Love of my Life always

[JimJim]

Since My Honey left on her next journey, I speak with her constantly, we always discuss everything that is happening during the course of our day, I never give her any time to rest, except at night when going to bed, I sleep with her clothing so that I can still have her scent, and I have her Urn in bed with me too, as we never did like being apart, I recently purchased a Niche for us that will hold a companion Urn, was going to place her ashes in the niche, but decided to hold onto them, until we are ready to be put in there together, cannot part with them, do not want her in there without me, we do everything together, so just like before, so it will be going forward, nothing has changed, only the physicality has changed, Nancy may not be here in physical form, but she is still here in every other way, she is my life, and this will never change, I love her more then anything that breathes, and she will always be with me, together we are as one, for now and always. Thank you  Jim and Nancy.

[Margm]

In Martin Short's book, his autobiography "Martin Short: My Life as a Humble Comedy Legend" he talks a lot about losing his wife (also her name) Nancy.  He would have a cocktail each night and one for Nancy.  He would carry on conversations with Nancy, maybe even answer for Nancy.  This would go on for a long time each night and then he would say, "Nancy, where are you?" and Nancy quit talking to him for the night.  I read the book starting July 8th, 2016.  Billy had not been gone a year.  I don't know why it seemed to help me, but with his humor, in his terrible grief, he made losing Nancy the hardest time in his life, and I understood him so much.  I tried that often, to read books of women and men who had lost their mate, but this one I will always love.  I of course sleep with a pillow sham on Billy's side of the bed, with his folded every day clothes inside. We have our burial plot where they will just empty his beautiful wooden urn into a plain box along with mine.  I wonder if he minds being buried all along with my relatives.  I looked at his relatives cemetery and it is not kept up as well as our cemetery.  I also have a very small Christmas tree with the Led lights that last forever.  Turned off once to move here and all of his personal hats, his phone, his wooden cabinet with the glass covered red velvet shelves holding his collection of animal calls (he had quit hunting a long time ago but had a lot of collectibles). 

People think someone should go with me on short trips.  (I no longer go further than 175 miles one way).  They don't understand, that is when I talk to Billy.  I am not by myself, he is with me.  I also talk to the moon at night, to Billy.  I asked my friend if she did this and she said "You're still young in your grief."  I will always talk to him.  

My heart goes out to you and we keep them with us the best way we can as long as we live.  

[Gwenivere]

1 hour ago, Marg M said:

He would have a cocktail each night and one for Nancy.  He would carry on conversations with Nancy, maybe even answer for Nancy.  This would go on for a long time each night and then he would say, "Nancy, where are you?" and Nancy quit talking to him for the night. 

My heart goes out to you and we keep them with us the best way we can as long as we live.  

I miss those  conversations. I can’t reply for Steve for as even as much as I knew him inside and out, I never  knew what he would say.  That is what kept it so fresh and exciting.  Only in mundane things that I already knew we agreed did I know his answers.  All I know is I loved talking with him.  We never stopped learning from each other.  I liked when one of us had a moral or ethical dilemma to help the other.  Or a philosophical observation.  Having someone bring that to you because they trusted you implicitly was so bonding.

as I rarely talk to him anymore, I know I carry him every moment.  Sometimes getting something from his closet I touch his leather coat that was his trademark.  When I need to drive his van I use his keychain.  I’ve sadly thrown out food from when he was here as I know I won’t ever make for myself.  Today was boxed hash browns.  I needed room for individual microwaveable mashed potatoes.  That says a lot there.  Made scrambled eggs in the microwave last night.  Wasn’t worth dragging out an pan for 3 eggs, one for Melody.   At least when Ally was here I’d make real potatoes.  I have tons of time to cook, but eating alone has become a necessity, not.enjoyable.

He will be within me as long as I live.  I hope I’m pleasantly surprised when I leave too.  

[kayc]

Marg, you keep taking your drives and talking to Billy, no one can deny you that!