Missing ex girlfriend during lockdown

[Appleman]

So I’ve posted here before almost a year ago, ex girlfriend left the relationship the day her mother passed away from cancer. I’ve had my ups and downs and I’ve tried distracting myself the best I could. Recently due to lockdown with COVID19 I’ve had a lot of time to sit and just think and it’s made me miss my ex lots. I know it’s a lost cause as the relationship is dead it just still feels sad and unreal and I still hold so much love for her as a person. I feel pathetic for having so much feelings for her even a year later. On her birthday I even sent her a lemon tree ( symbolic of the first house warming gift that her mother gave us when we moved in together )  and a necklace hanging on tree with her mother’s picture engraved on it. I didn’t do it to get her back I just knew how bad of a day it must’ve been for her. At first she was very thankful and I thought maybe we could be friends and I could check on her. As time went by and I sent a check up text she got extremely angry and told me she didn’t want friendship or anything with me.... I don’t understand what I’ve done to her ( I was not obsessive, I checked up on her once maybe every 2-3 months )? I really just want to get rid of these feelings as it’s been too long and I don’t know how when I love her so much. Does anybody have any suggestions? Sorry for typos it’s 4 am and I’m typing on a phone

[kayc]

Right now is a particularly difficult time when you may feel set back because whatever you've been doing to build your life or try to move on is gone for the time being with this lockdown.  I'm feeling that way with the loss of my husband, it's been almost 15 years but I'd worked really hard at building a life for myself that I could live and poof, in an instant it's all gone!  I know it'll be back but it doesn't help much with the interim feelings.  I keep thinking how different this lockdown would seem if he were here with me.  I walk my dog and see neighbors out working in their yard, BOTH of them together, and me...there's just me.  Single, solitary, alone.  No one checking on me, no one caring how I'm doing, no one keeping me company.  It gets to you and can play with your mind.

Keep to a schedule, if you have a hobby you can do at home, do it.  Try cooking a new recipe.  Call someone.  Take one day at a time.  You'll get through this.

I would venture to guess it has less to do with that person and more to do with our current times.  She's made herself clear, and you may not get "why," we don't always get explanations or nice neat closures, but we can continue our lives and eventually be okay with it.  It takes effort, you may feel setbacks, but it'll happen, you'll get there.  One year may seem a long time, but sometimes it can be a drop in the bucket.