Father''s Day

[Margm]

My father, my kids father, my kids, including my son who is a father.  It sounds terrible to say  "Happy" because we miss most of them, but my son will be over today.  He is a grandfather more times than I am a grandmother.  Life is life.  Some still existing.  My picture of my dad holding me is with his brother, who now is about 87.  He has "been fruitful and multiplied" also.  And that is one thing we all had, even if we cannot remember them.  A father.  My kids/grandkids had the best father, he was a good mother too, and grandfather, sadly he never knew his great grandchildren.  They would have been loved.

[scba]

I have my father and I love him so much, but we are apart today due to the pandemic. He is a loving father.

I lost my paternal figures. My grandfather at 11yo, he bought me my first bycicle (red) for Xmas. 

My uncle, mom's brother, I was 28 yo. We laughed so much together. He took me to Disneyland twice. 

My uncle, dad's brother, who introduced me to reading, history and political science. Most of the books in my library were his.

And my fiance....he wanted to have a family, to have children or adopt them. We made plans. He had that dream with me at his side. He never doubted of it, I did sometimes cause I was scared, not because I didn't want it..... It won't happen, his vision is gone with the wind that took his ashes away...our children won't ever exist. 

Big hugs to all of you today

Ana

 

 

[Kieron]

Mark may not have been a father in the biological sense, and he lost his own father at age 19, but later in life, he was everyone's daddy.  He was the one people called when they needed advice and he gave of his time and listening ear to many who had no one else to turn to, or whom no one would listen to.  It was remarkable to see. ❤️

[Gwenivere]

Steve was 'dad' around here too.  When I ran into problems, he’d say 'let BSD (big strong dad) take care of that'.  Like your partner, Kieron, his ear was always open as well as his heart to people.  All our furry kids would go look for dad if I asked where he was. Jump around when I said dad is home.  Sometimes would have to get him off his cell as he was driving them crazy sitting out there in the car.  His nephews adored him and little kids did too.  There’s a lot more than biology to being a dad.  I miss mine today.  I can still hear the NY accent in his voice he never lost.  He wouldn’t let me come down to NM when he was dying and I now see the gift he gave me as he absolutely did not want any pictures in my head of his last state.  We talked as long as we could by phone.  He took on a ready made family with me and my sister, tho she never accepted him having known our biological dad into her teens.  I get it now, but as I kid I didn’t understand why she was so cold to him.  You can’t replace your father.  He was my dad tho.  Miss you dad!  

[widow'15]

With a lot of self encouragement, I accepted an invitation to go to my son's house for dinner today.  The offer to drive an hour to his home would force me out the house which I haven't left since June 9th when I went out to pick up my Maddie's ashes from the mortuary.  I know Gwen, you are shaking your head and wondering how can she stand to stay home for such a long time?  I sound like a crazy person, I'm sure. 

The difficulty of the day was leaving my house without my Maddie in the back of my car eagerly waiting for a chance to run outside with my son's two dogs.  After spending a comfortable day eating outside in the warm sun with my two grandchildren, my son and his fiance coming home was even more sad when I opened my garage.  Still, there was no Maddie to greet me, no one at home.  No one, nothing but an empty house. 

My Father passed away when I was 16 years old and there have always been a feeling I lost out on many years of memorable events a daughter enjoys with a Father.  He was only 40 when he died, my Mother was 38 with two children and limited ways to earn a living.  If nothing else, his early death taught me there is no guarantee in any marriage that a husband will always be there to watch over a family.  This event forced me to be sure I needed to first have some kind of training to be able to support myself before I could be persuaded to marry anyone.   

My son struggles without his Dad and finds it difficult to even talk about memories of him.  I worry about his pushing his grief aside.  I feel he does it so not to experience the sadness and pain.   He will have to find his own way I know.  Just so hard to be a Mother sometimes and keep my feelings to myself.

But, was glad I encouraged myself to leave my house today.  I was able to watch the kids be kids laughing and playing together.  Dee

 

[KarenK]

My father died when I was 30. He suffered an abdominal aneurysm. I stood in the empty street watching for the ambulance to come from two blocks away. It took them thirty minutes. I've never figured out why. When they finally loaded him, I said "I'm right here, Daddy." He replied " I know you are". Those were the last words he ever spoke. He died in surgery just as I was praying to God to save him, thus my almost lifelong aversion to a higher power. Though stern at times, he meant the world to me. It will always be a sad memory.

Ron was a good father to both Debbie and Ron. As his father did for him, he taught Robert about life and survival. They loved each other very much.

[kayc]

George's first wife took the kids and moved away where he couldn't find them.  He didn't find them until we were married, he tracked his son down through the military and oddly enough located his daughter even though she married and her name changed.  He spent many hours digging through public records...

I am so glad he was able to make contact with them and talk to them, to learn when he became a grandpa, to talk to his daughter the night before he died, she called him Dad and said she loved him.  He was the most caring man I've ever met.  I am here if they ever want to know more about him.

Yesterday was hard for me, as Father's Day always is...it is a reminder of the dad I lost 38+ years ago as I was about to have his grandchild.  It is a reminder of the kids' dad and how our marriage/family didn't make it.  It is a reminder of my kids and how their lives have moved on.  It  is mostly a reminder of losing my George 15 years ago on that day.  I received an email from my little sister and Marty, that's it.  I'm glad they remembered.  Even going to church, not one of them mentioned anything to me, not even his best friend...it seems everyone's lives move on from it but our own.  This is something we carry alone.

 

[Margm]

My dad passed in 1984, a very hard death.  Billy's dad passed in the 1960's.  Another very long hospital bed, extended death.  We are much kinder to our fur babies and do not want to see the extended suffering.  My dad had ulcers on his heels from digging them into the egg crate mattress from the pain, despite the amount of morphine had reached the limits that could be given to him.  Sitting by his bed the secretions choked him and respiratory brought the "snog" machines.  The only time I saw him open his eyes and it was in terror.  My sister-in-law lay between the white sheets, no labored breathing, no outward sign of pain, and then she wound down like an old clock.  Just did not breathe, did not have any fighting for breath, just ceased breathing..  We all watched things we do not want to bring into our brain's "mind" of the most precious thing in our life slipping away. 

"And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light." (Dylan Thomas) 

My father raged, Billy's father raged, Billy raged a short while (thank goodness now).  At the time I was not thankful.    

We all rage still.  

[scba]

Powerful verses.