Grandmother is my best friend

[jepkiki]

I'm 23 and my grandmother has been struggling against metastatic breast cancer for some time now and after a traumatic event today she had to finally be taken to a hospice facility because we could no longer adequately care for her. I know she's still alive technically, but I feel like I'm starting to grieve the grandmother that was full of life and spunk. Is that bad? Due to Covid we can't all go visit her and I just don't want her to think we just sent her away. I know she knows how much I love her, and I have no idea where to begin with all this or how to process. I just feel numb. Today was very difficult, and her "event" earlier today is enough to where I feel distressed just thinking about it.

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry to learn of your grandmother's serious illness, but I can assure you that your "starting to grieve the grandmother that was full of life and spunk" is NOT bad. It is only natural, and a signal that you are beginning to confront the harsh reality that your grandmother's earthly life is nearing its end. As a way to better understand what you may be feeling and why, I invite you to read this article ~ and note the additional readings listed at the base: Anticipatory Grief and Mourning ❤️

[kayc]

I am sorry for what you are going through...anticipatory grief is unique in that we are grieving the loss of someone who is still here with us because we know they are slipping away from us as we once knew them, and also the loss of future hopes/dreams/time with them.  
Perhaps you can send her cards or call her if she is cognizant enough.  It is very hard.  My mom was in a dementia care center for two years, two months, and it was so hard not being able to see her every day, she was two hours away from me, but I visited regularly...yet she'd forget five minutes later.  It broke my heart to think she wondered where everyone was, I imagine it's a lot like that with many unable to get visits due to COVID.  Say a prayer for her and realize that while you feel you're losing her, she will be at peace, my one consolation with those I've loved and lost.  (((hugs)))