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I recommend reading this article... the message is worth it!  (Re: Letting Go)

God Squad: Being able to let go is allowing God’s will to become real
By Rabbi Marc Gellman
TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY

Q: I first want to start off by saying my mother-in-law and I read your column faithfully and every weekend we call one another discussing it. We are Catholic and really enjoy that you know so much about every religion and discussing things about it.

We recently had to put our rabbit of 10 years to sleep. This rabbit was a huge part of our family. We bought it for our kids when they were young and it was our pet instead of a dog. He was such a huge part of our lives. He was wonderful. Always cuddling with us, playing, he was a joy to have.

He was having health issues and we had to bring him to an animal hospital in which we were given the choice to put him to sleep or have him live a life of being an ICU bunny, which he would have to be fed by syringe, go to doctor every six months, etc. Of course, if you had $10,000 I’m sure you could keep him alive and do all of those things.

What I am struggling with is who are we to make this choice? Isn’t that God’s doing? And why did I have to make that choice because I don’t have a lot of money? It’s almost like money is making that choice? What if we had the money, would he have lived if he had the surgery? Would he live a terrible life? I also struggle with this about human beings. Never being in that situation yet, but we are not God. Please enlighten. – From D

A: I know some of my readers are going to check out on a question about the fate of a sick bunny, but I am on your side. The emotional life of people with pets seems to me to be much richer than those who have decided only to care for themselves and their family.

Pets offer unconditional love and require constant and loving care. This is a powerful spiritual bargain and it does not matter what animal people choose as their pet. OK, I draw the line at wild animals with long teeth, and I have not yet seen a lot of evidence of unconditional love from snakes and fish but, that aside, I am an unconditional animal lover. I was trained to be this way by my grandfather, Leo Gellman, who was a zookeeper at the Milwaukee zoo. I even tried to buy a koala for my wife, Betty, as an engagement present (no luck, immigration laws).
Breaking news & more

We raised guide dogs for the blind and now, here in California, we are not only caring for our grandchildren, Zeke and Daisy, but also for our grand-dog, Rocky. I will even admit that once, to help an emotionally challenged child who loved his dog, I actually performed a ”Bark Mitzvah” on his dog.

So those are my pet credentials, and I tell you that even if you had the money, treating your sick bunny would be the wrong thing to do. The reason is that your bunny is not just sick. Your bunny is dying and the only thing veterinary medicine can offer you now is not healing, but merely postponing death and increasing suffering. You think this is different from the ethical issues at the end of human life, but it is not. Medicine is meant to heal and at a certain time healing is no longer possible.

When that time is reached, for bunnies or for people, the proper spiritual response is to let go. Refusing to let go is actually preventing God’s will from becoming real. Treating without any therapeutic hope is not medicine, it is torture. Do not feel like your economic situation is the cause of your dear pet’s death. It is death that has arrived at your doorstep and it is death that must sorrowfully be let in.

Here is a part of one of my favorite Mary Oliver poems called “In Blackwater Woods.”

”To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.”

as found here: https://www.newsobserver.com/living/religion/article119433918.html

 

 

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I lost my dog of 13 1/2 years, she was the love of my life she gave meaning to the meaningless life I have lived. I lost so much in my life and thought nothing could ever hurt me again, my Dog Butterc

Marty and Kay... Sorry I havent quite figured out how to reply to individual posts/comments. Its a little confusing to me. I do love the obituary Marty. That is very insightful. And I know I need more

Please, by all means, go ahead and do that, Debbie. We are here for you, and we are listening . . . ♥️

2 hours ago, kayc said:

I recommend reading this article... the message is worth it!  (Re: Letting Go)

God Squad: Being able to let go is allowing God’s will to become real
By Rabbi Marc Gellman
TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY

Q: I first want to start off by saying my mother-in-law and I read your column faithfully and every weekend we call one another discussing it. We are Catholic and really enjoy that you know so much about every religion and discussing things about it.

We recently had to put our rabbit of 10 years to sleep. This rabbit was a huge part of our family. We bought it for our kids when they were young and it was our pet instead of a dog. He was such a huge part of our lives. He was wonderful. Always cuddling with us, playing, he was a joy to have.

He was having health issues and we had to bring him to an animal hospital in which we were given the choice to put him to sleep or have him live a life of being an ICU bunny, which he would have to be fed by syringe, go to doctor every six months, etc. Of course, if you had $10,000 I’m sure you could keep him alive and do all of those things.

What I am struggling with is who are we to make this choice? Isn’t that God’s doing? And why did I have to make that choice because I don’t have a lot of money? It’s almost like money is making that choice? What if we had the money, would he have lived if he had the surgery? Would he live a terrible life? I also struggle with this about human beings. Never being in that situation yet, but we are not God. Please enlighten. – From D

A: I know some of my readers are going to check out on a question about the fate of a sick bunny, but I am on your side. The emotional life of people with pets seems to me to be much richer than those who have decided only to care for themselves and their family.

Pets offer unconditional love and require constant and loving care. This is a powerful spiritual bargain and it does not matter what animal people choose as their pet. OK, I draw the line at wild animals with long teeth, and I have not yet seen a lot of evidence of unconditional love from snakes and fish but, that aside, I am an unconditional animal lover. I was trained to be this way by my grandfather, Leo Gellman, who was a zookeeper at the Milwaukee zoo. I even tried to buy a koala for my wife, Betty, as an engagement present (no luck, immigration laws).
Breaking news & more

We raised guide dogs for the blind and now, here in California, we are not only caring for our grandchildren, Zeke and Daisy, but also for our grand-dog, Rocky. I will even admit that once, to help an emotionally challenged child who loved his dog, I actually performed a ”Bark Mitzvah” on his dog.

So those are my pet credentials, and I tell you that even if you had the money, treating your sick bunny would be the wrong thing to do. The reason is that your bunny is not just sick. Your bunny is dying and the only thing veterinary medicine can offer you now is not healing, but merely postponing death and increasing suffering. You think this is different from the ethical issues at the end of human life, but it is not. Medicine is meant to heal and at a certain time healing is no longer possible.

When that time is reached, for bunnies or for people, the proper spiritual response is to let go. Refusing to let go is actually preventing God’s will from becoming real. Treating without any therapeutic hope is not medicine, it is torture. Do not feel like your economic situation is the cause of your dear pet’s death. It is death that has arrived at your doorstep and it is death that must sorrowfully be let in.

Here is a part of one of my favorite Mary Oliver poems called “In Blackwater Woods.”

”To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.”

as found here: https://www.newsobserver.com/living/religion/article119433918.html

 

 

Thank you for this kayc. Very comforting with great insight. Hugs❤

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On 7/31/2020 at 9:48 AM, Lexilou said:

Thank you for this kayc. Very comforting with great insight. Hugs❤

TY Kayc, I'm grieving this morning, and trying to let it go, but it's so hard, I know she's in a better world, she has to be, as this world is collapsing around us, she is free and happy, I just miss her so much, I now have a very lonely existence, it will take some time getting used to. 

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I'm hurting so bad this morning, I miss her so much, the tears are streaming down my face,and I can't stop, how will I ever get over the loss? I don't think I can, she was my life, my heart, and my soul. I am so lonely without her. 

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On 7/12/2020 at 5:07 PM, Lexilou said:

That was a message from her for sure. What ive been reading and hearing from this wonderful FB group is that when you feel something or you see something and you think of Buttercup, don't talk yourself into thinking it is just coincidence or your imagination. If it feels real, it's real.  

Its been a rough day for me but I'm slowly releasing the guilt. It's not stabbing me in the heart at every turn. Its there for sure, just seems to be lightening. I think because I know Lexi loves and adores me. She knows I would never do anything to harm her. And I say that in present tense because I know she is still with me. Her spirit lives on with me everyday. 

Hello Lexilou, I hope your having a great day, I'm not as it greivous today. I am all alone and it's going to take some time getting used to. 

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On 7/13/2020 at 4:34 PM, Lexilou said:

Marty and Kay... Sorry I havent quite figured out how to reply to individual posts/comments. Its a little confusing to me. I do love the obituary Marty. That is very insightful. And I know I need more time to grieve. Somehow, it seems as if it's been a lot more time than it has since she's been gone, you know? Like time is standing still right now... Do you feel that way?

I do,I feel like I will live in misery for the rest of my days. 

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On 7/11/2020 at 9:37 PM, Lexilou said:

Debbie,  yes it's late. So, hopefully you will have sweet dreams and read this post when you wake up. 

No need to talk about how much money you have or don't have. None of that matters here. What matters is the love and devotion you have for Buttercup. I can tell its a lot of love so let's focus on that love. He only wants the best for you. Try hard to remember your wonderful memories, as I'm sure there are plenty. He loves you so much. Whatever happened in the end is not important in the grand scheme. He knows you love and adore him. I am sure he walks beside you because that is what he knows and is comforted by. It is late and I am missing my Lexi. I'm going to settle into bed but just know our babies are with us. That's what gives me comfort at night. I will tell you all about what happened to my Lexi tomorrow. I just can't go there tonight. I miss her so deeply it hurts. I understand your grief and I hope we can be there for one another to carry this weight that feels so very heavy. Ttyl. Thank you for reaching out. ❤

Lexi, hi I hope your getting my messages, I'm not tech savvy so.. I'm really sorry about Lexi I know how devastating that is. Life can be so good and one day in an instant,gone... And we are forever changed, our hearts are scared for life, the good life is past us now,( this is my take) and now we go through it begrudgingly. I do anyway. I was raised a pentacost, granny my Sunday school teacher my grandpa's the preacher,we lived in the churches house. I thought God was always on my side. I have been so devastated in life, I know what finding your sweet Lexi like that is like lexilou, I really really do. I've tried to make sense of it all, and why God allows such things to happen. To make us stronger,don't know,to teach us a lesson don't know, to follow him don't know,what I do know is the world is ruled by darkness,and many follow. When we fall away or are pushed away form God,terrible things happen,and yet those who are strong in their faith terrible things happen. I get angry sometimes over matters I have no control of, bc I  feel it's my fault,when down inside I know it isn't. The dark side knows it, but he is the great deceiver, We can-not under any circumstances let him become our father!, he is the father of lies. The component of evil in us and we all have it, is his deception. He deceived us in the garden, and it is that component of evil that is in us. Let the Lord shine upon you, trust in him with all your heart.

I didn't mean to preach,just sometimes he hears our call. May you have a bright and shiny day, and good will be in your path..

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5 hours ago, DebbieGD said:

Lexi, hi I hope your getting my messages, I'm not tech savvy so.. I'm really sorry about Lexi I know how devastating that is. Life can be so good and one day in an instant,gone... And we are forever changed, our hearts are scared for life, the good life is past us now,( this is my take) and now we go through it begrudgingly. I do anyway. I was raised a pentacost, granny my Sunday school teacher my grandpa's the preacher,we lived in the churches house. I thought God was always on my side. I have been so devastated in life, I know what finding your sweet Lexi like that is like lexilou, I really really do. I've tried to make sense of it all, and why God allows such things to happen. To make us stronger,don't know,to teach us a lesson don't know, to follow him don't know,what I do know is the world is ruled by darkness,and many follow. When we fall away or are pushed away form God,terrible things happen,and yet those who are strong in their faith terrible things happen. I get angry sometimes over matters I have no control of, bc I  feel it's my fault,when down inside I know it isn't. The dark side knows it, but he is the great deceiver, We can-not under any circumstances let him become our father!, he is the father of lies. The component of evil in us and we all have it, is his deception. He deceived us in the garden, and it is that component of evil that is in us. Let the Lord shine upon you, trust in him with all your heart.

I didn't mean to preach,just sometimes he hears our call. May you have a bright and shiny day, and good will be in your path..

Hi Debbie. Thanks for messaging me. I am getting along. I miss my girl intensely. I have found a group on a website called pet loss.com. it is a chat world wide. If you go to the site you will find others in our shoes. New ones old ones. So many. They have a candle ceremony every Monday night in your time zone. 9pm for me. I'm central time. Anyway, I invite you to this. Follow the instructions to create account. Its free and you can add your beloved to the tribute list. And tell your story. Everyone is great. Loving. Welcoming. I look forward to seeing you there if you so choose. Take care Debbie. Your baby is with you in spirit. I promise. Hugs. ❤❤

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18 hours ago, DebbieGD said:

I thought God was always on my side.

I think He still is...a lot of things happen in life that we don't want and quite honestly, I don't think He likes it any better than we do.  We live in a fallen world but that will be rectified one day, this life is temporary but as it's all we've ever known it feels like all there is...I try to keep in mind that there will be that BETTER life one day, one that will not have pain or sorrow, no more tears, life will be eternal!  Meanwhile, God is with us, carrying us and in our early grief it is REALLY hard to see/feel this as all we can see is the fog of grief we are in.  Hold onto your faith, sometimes it's all we have as we can't see much beyond our sorrow.  Sending you hugs and wishing you peace and comfort.

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 7/16/2020 at 4:00 PM, Lexilou said:

Hi Debbie. How are you doing lately? Ive been thinking of you and hope you've found some comfort. 

Not good...I miss Buttercup so much, time has done nothing. I'm in constant grief. 

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I do know and understand.  I've had so much grief in my life but it seems increasingly more so as I continue in life, I live with it.  I know of no way around it, but to feel it, experience it, and ever so gradually we begin to adjust.  There is no one-size-fits-all time frame, we're all different, just as our bonds are unique.  My loss of Arlie is taking longer than any of the other 24 cats & dogs I've lost, and I rather imagine will be with me for life.  I no longer expect him to be here when I wake up in the morning or to go on walks with me or for rides.  Arlie's truck sits idle.  The places he used to lay I envision him there and then the image disappears.  I miss him.  My heart goes out to you in your grief of Buttercup.  Sending you caring thoughts...

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Thank you Kay, I'm so heart broken, I know what you mean, everyone's different, but time just passes, it doesn't seem to heal anything, if it did and I've had a few good days, why still the panic attacks, why still screaming her name yelling out where are you sweetheat, oh Kay I miss her so much. I'm broken.  And the tears the tears the tears the tears.

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I do know, I was there.  

This is a journey with a beginning but no ending in this lifetime.  HOWEVER, it does evolve, but so slowly as to seem imperceptible.  Right now you are still very early into this, it takes more time than I care to say and it's different for each of us, depending on our coping skills, what we do to process our grief (grief counselor, grief support group, reading articles and books on grief, coming here, openness to learning, etc.  Heck, even probably our family placement factors in!  Seriously, there are a lot of things that factor in.  You are correct in that time alone heals nothing, it's what we DO with that time that can make a difference.  Right now you are right where you can be expected to be.  (((hugs)))
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html

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  • 1 month later...

It can take us much time to process our grief and begin to adjust to the changes it means for us.  The meanwhile is so hard to live through, I know!  It's true that life is never the same without them in it.  :(  I'm so sorry.

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