Trying to live again

[Johnny]

Hello all those that know,

I've been missing for awhile but I'm still staying strong and fighting for what I can see is still good in this world. Gwenivere is a true inspiration for me and Ipraishim cause I am not dealing with all the health issues that have been a part of y'alls life. Forgive me if my southern slang shows through. But, as so many of us have said, I am a fighter, and I will rage against the dying of the light. I am in Seattle once again and am enjoying all the many facets of this most interesting place.

Trying to learn to live again is so very difficult cause you have to hide the private hell your going through just to make connections again. But, if that's what I have to do then that's what I will do,

Life is short. I had better make the best of what time I have left with no regrets. Do what you want and to heck with the rest. It's hard, but we all have love inside us. If we have to keep it to ourselves to survive, then so be it. Learning to live again is so very hard, but it's the only way.

God bless

[Gwenivere]

It’s good to see you again, Johnny.  Enjoying Seattle this time of year shows you aren’t a native.  🙂

i undertand your sentiment. It’s very positive.  Wish I were cut from that cloth.  I can’t suppress my inner pain.  It just eats me up when I do.  I’m trying not to be burdensome to others, but I’ve definitely changed from who I was.  I don’t know if I’ll ever truly live again, but I would like to be more content.  This so shows how different each persons path is.  Keeping that special love I feel I have no one to give to is so very hard. I wish I could give it to someone, but it is Steves.  It’s only for him.  I’m learning to make sure anyone I love knows it now.  Don’t want to risk losing anyone and not have them know how important they are to me.  There’s not many as many slipped away, but there’s still time.  It was one good lesson from this.

I’m glad you aren’t having physical battles.  That changes one’s outlook immensely.   I know I would be more receptive to things to try if I could depend on my body more.  It’s so hard to believe I was so free a few short years ago to try new things.  To get tired from action, not depression.  

Your attitude is a light for those still lost.  I hope it will help others see there are other paths maybe it as dark.  That is what is so great about this family, so many inputs to show possible views and feelings.

[kayc]

Good to hear from you!  Praying your health continues holding out and you are able to build your life again.

[widow'15]

On 3/2/2020 at 11:12 PM, Johnny said:

Hello all those that know,

I've been missing for awhile but I'm still staying strong and fighting for what I can see is still good in this world.

that have been a part of y'alls life. Forgive me if my southern slang shows through.

Trying to learn to live again is so very difficult cause you have to hide the private hell your going through just to make connections again.

Life is short. I had better make the best of what time I have left with no regrets. Do what you want and to heck with the rest. It's hard, but we all have love inside us. 

Learning to live again is so very hard, but it's the only way.

Johnny:  So good to hear from you again and you are still doing what it takes to keep going forward.  You sound strong and you are taking one day at a time learning how to live again.  Don't apologize for your "southern slang".  I grew up in the south and love southern slang.  It's been years since I have been south, but when I used to return for my visits, it would take about five minutes and I'd be sounding like everyone else.   And, you know our Marg shares her Southern wisdom so well.   Welcome back to the Pacific NW.  Dee

[kayc]

Besides, I love Southern drawls and y'alls!  My best friend moved back to TX a few years ago, I miss her so much!  Miss our Cappuccinos and her cute way of talking.  I love Southerners...just don't like the weather there.  Not that I like Winters here! 

[Johnny]

15 hours ago, kayc said:

I love Southerners...just don't like the weather there. 

Thank you all.

I have to laugh cause I have spent November, December, February, looks like all of March as well before all is said and done, right here in the great city of Seattle. The weather in the South during the summer is brutal. Last year in May we had a whole week where the temperature was in excess of 100 degrees. Then, if you throw in the humidity and the insects I sometimes wonder how I've managed living there all these years.

Since I've been in Seattle I practically burn up like a lobster in a pot of boiling water if I am in an area of the ship where it's above 52 degrees. When I get back to South Carolina I think I'll probably die from the heat! I really have become acclimated to the weather here. I see others on the ship that are my co-workers all bundled up in layers and I'm running around in just a skinny T-shirt.

Gwenivere, I understand when you said "Don’t want to risk losing anyone and not have them know how important they are to me" cause that is something that I am struggling with right now. I have decided that I want to take a chance and that means that I am also excepting all the risk that are inherent when you open yourself up once again. It is a very difficult thing to do and I can only move forward taking one baby step at a time. But, I am moving forward and have managed to do some things I never thought I'd be capable of. Harder things await me, this I know.

Dee, If you actually heard me speak you could tell instantly just how bad my Southern drawl really is. I even surprise myself when I here my own voice played back on a recording!😁

It's pretty bad, hahaa!

Best wishes to all and good to hear from everyone again!

 

[kayc]

Nothing bad about a southern drawl, I could listen to it all day!  My bestie is from TX!  She's adorable.

[Johnny]

On 3/5/2020 at 10:04 AM, kayc said:

Nothing bad about a southern drawl, I could listen to it all day!  My bestie is from TX!  She's adorable.

Thank you KayC,

You're too kind! 🙂

[Johnny]

Hello everyone

I'm still in Seattle and I am among the lucky who are deemed part of the essential crew. We are fortunate enough to be able to continue our work on the ship and today we reached a glorious milestone which will most probably mean my companies small crew of five will be able to go home back to South Carolina by April 30th. Since I am coming home from what my state has called a "hot spot", I will have to be quarantined in my own home for 14 days once I arrive.

I am planning an exit strategy and I am fortunate to have someone place a few groceries in my home before I arrive. All is well with me and my crew and all my family and friends back home. My Aunt Jolene called me recently and she informed me that she was calling everyone she knew to check and make sure they were alright right now.

I think it's a good idea and thought I would check in here with everyone in the hope that everyone is doing as best as they can right now and staying safe.

You all have meant so much to me when I could only see pain after the loss of my dear wife Rene'e. I still love and miss her immensely.

I am doing my very best to do as she wished.

I am still trying to pick up the peaces. I love you Rene'e, always and forever.

God Bless 🙂

[widow'15]

Johnny:  So good to hear you will soon be completing your work in Seattle and getting to return to your home, family and friends.  You sound like you are staying on track to find a new life since losing your dear Rene'e.  I am sure Rene'e is very proud of you.  You are an amazing young man and even though we will always miss our spouses as long as we live, it is important we continue to find our way the best we can without them. 

Thank you for your concern for us here on the forum.  This social distancing has been difficult but hopefully will pay off.

Stay safe.  Dee

[kayc]

Johnny, praying good health for you and everyone...two weeks quarantine, can you go outside?  It's good you had someone buy some groceries for you ahead of time!  And great that you've been able to keep working.  

[Johnny]

KayC-

Yes I can go outside and thank goodness I will have my fur babies too! Home quarantine for two weeks by myself is a good idea since they say 1/4 of the people who have it can be walking around and not even know it. Don't want to take a chance with the people I love. It will be hard cause I've been away from home now for over two months.

Anything to be safe and home again with family.

God Bless

[Gwenivere]

Will you be working after your 2 week quarantine?  I know it’s for essential employees.  Washington just went to about mid May we are shut down except for that.   I’m glad you will be reunited with your fur babies.  So nice that someone got you food too.  

Stores are going to now limit the number of customers to half what is usual.  This will be a problem for people like me with back problems and having to stand waiting.  Guess if I see a line then will have to try other times.  Many are closing earlier to restock.  Stores are days out on home delivery .  About a 5 day wait.  I’m wondering if this will hit the airlines soon.  Some states haven’t been as vigilant soon enough and that could keep things going longer.  I don’t know how the economy is going to recover from this.  I’m hoping on mortgages and rent they suspend payment and interest til people have monthly income again.  I did hear talk of possibility dropping college loans for those in health care training.  That would be awesome as those people are in such dire need and are already be called in to work depending on how far along they are.  

I sent a donation to a local church that has been giving out meals on Sundays.  I stopped once to ask what was going on and they fed me!  Stopped by yesterday to donate and they fed me again.  I’m a believer in paying it forward.  Want them to keep this up as there are a lot of homeless a few blocks away that finallly found them.  

This is all so hard to adjust to.  If only we had our partners to share in this.  It would make all the difference.  

[kayc]

Gwen, I went yesterday, and the line moved fairly quickly, people were 6' apart so it looked longer than it really was.  That's so sweet of you to donate to that church!  Our church is providing free lunches to children 5-18, and I imagine it really helped them, any donations they can get!

Johnny, Hoping the two weeks passes quickly for you and you can walk your dogs.  The nice weather just started here!

[Kieron]

On 4/6/2020 at 9:30 PM, Gwenivere said:

 I’m a believer in paying it forward.

I am, too.  I figure it eventually comes back around, since everything moves in a circle, even if it's a long, wide arc that takes years to bend back around to its origination point. 

Johnny, best of luck riding out your waiting period!  I'm sure you'll be fine.  😃

[Johnny]

Thank you Gwenivere, KayC, and Kieron

I am considered as an essential employee since we are an important contractor for the USCG and Navy ships. I am very grateful to be allowed to continue to work my job back home in South Carolina after finish 14 days of home quarantine upon return.

I am fortunate to be going home early this week on April 19th instead of April 30th. I am very excited although I expect I'll burn up from the heat since I've acclimated to the Pacific North West temperatures of winter. Sixty degrees feels like I am burning up and I can't imagine what eighty degrees would feel like again.

My company is paying our Seattle crew to home quarantine for the two weeks when get back home.

Everything is turning out better than expected for me and I am grateful for the opportunity and experience I've gained while working in Seattle.

Glad to hear from everyone! The days are getting better and I still remember to tell Rene'e I love her every morning.

Stay safe and God Bless

[widow'15]

5 hours ago, Johnny said:

Everything is turning out better than expected for me and I am grateful for the opportunity and experience I've gained while working in Seattle.

Glad to hear from everyone! The days are getting better and I still remember to tell Rene'e I love her every morning.

Johnny:  Your gratefulness of what you have accomplished is uplifting.  You are deserving of all that you have worked for.  Have a safe trip home.  Dee

[kayc]

Johnny, It sounds like it's all working out for you, am so glad you'll be paid to self-quarantine.  Hope you have A/C!

[Margm]

Johnny, if my drawl is noticed, I just drawl a little more.  I have to hang up on phone marketers with English as a 2nd language because it is a second language to me.  I just tell them I only speak ancient southern grandma English and cannot understand them.  They seldom call back.  I have not read the forum in a few days and sometimes I get so carried away writing it can just be skipped over.  (Probably is often).  Bless their hearts.

Glad you found the forum.  It actually saved my life.

[Gwenivere]

I hang up on hone marketors just because they are annoying!  I hate the ones saying the are from Microsoft and something is wrong with my computer.  If I’m in a decent mood I mess with them and ask for their ID number and a call back number so I can verify them.  Poof!  They are gone.  Now I just say, no you’re not and hang up.   

Havent seen Johnny on here since April.  Hope he is OK.  He sounded good in his last post.  Always wishing him the best thru his grief.