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Have you received an appearance from your loved one?  A dream about him/her.  Or they appear to you in a dream.  Or you feel their presence?  You see a cardinal.  Anything.  I so want Richard to appear to me and let me know he’s alright and that he misses me and still loves me, but I don’t feel anything.  I want to feel him.   

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I dream about Steve.  In the beginning it was very frequent.  Now, years later, it’s not very common.  Or I’ll see him but it’s not a very intense dream.  Like we’re used to running into each other, kinda like day to day living.  I’ve had some odd things happen since he left that I could attribute as signs if I wanted to.  Some people feel that very strongly.  They know it is a sign.  I think our minds gravitate to what gives any source of relief from the pain.  I do talk to him at times when it is something I really need to say to him.  I have lit a candle for him every night since he died and have complained to him when it needs a new one when I am settled in as it would be like him to not tell me something that was needed way back when.  Good thing no one sees and hears the old lady grumbling and limping down the hall to get another one saying.....geez.....now?  Not earlier when I was up and back here?  I can only see him in my mind around the house in familiar ways.  

I understand your wanting to feel him.  When that overtakes me is inconsolable sobbing and I do still do that.  I hunger for him.  A brush of my hair, a hug, anything.  It’s called 'skin hunger' and very real.  I’ve gotten lots of hugs since he left but they don’t fix it or give me solace beyond the short time they are happening.  Not like his that could last me til the next one.  Make me feel everything is OK.  

I don’t know why some feel things and some don’t.  I hope you do as I imagine it feels very good, even tho it is sad.  

 

 

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My husband has been gone for 15 years.  One year after he died a pansy sprung up in the yard, having survived a harsh winter of snows, never happened before or since.  It was our flower, he called it "the smiling flower."  I felt it was a sign from him.  Another time I was going through a lot with vehicles, had just bought one and week one had to sink a fortune into it.  While walking back to my office at the church, I ran across a pansy growing through the sidewalk...I took that as a sign.  Many such things like this, but nothing quite like the following which was a little over 2 1/2 years ago:

Mine was from my husband and it wasn't your usual "sign.  I had called the social security office because they didn't show two years I worked full time and I wanted to know how much I was going to get when I filed.  This lady answered the phone, a Friday afternoon and coldly flatly told me I'd get like $250/mo or something (I can't remember exactly, too low to live on).  This after working all my life!  I asked her to check and she refused, she told me to call the local office.  I'd had to wait an hour for her to come on so there wasn't time...they were closed.  It was a three day weekend and I had to wait three days before talking to someone and my anxiety was through the roof!  

That night I felt his hand on my shoulder/back area, reassuring me.  It was unmistakable, it was a physical presence, no explaining it, but it happened!

When the soc. sec. office opened three days later, they told me the correct amount.  All I can think of is the lady just threw a number out there and didn't care how it affected me, she just wanted to start her weekend and I was her last call of the day.

They somehow find a way to get through to us when we most need them.  I have heard stories of animals giving signs as well!

I do want to point out that we can't make them happen or conjure them up.  It was one year before I had a dream of him.  I've learned to accept that with or without signs or dreams, it's not a measure of our love, I understand it's not easy for them to get through, and any time I get the least little thing it's a bonus!  I go by faith in our love...our love continues far beyond the grave and I believe we will be together again!

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That's true, I know there are studies and professionals that say different, I should have said, I can't make it happen. ;)

 

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A butterfly appeared in the immediate vicinity of the place where I was preparing to scatter Mark's ashes about 2 years ago, just a flitting orange and white thing that alighted briefly, fanned its wings a few times, and took off again.  It wasn't a monarch, but after some quick research, I concluded it was a species of small butterfly called Question Mark.  🙂

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I was listening to a prayer call earlier this morning.  I was in and out (half awake).  And I distinctly remember smiling big.  You know how babies smile in their sleep sometimes?  While I didn’t see a face I know it was Richard.  He was giving me something and I remember smiling big.  I love him ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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I'm glad you had that experience!  Those little visits can mean so much!

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I cant count how many mornings....(all of them)......that I’m in that prewake up phase and my mind is filled with things I want to tell or ask Steve.   It was like I used to wake up years ago.  I’ve somewhat adjusted that I can’t, but it always brings a twinge of sadness to accept again he isn’t here.  It’s really hard on days I have nothing to do, thanks to this pandemic or just being older and limited.  He would always think of something.  Just having a partner creates so many possibilities.  Even in my pursuits without him, it was knowing I would be sharing telling him about them later.  I miss hearing about his stuff too.  I especially miss him handling things I hate to. I’d set the appointments for service, he’d deal with them when here.  

But yes, I know that feeling of smiling thinking of him.  It seems so real for a fleeting time.  It’s like trying to grasp a wisp of smoke when I wake up.  He’s not there and I love him so much too.  ❤️❤️❤️

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@Gwenivere later in the early afternoon as I tried to fix myself some lunch I started crying again because I needed to cleanup the kitchen before doing anything and thought about when I was last with Richard that’s what I was doing.  Preparing a good meal for his return.  I just so miss him and what we were going to do together. He always had the plans.  I just joined him for an adventure.  I miss talking with him.  The messages from him.  The anticipation of being with him.  I miss holding him.  Holding his face.  Kissing his lips.  Holding his arm while we’re walking.  Riding our bikes together.  Talking about the future.  We were not husband and wife, but we were each other’s spouse.  We were so happy and I just can’t stand that this happened to him.  He needed more, I needed more, time.  But, if all I can get for now is a glimpse of his presence and each time it brings my heart to smile.  I will take it.  I have been waiting and asking to feel his presence m to let me know he’s still with me.  I gave him a trinket one time that says you make my heart smile.  I am going to include it with his ashes when they are interred.  I want him to forever make my heart smile.

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I see cardinals everyday. When I sit outside and pray, talk to Brian...I see several cardinals. One even landed on the chair he used to sit in on the deck when we had to stay with my parents until we got on our feet. Another circled that chair yesterday.

One morning last week just before 2:00am, I was standing in the yard praying. Asking God to somehow show me Brian is okay and happy. I looked up and saw a brilliant shooting star and I know that was God's way of telling me all is well with Brian. 

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After he left, that first few months, if I would doze off sitting up in a chair, just probably not even aware I was dozing it has happened more than once.  The first time I saw his khaki colored pants and I followed them up with my eyes and he kissed me on the forehead, and he was gone.  Once or twice afterwards it happened again, but mostly right after he had left.  Recently I dozed off in the rocker only to see his head against my left chest, side of his head, looked like I had just gave him a haircut, and his old green Tee shirt and he was gone.  It was so real though.  I figure it was a phase of REM sleep that dreams come to you, but it has been a long time and for some reason I try not to do this.  I just go to bed.  You have REM sleep when your in bed usually with dreams.  Heck, I dreamed I was fighting in the Civil War the other night.  Don't know what side.  Had to be the south don'tcha think?  I honestly can still see his head against my chest.  Billy did not believe in the supernatural.  I always wanted wood nymphs and fairies to live in the woods.  Never saw any.  I enjoy his moment visits.  I don't know if my mind is playing tricks, don't care to know.  I'll take a second or two if offered.  

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On 7/9/2020 at 2:35 PM, kayc said:

I should have said, I can't make it happen.

Blame it on Missionary Baptist brain washing, I call it that, but I also call it teaching.  I am not against after death experiences, I think I have had them, but I also have an immense imagination.  It is too soon after seeing Billy's head on my chest, my heart side, accidental probably, REM sleep explanation, but I can still see him and also see with the blink of an eye, it was gone.  I'm already haunted some times by things I do not know what they are.  Some places I might go into but have to leave fast.  Billy laughed at me.  The Native American women voices going up signal peak (lots of "signal peaks" in the SW), but in my book about this small town in the Gila Wilderness it mentions other people hearing voices. (I read the book after going up the trail).  It sounded natural to me, there was some one just above us on the trail, a woman talking to one or more women.  Billy had heard them too.  But, when they were not there, no explanation for hearing them, when I told the story he denied hearing them.  He had heard them.  I do go places that I have to leave because I call it being haunted.  So, I don't know what to believe.  These actual REM sleep visitations I cannot explain, and I wish I could keep them longer than an eye blink.  But like my granddaughter said to me when I talk to the moon and the stars, "Mamol, he does not answer you because he knows it would scare you to death."  Yep, probably would.

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That’s an interesting thought, Marg.  Would I be scared or happy to see Steve?   I only know the dream scenario.  But if I saw him when I was fully awake?  I don’t know.  I don’t see how I could be scared of him.  He’s the man I love and always will.  About the only way. Could see it as scary is if he was still in pain and I could do nothing.  I would not want to see that ever again and take small solace that if he does exist on some level, he is free of all that and the dynamic man he was.  In his prime and a heartbreaker to look at.  The man that made other women jealous of me.  Since there is no fairness in life, I can only hope there is afterward.  All of our loves deserve that.

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Yes they do.  The only thing that worries me is the three old girlfriends who are already where ever he is.  Are we supposed to trust Angels?  Supposed to be perfect, but I wonder if that means perfect place or perfect for him?  Jesus will throw me out if I go around fighting people.  

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Well, if girlfriends or former spouses  count, I’m not worried. I have those to.  I know who owned his heart and ho owned mine these last 3plus decades.  ❤️

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