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Does The Grief End?


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Simply put....No.

Today marks the ninth year after Kathy left and I have discovered that I really hate this day.  No matter how much time has passed you always remember. All of those horrible days at the end, they just come back. Even though I am married again and to the most lovely soul I could ever have come to meet, I will always love Kathy and Patty will always love Ron. His demark day comes in just five more days so we share this week and hold on to each other. She asked me yesterday if I was OK. It is truly a blessing to have her in my life because we share that feeling and care about how we both feel and love who we have lost. I am writing this because I know that  so many others are going through time without the love they had and I want to express how important it is to go on living. They would never want us not to for we live in honor of the lives they had and keep them dear to our hearts. Hard as it is we must keep going and look for how we can better our lives and those around us who suffer too.

I always said I could never marry again for I lost the one true soul mate I had. I said once that it would not be fair to be in another relationship and keep the memory of my lost wife in my home and thoughts. The thing is that when you meet someone who "gets it" and shares what you had everything changes in that. You realize that it is indeed possible to love two people at the same time. Maybe I am just blessed, I don't know, but there it is. I didn't have to give Kathy up or hide my feelings. I just wish I could forget the suffering at the end. That brave girl who had more courage than anyone I had ever known is one thing I won't forget and that my friends is a good thing to remember.

No matter how many years pass and even though the pain lessens, keep going. It is the one thing you can do to make purpose of your life. If you can help just one person in any way then wasn't that a good reason to keep trying? I knew from the beginning that there had to be a reason I was still here and she had gone. I held on to that thought as I discovered ways to give back life for all it had given me. If you think the pain ends one day, better think again. That pain is what makes us better souls. It reminds us that we give a damn and in some ways that makes me feel better. Kathy made me a better person just for knowing and living with her. It's the least I can do.

I want to express to all of you that we ourselves are grief counselors in that we can help the new lost souls with our own survival and lessons we learned on the way. I would like to thinks that is one way we can make a difference by staying alive.

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23 minutes ago, KATPILOT said:

I want to express to all of you that we ourselves are grief counselors in that we can help the new lost souls with our own survival and lessons we learned on the way. I would like to thinks that is one way we can make a difference by staying alive.

Truth! I agree with you completely, dear Steve ~ you and Patty shine like beacons in the fog, and serve as inspiration to us all.

Your loyal patronage and ongoing support for our GHDG mission is tangible, and I am so very grateful for your presence in our tribe. ♥️

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Steve and Patty, You are both in my thoughts and prayers as your anv. of death is here...George (iPraiseHim) just went thrrough his fifth.  No we never stop loving them and thus never stop grieving them.  I too am glad you and Patty found each other though!

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Thank you dear ladies. I regret I have not had the time to come here very often as my work and that of Maui Pasta has been quite demanding yet I will spend more time here in the future.

Until then I hope all our members continue supporting this grief sanctuary in any way possible for it has saved my life and well may save yours.

Marty your tiresome devotion to all of us is beyond,,,, way beyond inspirational.

And we thank you.:wub:

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This continues to be the best "grief sanctuary" Steve.  You and Patty are always in my thoughts and prayers.  Life does keep all of us very busy.  Know that I keep you and Patty forever in my heart. 💜How fortunate we are to have forever friends. 

Anne

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On 2/17/2020 at 9:57 AM, KATPILOT said:

 

I always said I could never marry again for I lost the one true soul mate I had. I said once that it would not be fair to be in another relationship and keep the memory of my lost wife in my home and thoughts. The thing is that when you meet someone who "gets it" and shares what you had everything changes in that. You realize that it is indeed possible to love two people at the same time. 

Exactly!!!!!! I said the same thing. Although I have not remarried yet. I have been with this guy for over 3 years, on and off. He gets it because he also lost his girlfriend of 20 years. It's nice because we can both talk about our lost loved ones and it is ok. It was just hard for me in the past and every few months I would break up with him. We have been back together for over 3 months now. Things are different this time. I have learnt to talk to him about things instead of just running the other way. We are taking things slow this time. It has been really hard for me. I do know that Richard wants this for me. He would want me to be happy. 

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And I'm rooting for you!

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  • 4 months later...

I just wanted to share some feelings I have had lately. I am not sure if it is just this crazy time we are living in or if I simply feel a connection with Kathy as perhaps she stays close enough to let me know she is there. If I were younger I might feel quite stressed about my future but living with Patty for three years now has changed me a lot.  Yes our third anniversary is just a week away and while it seems like only yesterday so much has happened that I wonder if Kathy even recognizes me. I don't get back here often enough so some of you may feel like I have moved on and found happiness anew but that is not totally accurate. Oh yes I have found new happiness and love like I can never explain but the pain of loss remains still. It can grab hold of you when you least expect it and I am happy to be able to share that with Patty who has similar episodes as well. I guess we are lucky the two of us to have that.

That "One day at a time" thing still plays out in my life only it really goes fast.  I never thought I would still be working at 72 but at least I can.  I think I must like what I do.

The point is that even with so many changes and life moving on, I still know the grief is always my companion and perhaps we have become friends. Do I still cry sometimes? You bet although not too often but there is joy as well  thanks in no small part to the new angel that slipped into my life. From that day Feb 17, 2011 my life changed  more than I ever thought possible. It shall never be recovered. The past can never be the present or the future, kind of like living in a post virus world. Will we ever look at daily routine the same? Will I ever forget to wash my hands like I do now? Will I ever go to happy hour and feel secure again?  John Lennon said it. "Strange Days Indeed" Funny thing though how my business is booming and I am not even open but by appointment only and masks are required. Maui Pasta is even doing better than before... being closed except for take out. "Strange days Indeed.

And still I miss her. I always shall.

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I do know exactly what you mean...I haven't found love again, but I did try although I haven't dated in ten years and am not actively seeking anyone...I relate to you in that I coexist with my grief, and new love or not, I know we can enjoy whatever good comes our way even while our grief is still with us, which it will until the day I die.

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  • 5 months later...
On 7/10/2020 at 4:59 PM, KATPILOT said:

"Strange days Indeed.

I never come here, but I'm glad I did.  I am so  happy for you and Patty.  I guess I get stuck in one rut and forget to turn the wheel.  I'm glad the business is doing great too.  My good hopes for the both of you and a hug from me for you and Patty.   

hug.png

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On 2/17/2020 at 7:57 AM, KATPILOT said:

Simply put....No.

Today marks the ninth year after Kathy left and I have discovered that I really hate this day.  No matter how much time has passed you always remember. All of those horrible days at the end, they just come back. Even though I am married again and to the most lovely soul I could ever have come to meet, I will always love Kathy and Patty will always love Ron. His demark day comes in just five more days so we share this week and hold on to each other. She asked me yesterday if I was OK. It is truly a blessing to have her in my life because we share that feeling and care about how we both feel and love who we have lost. I am writing this because I know that  so many others are going through time without the love they had and I want to express how important it is to go on living. They would never want us not to for we live in honor of the lives they had and keep them dear to our hearts. Hard as it is we must keep going and look for how we can better our lives and those around us who suffer too.

 

And now the tenth.   This year seems a bit different. Perhaps because of Covid which Patty and I contracted yet came out clean on the other side. This year seems harder than last for why I do not know. It just does.  The memories of this day are as clear as if it just happened, every little detail.

To all my friends here I hope for the safest travel through it and the strength to get past the bad anniversaries. 

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Oh wow, I'm so sorry you guys got Covid but VERY glad you made it through!  My little sister had it too for about a month, took a bit longer to regain her stamina.  
Yes, you are so right and I'm not sure it's the ten year mark or that we've had the year we've had!  It took me years to process my grief, years more to find purpose, and years more yet to build a life I could live...then Covid isolation came and set me back to square one with that.  Throw in the political atmosphere, financial hits, it's just been a tough year.  That I don't have George to go through this with...defies description.

Wishing you and Patty nothing but happiness and better year ahead.

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