my constant struggle

[honey2020]

I am sixteen years old and I lost my father suddenly in May. He was 54 and i dont know how he survived what i am going through , when he was 18 his mother died after a long battle with breast cancer and when he was 26 his father died of heart problems. its been two months and i feel unhappy all the time no food leaves me satisfied, and i have horrible anxiety all the time.Because of covid i never got my last moments with my father. My mother feels a huge guilt for not taking him to the hospital sooner but the doctors failed us they thought it was corona before even listening to the symptoms and i dont know how to comfort her. Im so worried im going to forget things about him. its overwelming how much we didnt do and i feel so sad all the time but its like i but a shell around the feelings and dont think about it . My brother argues with my mom all the time and it really stresses me out . im so confused ive never felt to alone

[kayc]

I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my dad in my 20s and thought that was hard enough.  Being still at home, that's very hard.  I'm sorry you didn't get to see your dad at the end.  You won't forget things about him, I'm 67 and I haven't.  I told my kids stories about him so they could feel like they knew him even though they didn't get to meet him.  I told my daughter how enraptured he'd be of her, he would have loved her personality.  I told my son how proud he would have been of him and about my memories learning to spell in his shop with hammer, wood, and alphabet dies (he was a carpenter).  You can write down stories you remember about him, I did that when my dog passed, it helps and is a way to memorialize them.

Have you tried talking to your brother?  He may just be reacting and not even realize he's doing it.  Maybe share with him how hard this is for all of you.

Here's for your mom: 
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/03/guilt-and-regret-in-grief.html