Julie Moore Posted August 9, 2020 Report Share Posted August 9, 2020 Yesterday, 8/7, my 19 year old Zadie girl cat was put to sleep. I am feeling so much guilt because I'm concerned it was too early. She was really having a good day yesterday (and the day before), so seemingly still full of life, and even though the compassionate Vet told me (and counselors from "Lap of Love" said the same) "better one day too early than one second too late", I can't shake the thought of it being too soon and it's haunting me. I know I can't change the past - my beloved Zadie went very peacefully and is buried just a few steps from my house - but just the fact that she was feeling so good on the day I chose to put her down is causing me to feel terrible guilt. I made the decision to put her to sleep on Wed, 8/5, after she had two bad days, but couldn't get an appt at the Vet until Friday (8/7). Some background: Zadie had spondylosis (painful wear and tear) at the base of her tail from an old, old injury that was just diagnosed a year ago, but she'd been affected by it for years. Because of the injury, she would infrequently (perhaps once or twice a month) suffer from horrible "spells" when urinating or defecating that would send her into spasms for about 2 hours in which she had to get everything out of her system. She was also arthritic and had very mild focal seizures. Recently, she had dilute blood weeping from one eye and some problem with her mouth even though she had a dental in February. But she was still eating and drinking relatively well. Working with my Vet, since last December, she'd been on a steroid shot every four weeks, which would greatly help her spondylosis and arthritis and a few months ago, she even felt good enough to play like a kitten (oh, how that delighted me!). But last month, her steroid shot only lasted for about 20 days or so before she was really having trouble walking without stumbling or obvious pain - her quality of life declined when the steroid "ran out". Just two weeks ago, she had her last steroid shot and it would probably be wearing off in about a week (but I don't know that for sure). While I know Zadie's time was coming due to her age and many infirmities, she was still eating, drinking, peeing and pooping and getting around, albeit with difficulty. I'm trying hard to look at Zadie's last two (good) days as a gift from God because I took her outside (she's been indoors all her life) and she seemed to enjoy it so very much and I didn't have to panic to euthanize her because she was overtly suffering, but right now, all I can think about is how much I miss her and how guilty I feel for seemingly putting her down too early when she still had so much life. I appreciate any feedback on how y'all handle the guilt of, "was it too soon??". Thank you so much. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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