Almost 10 years since I lost my father

[John12]

Hi,

I’m 23. I just had a bad day, probably the worst in years. I’m sure many of you who have lost a parent at a young age know what I’m talking about. I ask myself all the time if it’s normal for me to still think about my father passing every day, but nevertheless I do. I have truly felt lost emotionally for the longest time and I believe it prevents me from making true relationships outside of anyone who doesn’t know my past or had a similar experience. I’ve never sought out help, but I just can’t help it because I break down when I think about how vulnerable about I’ve been for a long time.

I just wanted to try and ask this group, has anyone had a moment when they felt the turned the corner in terms of making relationships having felt so much grief at a young age?

-J

[Mark Coz]

Thank you for sharing john, most people don't have the courage to share. Make yourself whole and you will attract different kind of people. You attract who you are, change yourself, change your world.

 

[MartyT]

Dear John, you don't say how old you were when your father died, but I hope you won't underestimate the profound effect this experience of parent loss can have on a child. So much depends on so many different factors, including what, if any, support you were given as a child.

The good news is that it is never, ever too late to do the work of grieving. (See Bereavement: Doing The Work of Grief to see what I mean by "grief work.")

I invite you to read this article, and ask that you pay special attention to the list of additional resources listed at the base: Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song.

I also encourage you to consider a session or two with a qualified grief counselor, who can help you sort through and discover where you are with your grief and where you can go from here. (See, for example, Finding Grief Support That Is Right For You)  ❤️

[John12]

Hey MartyT and Mark Coz,

I appreciate your kind words. I find them very useful in how I have been reflecting.

That day I posted was in fact a bad day, and most days I am not feeling that way. A close family friend had passed and it brought out some underlying thoughts/emotions that have always existed. 

Ive just had the urge for the longest time to reach out and just talk to someone, and I think I finally will.

Many thanks for your thoughts,

John

[kayc]

John, Wishing you the best, I'm glad you decided to reach out.  Grief doesn't just go away over time, it helps to do our grief work and part of that is expressing ourselves.  It helps to have a safe place where we know we're heard and understood.