Loss of Brother

[Grieving Sister]

Hello,

I lost my younger brother in April of 2019. He was 19 and a twin. I was 22 at the time. 
I know it’s only been a year without him, but I really can’t seem to move forward with my grief. It’s definitely not as bad as it was, but I still think about him every single day, and I still feel overwhelmed multiple times a week with my grief. I only want to listen to music that makes me think of him, I don’t want to return to my hometown because of this, and I’m scared that my parents will find out how badly I’m doing. I’ve dealt with mental illnesses in the past and don’t want to worry then with this when they’re grieving the loss of their son. 
I also feel like the living twin, along with my parents, are seen as worse-off with their grief than I am. I hate feeling this way, I feel so guilty, but my brother was mine too. 
I know this is a lot but I have so much to get off my chest, I really don’t know where to start. I feel helpless. 

[MartyT]

3 hours ago, Grieving Sister said:

I know this is a lot but I have so much to get off my chest, I really don’t know where to start.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." You start with where you are, my dear, and sharing your story here with us is a very good place to do that. We are here for you, and we are listening.

I want to point you to some reading that I hope you will find helpful, because I firmly believe that although grief is as individual as we are, the more we learn about it, the more we understand our own reactions and the better prepared we are to cope with them. Note that at the base of each of these articles are links to additional resources:

Grief: Understanding The Process

Sibling Loss: When Grief Goes Unacknowledged 

Bereavement: Doing the Work of Grief

[kayc]

I am so sorry for your loss.  Of course you have lost him too and I'm sorry you don't feel that is acknowledged.  People in our society aren't well versed in grief and often don't know how to respond or what to say and I'm sorry they fail miserably at acknowledging it and being there for you.  So many times I've heard Dr. Phil say "You teach people how to treat you." and I think there's some truth to that.  We don't get there though by hiding our feelings.  LET your family/friends know how you are feeling.  You can be respectful but truthful, sensitive yet honest.  They may be surprised but more inclusive in their grieving with you or being supportive.  After my dad passed away, my mom appreciated that I'd talk with her about him, she said most people avoided mentioning him as if bringing it up would "cause her to think about him" as if she wasn't already thinking about him each and every day!  It made her feel better to know that someone else also missed him and valued what a good person he was.  It may be that this would be the case with your missing your brother too.

Grief has a beginning but not an ending.  Life as we know it is changed.  We are not the same people we were for having grieved...I lost my dad 38 years ago, my mom nearly 6 years ago, my sister 2 years ago, my companion dog 8 1/2 months ago, my 25 year old cat 4 months ago in addition to a niece, a nephew, grandparents, aunts, uncles, many friends, many pets.  Loss is part of life...but when we lose someone who is part of our immediate family unit, someone we were very close to, it takes on a whole new meaning.  I want to acknowledge your grief and let you know you can come here any time and pour out your feelings and know you will be heard.

In addition you could look for grief counseling and a grief support group...they will likely resume once this pandemic is past but there are counselors that "meet" over the phone meanwhile.