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Reflections After Eight Years

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May 25, 2012 ~ 8 years Ago ~ I lost my spouse, the love of my life, after forty years of marriage.


Some things I’ve learned about grief over the years…grief is not an illness

***There is no end to the pain of the loss of a loved one. It gradually fades into the background and allows one to breathe a bit easier.

***Crying eases up but there are always triggers that bring it on again and again and again.

***Talking to my loved one helps me get through a day.

***There are some things that you will always keep that belonged to your loved one and that is okay.  There is no right or wrong way around this.  It is as individual as each snowflake.

***People will say things that seem harsh, but I believe that their intentions are good natured.

***It is OK to laugh.

***Find the people who will sit with you and not try to “fix” you.

***Celebrate special days ~ it may be different, but it should be because the one who celebrated with you is no longer physically present as he/she used to be.

***If you need help because of your loss reach out and ask.  There are caring experts who are willing to listen and not judge you.  Some people will need medical help and others will need a caring grief expert. Whatever you need ask for it.

***Selfcare is not selfish.  Make time to care for yourself.  It is good for the soul.

***If the only thing you can do on any given day is get up ~ do that and let it be enough.

***Celebrate the days you have on this earth ~ they are gifts

***I have survived a great loss ~ perhaps there is hope for me that I will survive another

***music is good for the soul as is reading ~ some days I read like my books are going to be taken away from me!

***spend time outdoors ~ each sunrise or sunset continues to amaze me ~ look for new buds on trees or flowers popping out of different places ~ smell the fresh cut grass ~ swimming is a good exercise and easy on my painful joints

 ***spend time doing what you like ~ find a new hobby ~ I learned how to play the piano (sort of) and I spend hours coloring and I also renewed my interest in meditating  

***Good memories are more often thought of now than those last weeks before your death

***I am alone, but I am not lonely ~ my small family is out of town and I am so grateful for email, Skype, FaceTime, and Zoom

***one of my greatest gifts is continuing to connect with others who are grieving

***I have been blessed with those who have not left me to grieve alone ~ some people have been with me for these eight years and I am so grateful to them  


  Sending love and virtual hugs,





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enna:  What beautiful thoughts and words.  All so meaningful and touched my  heart.  Thank you for sharing these feelings.  Dee

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Beautifully written, true words.  I will be thinking of you as the 25th approaches.  Sending you much love!

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