Coco Forever Posted July 14, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2020 Well the last 10 weeks of putting my body through nonstop emotional stress and sadness has finally took its toll on my body and mind.I’ve spent the last three days in the hospital as I began experiencing chest pains and shortness of breath while doing my job which is delivery driving.Glad to say they have not found anything but further investigating is needed but I told the doctors that the death of my dog has broken me and they said that stress is a very big factor when suffering any bereavement whether animal of human and I’m now thinking maybe a heart attack wouldn’t have been a bad thing as it’s 10 weeks and life is still a daily struggle for me.I just cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel for all I’m trying to accept his loss. Frankie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 14, 2020 Report Share Posted July 14, 2020 I'm so sorry, Frankie ~ but relieved to know that you're still here with us. Have you thought about joining a pet loss support group, or seeing a grief counselor who understands and respects the human-animal bond? Maybe it's time to consider it. See, for example, Finding Support for Pet Loss ♥️ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 14, 2020 Report Share Posted July 14, 2020 Frankie, how frightening that must have felt! We are glad you survived...I know you can't see the point right now, it takes much time before we can see up, but it can come, that's why it's important to hang in there. I can't tell you when because it's individual for all of us, but I assure you that when my husband died I felt like that, we were so close, and again with the loss of Arlie. I've lost countless family, friends, animals but those two were by far the hardest, they are the two I was closes to, my family, my life! My son brought me my little Kodie before Christmas and I'm so glad he did! I was thinking, "No more dogs" as I knew there were no Arlies out there, but Kodie is so sweet and I'm thankful I have his company, the timing was good as I don't know how I could have handled living totally isolated during this pandemic if not for him...and they're saying maybe another year of this. He doesn't replace Arlie, no one will or ever could, but he's created his own spot in my heart. Sunday we had a close call, we were on our walk and Kodie loves horses, wanted to see this one so we greeted her and she seemed friendly enough, even walked along the fence with us. Kodie poked his head in the fence and all of a sudden she stomped hard!! He pulled his head back just in the nick of time! Her hoof came down super hard where his head had been! She barely grazed him, it scared him and hurt his feelings. I held him close to me and walked home...it shook me up for hours afterwards, what could have been! I realized I can't live without HIM now! It's very scary whenever we put ourselves out there like that and become vulnerable to love of another, but that is what we have to do to give/receive love. Without which the world seems a colorless meaningless place. I hope and pray you will be able to have that again. I have learned it is worth even the price of loss. When I think back to losing my husband George or losing my sweet Arlie, I gladly pay that price of loss for the years we enjoyed together. Well maybe not "gladly" exactly, but you know what I mean, it's worth the price for having experienced what we shared together. I would not have done without any of it! Praying you get well. Have you tried walking, prayer/meditation, for lowering your stress? It can help. And even though lavender is not a scent I prefer, I've heard it is calming... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coco Forever Posted July 14, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2020 Thank you MartyT and Kayc for your kind words and compassion and Kayc I’m glad Kodie is ok after the close shave with a horses hoof which does not bear thinking about if his head had of been there.For all that I love my parents and siblings the one thing I didn’t want to hear from them is I must get over him.God darn haven’t they noticed how hard I’m trying to?I know they all mean well but none of them have owned a dog so they haven’t a clue of the overwhelming grief that comes with a loss.Regarding exercise I do go out for the odd couple miles run but until I get the all clear even this now is on hold and yes MartyT I will look for a pet loss support group as am sure it won’t do me no harm.Lavender Kayc is a great idea especially for putting on my pillows so will give that a try.Thank you for your support🙏🏻 Frankie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dogmom Posted July 14, 2020 Report Share Posted July 14, 2020 Kayc, you always have a very thoughtful and helpful reply. Your comment that, "It's very scary whenever we put ourselves out there like that and become vulnerable to love of another, but that is what we have to do to give/receive love. Without which the world seems a colorless meaningless place." We all did just that, we put ourselves out there and loved GREATLY, and now we are crushed by our loss. We would never not have wanted what we had, we just don't want what we don't have any longer... Both you and MartyT have commented that the greater we have loved, the greater we feel our loss. Very true words. Frankie, I am glad that you went to the hospital and relieved that there was nothing, but sad that the stress and grief brought you to this point. It is a testament to the strong mind body connection. I feel like we were hit by the perfect storm right now, losing a best friend, living alone, being isolated due to the virus, and lack of access to physical support systems. Even here, in Arizona, the usual grief loss support groups I looked into aren't meeting, and Telehealth counseling fell short for me. I'm starting an antidepressant this week. It's been 15 weeks now and I just don't feel like I am moving forward. I am stuck in the past of what I have lost, and not able to see any positives for the future. Intellectually I know that time will help with the healing, but am sidelined by how hard I am taking the losses. The one positive note in my life is that I have my other pup Zoe, who I LOVE with all my heart, but I don't have the same long term bond with her yet (she's 5 yrs old), like I did with Roxie (15 years), so it is different. But thankfully she is in my life, as she is a positive force for me every day. I am sorry that your family is not as supportive as you would like or need. Not everyone develops that special bond with their beloved pet as we have. So they'll never understand. But at least here in this group, we all do. Frankie is there anyone you know, friend maybe, that also has a dog and would be a good person for you to share your feelings with or spend time with? Would you be open to fostering a dog for awhile? How is it in the UK with the virus lockdown? Are you able to go out at all? What activities have you enjoyed in the past when you are not working? Are there volunteering opportunities? Anything to get you out of the house (if advisable...) and distracted from your thoughts? Well, please take care of yourself and know that others share your pain and sorrow and are sending positive thoughts your way. Michele 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Haber Posted July 15, 2020 Report Share Posted July 15, 2020 Hi Coco Forever, I am new sadly to this group, i just put my beloved Jolie to sleep on Monday. I cant breath, I cant move , i cant stop crying. worse pain I have ever felt. Every inch of my house and backyard and neighborhood reminds me of my love. I am so, so sad. With this horrible pandemic, there is nowhere to go to escape. I feel so lonely and empty. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 15, 2020 Report Share Posted July 15, 2020 @Laura Haber I am so sorry, it is one of the hardest things we can go through. If you're up to it, perhaps you can start your own thread and post a picture of her when you're ready? Yes, the worst pain in the world. I lost my beloved Arlie 8/16 and miss him each and every day, I love him with all of my heart and look forward to the time we can be together again. Sending you thoughts of comfort... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Haber Posted July 15, 2020 Report Share Posted July 15, 2020 Coco Forever, I just put my beloved Jolie to sleep on Monday, July 13. She was 16, we rescued her at 14. She was a little beagle mix that we called the cutest dog alive among other endearments. I knew it would be bad but I never imagined the pain I am feeling. My sadness is overwhelming, I miss her so much that I feel i cant cope. Every inch of my house, my yard, my life is filled with her.My heart actually hurts with sadness. i cant stop crying, screaming walking around in a daze. I am so so sad. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Haber Posted July 15, 2020 Report Share Posted July 15, 2020 This is my sweet love who i need so much and can never have agiain 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coco Forever Posted July 15, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2020 Michele as ever beautifully put and i and am sure with everyone else on here offer you our support and good wishes as we are all at least grieving together and not alone even if it is via social media.To say i want this year to end right now would be a gross understatement and no doubt the worst one in my life even through the many traumatic episodes I’ve had as nothing comes close to this.I think your right about distraction being the key but it’s not as though I’ve nothing to do as I like running/walking and love reading about Roman history.It’s just that I’ve lost all purpose of enjoying life since my Coco passed and I must admit like yourself I was tempted to ask for anti depressants but I drive for a living so decided not to.Lockdown has virtually ended here but still many people die everyday and face masks to be compulsory when out shopping.Great when I’ve been having breathing difficulties.As I’ve previously said when our job market picks up I’m going to get a part time job and think about some volunteer work with animals as I certainly will not be working five days into my old age.As for another dog it’s a no but I never say never.Just too raw at the moment.Thanks for all your advice. Frankie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coco Forever Posted July 15, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2020 Laura I and we all feel your pain and grief.I know it’s no consolation right now but 16 is a great age and you must remember and cherish all the wonderful years you had together and she’s beautiful by the way.It would have been my boys 10th birthday this Sunday so that day is going to be hard for me as I know I’m sounding like a parrot but ten weeks on since my Coco left this earth and I’m a broken man which resulted in a short stay in hospital.I wake up every morning praying and hoping the days will get better but they are not as I think of him when I close my eyes then when I wake everyday and the tears have not stopped yet.It’s going to be a long process but by coming on here you will receive great advice from people on here who have and are going through what you are.Sending you hugs Frankie 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 16, 2020 Report Share Posted July 16, 2020 @Laura Haber She is beautiful, beagles are sweet. I know your pain is great. I still see images of Arlie laying on the couch, or being able to hold his big body on the bed, the way he looked and smiled, his extreme goofiness and games he'd make up to play with me. I miss him more than I can ever put into words. It's 11 months today. I fear the images growing more distant with time, I don't want to lose any part of him! My heart is with you as you go through this, I know it's the hardest thing in the world, kind of makes the pandemic pale in comparison. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coco Forever Posted July 19, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2020 Well it would have been your 10th birthday today🎉You’d be playing with your new toys then we’d be going for a long Sunday morning walk then I’d give you a few treats when we got back.I miss you every second of every minute of everyday and my life is so poorer for you no longer by my side😢Love you forever and forever ❤️❤️❤️🌈 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dogmom Posted July 19, 2020 Report Share Posted July 19, 2020 Thinking of you this weekend Frankie. Knowing it is an especially hard day today. I believe that Coco hears the birthday wishes coming from you and knows how much you are missing him. It sounds like you celebrated his birthdays in style! 🎂 He looks adorable in this picture 🕶️. I read the 1st Kate McGahan book last night. Cried most of the way through it. Will start book #2 today. Thank you for suggesting them. I bought all three. Our lives are forever changed. I am trying to grasp the concept that even when our loved ones are not here, our love keeps them with us. It's a hard concept to accept. Hang in there today, and tomorrow, and every day thereafter. You are not alone in your feelings. We will love them forever and wherever they are now, they will love us forever. We were so fortunate to have them in our lives, even if only for a short while... 😭💔 Sending you a virtual hug across the ocean today... Michele 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coco Forever Posted July 19, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2020 Thanks Michele.Yes I woke up at 5 this morning as I was always up early on his birthday as I loved giving him his presents and just generally spoiling him.Made myself a cup of tea then sat down with his urn telling him how much I miss and love him so you can imagine there’s been plenty of tears today😢oh what I would give to hold and cuddle him now.Still finding it hard to accept he’s gone forever as the title of this thread sums up my emotions right now even after nearly three months of his passing and I can say for me it’s not getting any easier but life goes on not just for me but for all of us suffering a loss of a dear and beloved pet.Hope you are keeping well and safe in these strange times.Sending hugs Frankie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 19, 2020 Report Share Posted July 19, 2020 I believe they know they are in our hearts and we are thinking of them... Sweet boy, thank you for sharing his picture with us! Happy Birthday in heaven, Sweetie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coco Forever Posted July 20, 2020 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2020 Thank you Kayc.Yes he was only about 2yrs old on that picture.If only to turn back the clock😔Here’s a pic of him as a puppy.Wishing you all prayers and peace Frankie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 20, 2020 Report Share Posted July 20, 2020 Just look at the size of those paws! What a beautiful, beautiful boy! ♥️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dogmom Posted July 20, 2020 Report Share Posted July 20, 2020 Awww, what a cutie! Love his eyes! Chocolate labs are just so adorable, at any age. I am sure that yesterday was a rough day. I am hoping today is a better day for you. 🌺 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 21, 2020 Report Share Posted July 21, 2020 How quickly it seems to go! It seems only yesterday I was adopting my Arlie too...I cherished each moment of the 10 1/2 years I had him. My Arlie was a big boy too (I love big dogs)! Sweet picture of him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coco Forever Posted August 4, 2020 Author Report Share Posted August 4, 2020 Well it’s 100 days since you left this world 100 days when my tears have flowed 100 days of pain and sorrow 100 nights of being all alone As I rise out of my bed i cannot get you out of my head Every night I dream of you Oh if only they would come true Deep down I know that this cannot be no more of you and me i love you more than words can say Your in my thoughts every day Forever broken is my heart it will never mend as long as we’re apart Coco I miss you so so much😢😘😘😘 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted August 5, 2020 Report Share Posted August 5, 2020 Beautiful face, beautiful dog, beautiful words . . . ❤️ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dogmom Posted August 5, 2020 Report Share Posted August 5, 2020 Such adoring eyes, showing so much love for you. I know you are missing Coco more than anything in the world, your feelings are well expressed in your poem. I can relate to every line. I am soooo sorry... Thank you for sharing this photo, Coco has such a sweet face. It's obvious you both loved each other so very much! 💕💕 Hang in there... take it one day at a time... that's all we can handle right now... 💔😭 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 5, 2020 Report Share Posted August 5, 2020 I feel with you...in 11 days it'll be one year since I lost my Arlie. I just ordered a custom made memory bracelet, like this one only in blue and with an A. Thinking of you... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coco Forever Posted August 5, 2020 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2020 Guys/gals thank you for your lovely words and you are all in my thoughts and prayers in our sad times and Kayc that is beautiful.I must have spent over £300 on the Etsy app on memorial gifts but I still can’t put them on show as still too raw but hoping when/if time eases my grief I can put them on display. Love to all Frankie x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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