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[kayc]

They haven't started opening up here yet.  Counties applied to the state and the governor will let us know who passes muster to start phase 1.  I think ours will be done much like WA.  If there's a spike, it will set us back to lockdown again.  Not sure we'll ever be as we were before, no more hugs and handshakes for sure.  And then us widows will be without touch for good.

[scba]

I expect a set back and be all locked down again.

[Gwenivere]

I reached a frustration level yesterday now that curfews are in force.  Damned rioters had to go and make things worse.  I’m as angry at them now for making a huge challenging time even worse.  They probably will ruin moving towards phase 2 for us and threw out the possibility of 1.5 they were going to try.  

I’m furious knowing today will be another day no knowing hours of stores or businesses to add to this craziness.  The people I talk to ot there and from here are getting restless.  Some are facing challenges and pain they haven’t shared yet.  I hope to see everyone soon checking in on how they are doing.  If ever we need each other, it’s now.

hugs to you all!   💖

[Gin]

We were supposed to open here tomorrow on a limited basis.   With all the recent riots and looting, I doubt that will happen.  My excitement for today will be to  put away the groceries I ordered and do one load of laundry.  That will be enough pain for the day.  All trains and busses are cancelled  going to downtown area.    Gin

[kayc]

7 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

If ever we need each other, it’s now.

That is for sure!  The riots aren't in my town but Eugene and Portland, but Eugene's will affect this county and I hope it doesn't prevent us from moving to phase 2...which could mean we could have a church service Sunday!  Will know by Friday night.  Of course I know it won't be the same for me as it means sitting alone, six feet from anyone else, not sure how we'd fit everyone in.  They've rearranged the tables in the Sunday school room, not sure everyone will fit in it if one person sits at a table...we have a lot of widows.  And no potlucks, etc.  But it'd be nice to be there for something besides doing their books.  

[Margm]

"Keep a notebook" and we all know what a disaster that was.  I don't dare go back to my week of the 20th in October 2015.  I was near suicide, had a plan that actually comforted me until religion tugged at me.  I must have been completely "out of it" mentioning it to one of my kids who promptly gave me a fussing that they had never done..  I truly was not in my right mind, and they knew my "right mind" was not right anyhow.  They all stayed angry at me until I promised I wouldn't.  And at the time I was thinking "how selfish of them" and also thinking "how could I hurt my kids so much."  I felt like I should have gone first but since they were stuck with me still I thought it might me important that I stay, even if I didn't want to.  

"Widow by S" I have not seen, but we had some others that stayed awhile.  I'm happy for them if they found happiness, even a tiny bit of it, in some other way.  I do know some of us hold things in.  Poor analogy, but I have my belly problems, and always will have them..  I know when my stomach swells, I have eaten the wrong thing and usually I have to throw up.  I have not done that often (thank goodness), but sometimes by throwing up all our feelings, getting rid of the poison, it leaves us feeling better.  Well, I said it was a poor analogy..

If some do better without the forum, that is fine too.  

I just told a friend/cousin who lost her husband one year ago.  Her kids are not close.  She is alone but for her church home.  Her little fur baby, 15 years old, he passed away yesterday.  She is one who will take people's well meant advice and stew on it and get angry.  I told her when it got too much for me, I got in the car and just drove (and we have plenty of country roads.  She comes from a tiny place, only child of only child's.  It helps her to get back in our old country, peace, old barns, no houses, just the road, wind, and car.  It helps me, but what helps one does not help us all.  She will stay home and stew about what a friend tells her and will just get angry.  We share same DNA, so guess it makes her feel better too.

Speaking of DNA, they did tests on Kelli's genetic workup and she has what is called Goucher's disease (pronounced go-shay).  It actually had to come from a combination of Billy's and my DNA and it causes the spleen and liver to enlarge.  They have thrown her around from doctor to doctor and finally, a psychiatrist found it by running the gene analysis on her.  It is fairly rare, and I know by working at a teaching hospital, a rare disease will get all the attention.  For one thing they are making  her switch hematologists (he is the one who went into her sinuses while doing the Covid 19 test.)  She is so tired of being poked, probed, and MRI'd and CT'd though and switching medicines constantly.  Scott had his x-rays, and we should be hearing from them.  In the meantime, you know I have had some illness, not getting around as spritely (like I ever was), and my sister pushing me to go to a doctor.  I cannot make her understand, I am fine and those guys will kill me.  We won't even mention Brianna.  She actually likes being quarantined.  

 

[Margm]

On 5/14/2020 at 5:01 PM, scba said:

I expect a set back and be all locked down again.

Ana, and Cookie was back there some place.  I'm glad you are both okay. I think I talked myself out in the last few notes.  I will let up on this one.  Glad to see people return.  Ana, I know you are still around sometimes, but I was worried that Cookie had left us.

 

[kayc]

Today is George's birthday.  He would have been 66.  Do they celebrate birthdays in heaven?  They should, it's the one time it can be all about that person, let them know how special they are.  Anyway, the day started out with my little sister emailing me Happy Birthday to George, she even remembered his age, that meant a lot to me.  It's going to be weird to go to church and about my day and no one will remember.  My one sister I talk to every day, her phone has been out and won't be fixed until tomorrow sometime, been out three days.  I tried to report it but the phone company said everything is fine.  That's what they said last time too.

[MartyT]

We remember with you, dear Kay . . . ❤️

[Gwenivere]

Kay, we all know how hard birthdays are.  What do we say on such days to the survivor?  That we understand. I hope George could feel your love.  💖

[kayc]

Thank you, both of you caring means a lot.  I don't think people who haven't been there can begin to understand how such days are.  I actually had one of my sisters remark the other day something about "You have to have moved on from it!"  I set her straight.