can’t call the surgeon today because they are closed.  I asked for help days ago and was blown off, like I don’t matter.  I’ve noticed the fear and depression are taking over as the only emotions I feel now.  The clock is ticking down to the supreme challenge.   

[kayc]

I woke up at 11 last night and never got back to sleep, that's with a sleeping pill!  Gave up at 3:30 and showered and made coffee...

Don't know how I'm going to drive three hours and keep up with the grandkids tonight.  They all go to bed later than I do.  I hope I survive this weekend.

Gwen, I hear you, I wish doctors would see us as real people.  I like my new doctor but the challenge is getting through the hurdles to get IN there!  Too much red tape...

[Gwenivere]

Cannot imagine getting up at that hour.  Your clock is all over the place.  Do you think it’s all the commitments and recent stress?  I’m trying to sleep with pain because of stress.  
 

I know you’ll survive, if anythIng, you seem to excel.  Either that or the kids will cure your insomnia.

I wish I never had to go to the doctor ever again.  Didn’t need them at all.  It’s been about 5/6 years since I lost my doc of decades and he was the only one I never dreaded.  I almost enjoyed it because he took whatever time was needed to cover everything.  Never left feeling we missed anything.  Wouldn’t happen now.  Max you can get is 30 minutes.  We’d often spend 90 minutes.  Never could happen now.  It’s a fight to get 20 minutes in less than weeks.

[KarenK]

Funny how your mind wanders when you've had too little sleep and too little to do to occupy your time and thoughts. This is just a meaningless story, but perhaps not so meaningless after all now that we have all faced our own loss.

I was just staring at our shot glass collection that sits on two small windowsills near the patio door. There's a set marked "His & Hers". I bought them at a yard sale my mother's neighbor had at least 25 years ago. She was downsizing in order to move in with her daughter. Her husband of at least 60 years had recently been killed. I remember that night so well. At dusk, Kay had knocked on mother's back door asking if we'd seen JW. He loved to ride his bike around the neighborhood offering to help anyone with anything. He loved to talk. Just the sweetest little guy. A little forgetful, but after all he was at least 86, so he always came home before dark. As Ron and I prepared to go look for him, a siren went screaming by. Kay knew, somehow she just knew it was for JW. He had ridden his bike out of an alley straight into traffic on the busy street without stopping. The driver had no time to stop. One little mistake and " blip", JW was gone. His life was over and so was Kay's. I never saw her again after she moved.

This is sort of how I feel some days as I'm sure we all do. It just takes one "blip".

[Widow2015]

35 minutes ago, KarenK said:

Funny how your mind wanders when you've had too little sleep and too little to do to occupy your time and thoughts. This is just a meaningless story, but perhaps not so meaningless after all now that we have all faced our own loss.

Karen:  I read your sweet story of your memory of a neighbor and how you can recall what a kind man JW was.  Even though JW died so tragically, the story was beautiful in that he has remained in your memory for his kindness.  Thank you for sharing your feelings with us.  Sadly, life's saddest moments can be just a blip that happened and leaves us grieving for a long time.

During this past year I have had to downsize and remove so many items from my past happy life.  In spite of removing so many memorable items, I still brought too many items with me; my new place has begun to look a lot like the tv program, "Hoarders".  I tell my grandkids and my kids, everything I have here with me has a "story".   The rest of my years I will try to be more dedicated to disposing of more items.

Yesterday I signed the closing papers on the sale of my house so I have promised myself to spend more time clearing a path so I don't stumble and fall.   Was a tough day, bittersweet in so many ways.  Hugs, Dee

[Gwenivere]

3 hours ago, KarenK said:

This is sort of how I feel some days as I'm sure we all do. It just takes one "blip".

Steve wasn’t a blip, but I’ve read enough here of people that experienced that.  I don’t know if either is in any way less devastating, don’t see how it could be.  Is the shock from a quick loss even comparable to spending time watching your hourglass running out?  It got to a point that we couldn’t ignore it anymore.  But at the moment, either way it is a blip and they are gone and we all wind up here.  For me, I’m grateful I didn’t witness it.  He wasn’t aware.  Had he been, that would be different.  I don’t have that image to carry with the weight of this grief.  I saw enough of it as he slipped away from me slowly over months.  He would not have wanted me to bear anymore as he knew I was dying with him.  
 

4 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

I tell my grandkids and my kids, everything I have here with me has a "story".   The rest of my years I will try to be more dedicated to disposing of more items.

I’ve found myself less attached to tangible things as time goes by.  It’s the memories that I cling to like gold.  There was a time that tangibles really affected me.  That you had to decide, pack them and now have a new home for them will probably add more closeness to them.  I’m glad you have family to pass them along to.  Some of Steve’s music stuff may still find a home. His guitar he left me has to go to our buddy from the band.  I’m giving  my jewelry to my cousin just to keep it in the family, but it won’t have that much significance to her never having met Steve.  It’s weird I really have no one to love my artwork to.  Maybe D as we have grown closer.  

4 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

Was a tough day, bittersweet in so many ways. 

I can only imagine how hard this is.  It’s final now and it is going to catch up.  You had such a hard time over the last year getting this all in place and hitting those unexpected speed bumps driving out of the neighborhood and onslaught of memories.  What I meant to put here was.     💖😓

[kayc]

18 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

Yesterday I signed the closing papers on the sale of my house

Congratulations!  I wish you happy years in this new "home" and pray it will FEEL that in time.  You've worked hard for this, I admire you for it.

Karen, poignant reminder of your neighbor, yes how a blip in time can change everything, it does.

To save my retyping, will copy what I wrote in loss of parent section as you all aren't there, save on my poor hands...
I went to take care of my grandkids (3 hours away)  yesterday, got surprised by a new dog who is VICIOUS and went through hell, Kodie could have been killed, I was terrified for him, but fortunately it was ME that got attacked instead.  I ended up driving myself to the hospital hours away and spent the night in there, getting home at 1:30 am, Kodie stuck in the car alone.  I have seven punctures and a lot of bruising, lacerations up to an inch, all on my left thumb and below it, my hand is 1 1/2 times it's normal size.  They're going to get rid of the dog, apparently he nipped Bethany too but he has aggression issues.  Kodie tried to stand up for me when he saw what the dog's intent was, I threw him back up onto the washer and commanded him to STAY, then the dog struck, so glad it wasn't Kodie, it would have been fatal for him.  And glad my grandkids are okay, although normally dogs know their pecking order in a family and know it'd not go well for them if they hurt the kids...evidently he didn't apply that to me, he doesn't know me.  He is one of the most beautiful dogs I've seen, Husky, usually they're not aggressive, don't know what's been in his background, he's ten months old, looks about 70 lbs.  It left me having to drive in the dark, which I haven't done in 8 1/2 years!  Can't get my hand wet and it hurts like hades.  8th dog bite inside two years!  

[Widow2015]

14 minutes ago, kayc said:

I went to take care of my grandkids (3 hours away)  yesterday, got surprised by a new dog who is VICIOUS and went through hell, Kodie could have been killed, I was terrified for him, but fortunately it was ME that got attacked instead.  I ended up driving myself to the hospital hours away and spent the night in there, getting home at 1:30 am, Kodie stuck in the car alone.  I have seven punctures and a lot of bruising, lacerations up to an inch, all on my left thumb and below it, my hand is 1 1/2 times it's normal size.

Good Lord kayc:  You have got to have a change of bad luck soon.  How much more can you and sweet Kodie endure?  It's sad the dog has to be removed from their home, but the children, you and Kodie, need to feel safe.  I'm not an expert on dogs, but the poor animal needs rehoming/retraining or something.  Now, who will be around to watch out for you without your full use of your hand?  So glad Kodie wasn't injured.

P.S. Thank you for comments on finalization of my home sale.  Painful day, but now onto learning a new way to live in a very different environment.  Take care, Dee.

[KarenK]

Kay, just so sorry to hear this happened to you! Why didn't someone drive you to the hospital? Who took care of the grandkids?

Some larger dogs do not like smaller dogs, see them as prey. Marley is vocal and aggressive toward small dogs and cats. She is part Husky and Shepherd.

Glad they are rehoming the dog especially with the children around. Just wish they  had done it sooner or given you a "heads up".

[kayc]

1 hour ago, KarenK said:

Why didn't someone drive you to the hospital?

My son came home from their "fundraiser dinner" and took care of the kids while I drove myself, poor Kodie had to be in the car for hours, not knowing what was going on, when I'd come back, where he was.  He was an angel throughout.  It so touched me that he tried to "protect me" but it would have resulted in his death had I let him.  My DIL stayed at her "dinner," it would have been nice if she'd come home and taken care of the kids while Paul drove me to the hospital!

They'd only had the dog for ten days, he'd wanted to "surprise me," he did.

Shepherds can be aggressive but Huskies it's more rare.  I suppose any breed can have some depending on how they're raised.  The people had told Paul they were moving to AZ is why they couldn't take him (too hot) but the guy did tell him his wife was afraid of the dog...red flag but some people ARE afraid of them w/o cause, not in this case I don't think.

[KarenK]

Yes, it's hot here, but I've seen many Huskies.

Shut my mouth, but your DIL sounds like a real piece of work!

[Gwenivere]

My gawd, Kay!   Huskies are known to be aggressive and protective. Not a breed I’d choose if I had children and lots of visitors.  Im sorry to hear your DIL didn’t find this serious enough to give up dinner.  You shouldn’t have been alone In this.  
 

Sounds like red flags about the dog.  Definitely not a situation for a ‘surprise' for you.  New dog, no history of behavior with strangers and little with the family.  IMO, sounds like the whole thing was mishandled. As a kid I did kid and dog sitting.  I knew what to expect.  
 

How are you going to handle being at home with these injuries?  I know it’s family, but I hope they help you with the costs for care.  
 

I’m so glad you were able to protect Kodie.  Now it’s getting you fixed.  The whole situation blows my mind.  What were they thinking?  Sorry, I’m blurting my thoughts.  I care about you and this makes me angry.

 

[Widow2015]

51 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

 I care about you and this makes me angry.

Ditto.   Dee

[Gwenivere]

Can tell things are winding down here.  OT came by for the last time.  PT didn’t show at all.  Did my very mini version by walking the hall which is limited without oxygen.  Didn’t sit in the chair for half an hour as it hurts.  Got my shower but it was especially tough.  We have a rain front moving in and Tuesday is supposed to be the worst which figures.  I’m still overwhelmed thinking of all to start doing at home. I got a B12 shot that always revs up my anxiety, but not annoying like getting it at this time.  I didn’t need extra stimulation.
 

I was talking to my neighbor here and she told me of her med history.  (Obviously the big topic in these places).  Can’t walk because her B12 flatlined, has dialysis 3 times a week, blew out a replaced knee, has to be redone as well as the other, hopes to walk again.  I thought about my plight and wondered if I’m feeling too sorry for myself.  Every step of it her son has been there.  There was the difference.  Not a day goes by she can’t call him.  She said she was in another rehab she hated and he had her out in 24 hours.  She talked about positivity and I see where she finds it.  I was falling into the comparison trap again.  
 

I think of all the things I did at home that i have no experience with since this change.  The docs want me to keep moving and I’m going to have to see how that works in a confined house.  Just praying for a refuge spot.  There has to be one or I will go crazy from pain.
 

I’m not looking for pity, just validation my situation IS as valid as everyone else’s.  Everyone here’s situation is their reality and challenging to them.  I’ve seen the crippling times and when someone does something I admire for their strength.   

[kayc]

17 hours ago, KarenK said:

Shut my mouth, but your DIL sounds like a real piece of work!

You don't need to shut your mouth around me!  You have no idea what I've put up with over the years from her.  I don't talk to Paul about it because I know he's doing his best to make things work, he wants to be able to raise his kids and keep the place he's worked so hard for...he's watched his friends divorcing and losing their kids & home so another man's living there raising their kids!  I get it.  I try not to make things tougher on him.  I admire his conviction but don't think I could do the same, I did for 23 years with his dad and couldn't take any more.  They've made it nine years, a long ways to go.

15 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Huskies are known to be aggressive and protective.

Not what I've found at all.  I had Skye here for 3 1/2 years and Arlie too, and Kodie is a miniature one, Jazzy is Husky, normally they're friendly, something is different about Enzo.  Mozzie was Husky/White Shepherd, she was wonderful...if you weren't a chicken!  They're goofy, energetic, friendly, wonderful dogs, this one is too much.  Even for a ten month old puppy.  Arlie was nearly a year when I got him, he was a gentle giant.  They are strong willed, and like to run off.  They've gotten Bruno trained.  it can take years but Arlie turned out the best dog I've had (Kodie has joined the ranks) of course he had Golden retriever mixed in, that helped tremendously.

 

15 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I hope they help you with the costs

He will pay any out of pocket expenses.  I couldn't remove the gauze bandaging until this morning and I discovered the largest laceration did not glue shut as it was still bleeding, so I put Neosporin on it and a bandage.  Dread trying to go to the doctor for it.  Do NOT want to go to ER!  

It's to rain heavily last night through Tuesday night, then lighter Thursday on.  I touched up the paint on the vent that peeled last night, not the greatest, may peel again, but not quite as noticeable.  Had to dab paint on my car in semi-darkness as may be last chance for dry weather for a while and it's been nearly a year since the hit and runs and I don't want it to rust.  I'd wanted my son to do it, can't figure the canister out, it's weird, not at all like the one for my previous car.  I hate directions, they're like Greek to me!

11 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I’m not looking for pity, just validation my situation IS as valid as everyone else’s.

Of course your concerns are valid!  And you bet having someone here for you would make all the difference in the world!  That's what I find challenging, I don't have someone here for me to call on...yesterday I had a very hard time getting the firehandler's gloves on and getting a load of wood up on the patio, even just a small one.  I will need to build a fire as the temps are dropping into 50s daytime.  It was 90s this week!  Crazy weather.

I have a friend coming over at 11:30 unless I can get a doctor's appt...and I doubt that.  It's not working out because they're always too busy and too much red tape.  I may have to go back to my old place, but maybe different doctor, it doesn't help to have a great doctor if you can't see him.