sammy

[Helene]

I put my darling boy down on Wed. He was so sick, but I miss him so much.  We had been together for 13 years...How do I do this? I don't know how to be OK.  He was there through my brother and dad's deaths and my divorce. I hurt and miss him so much. I am so raw....

[kayc]

Welcome, Helene, I am so sorry for your loss.  When you are up to it, maybe you'll consider telling us a little about him, posting a picture of him.  It is the hardest thing I know of, they are there for us unconditionally loving us, through all of life, our greatest gift...and when they go their absence is keenly apparent, we don't know where to start to begin to heal from this pain.  My soulmate in a dog, Arlie, passed Aug. 16, cancer, I had him euthanized when it got too great.  There are no words to adequately describe my feelings, he was my heart dog, I've never grieved over one like this.  He was so perfect for me, I love his personality, his size, his looks, everything about him and it left tremendous pain in it's wake.  He is buried in my backyard, and 4 1/2 months later my Kitty was laid to rest next to him, she was 25.  My husband's ashes are scattered close by, as well as other pets I've lost over the years.  I find comfort knowing they are there, as I look out my patio door I see their memorial stones.  I would give anything to have him back but alas that is not availed to me.  I look forward to the day we can be together again.

It takes much time for the old habits/rituals to not hit us upside the head daily, and to fade into a different existence.  I have my Arlie's coat hanging on a chair and I stop and hold it, his leash and collar hanging by the door.  The spots he used to lay are now barren, I see him laying there and then it fades and I see he's gone.  

Right now the memories are extremely painful...someday the pain will lessen a bit and they may bring you comfort or a smile, but not right now.  I have a mixture of both pain and smiles at memories of him now, but I know I'll never be "over" this, but rather have to continue living with this unwanted change.  Oh why couldn't dogs live longer!  He was the most deserving wonderful dog in the world!  And I know you feel the same about yours.  

I hope the thought in this video will bring you some comfort.  Not sure exactly how it all works but I do believe we'll be together again.