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anne_223

Wating to be single after death of parent

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My dad died of an heart attack this month and my world just came crashing down. He was only 50 and i’m 20 and the thought of having to live a lifetime without him really scares me, and breaks me. I’ve been in a relationship for the past 2 years but now its like i’m void of feelings and can only focus on missing my dad. As bad as it may sou d dont have it in me to care or give attention to my partner and honestly I would love to be single right now. But at the same time i dont know, its like I know I love my partner but I cant really feel it and like everything in my life now I would love to be able to pause it for awhile

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My dear, if you've read any of the threads in our Loss of a Love Relationship forum, you will find that your response to the death of your dad ~ including its effects on your relationship with your partner ~ is not unusual. As you say, you feel void of feelings and can only focus on missing your dad, which leaves little energy to pay attention to your partner's needs. Open and honest communication with your partner is essential, especially now, when your grief is fresh and you are in mourning. Oftentimes in grief we don't even know what we are feeling, much less why we are feeling as we are, so it is becomes quite difficult to explain ourselves and our needs to others ~ and difficult if not impossible for them to know or to intuit what we need from them. If you find yourself unwilling or unable to talk openly with your partner about what you are thinking and feeling and wanting and needing at this challenging time, I urge you to seek the support and guidance of a qualified grief counselor ~ and if your partner is willing, you might consider asking your person to join you. 

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Anne, I am so sorry for the loss of your dad.  Marty is spot on...your situation is posted in Loss of Love Relationship over and over, either the break-er or break-ee.  If you go there and read some of the threads, including the most recent one, you will see how common your feelings are.  I agree with Marty, it'd be good to have some sessions with your counselor before taking any action and perhaps helping you at least have some clarity before doing so.  Wishing you the best going forward!

I lost my dad in my 20s, it can leave us feeling cut adrift, they were the one person in life we always felt they were there to be counted on...it can take some time for you to realize you can make it on your own, and it can really help to have some guidance of a grief counselor as we're often thrust into this position without having a clue how to proceed...kind of like trying to drive across the US without a map or GPS (or worse, like me, with no sense of direction!).

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