Lost my beloved calico suddenly

[FurMama82]

On 9/2/2020 at 10:49 AM, kayc said:

This!  Let us know when you find the one!

Thank you, kayc! I will keep yall updated Really appreciate this wonderfully supportive group.

[kayc]

20 hours ago, GMS said:

On a brighter note my 12 yr old cat Marble loves Leon and I'm so happy for him.

I am so glad to hear it!

[FurMama82]

Hi all,

So I adopted a 1 year old cat yesterday and since bringing her home, have been crying, filled with regret and sadness. I'm afraid it was too soon for me which I feel terrible guilty about. She's sweet as can be - this is not a reflection of her. I just feel so empty when I look at her. It's triggered immense grief for my lost girl. Has anyone ever dealt with this or have suggestions for how to handle it? This was the last thing I expected to happen as I love animals so much.

[GMS]

2 minutes ago, FurMama82 said:

Hi all,

So I adopted a 1 year old cat yesterday and since bringing her home, have been crying, filled with regret and sadness. I'm afraid it was too soon for me which I feel terrible guilty about. She's sweet as can be - this is not a reflection of her. I just feel so empty when I look at her. It's triggered immense grief for my lost girl. Has anyone ever dealt with this or have suggestions for how to handle it? This was the last thing I expected to happen as I love animals so much.

FurMama - I completely understand and am definitely going through something similar with my new kitten. He's a wonderful little boy, but I have definitely had some rough days. I think the main thing I have to come to grips with is he will never be Mango. The other day I was lying on my bed watching TV and normally Mango would be coming over to sleep on my lap and it was very soothing. Leon went under the bed to lie down. It got me very emotional. Leon might never do that. But we've only known each other for about a week so relationships take time... even with a pet. But I will learn to love him for who he is.

Also don't feel guilty learning to love this cat. You are not betraying anyone and your fur baby would have wanted you to be happy. That's not to say you shouldn't grieve. Some people seem to expect pet owners to mourn for a day and then be fine. When family members die we grieve for a long time. But in so many ways our pets are more involved in our lives and we often have the burden of making decisions for them because of course we can't talk it over. Our pets give us unconditional love. Hopefully you have friends and family around you who understand that.

I just ordered two books on grieving... one is specifically about pets. I don't know if they will help but I'll give it a try. If it does I'll let everyone know.

Regards,

Gregg

 

[FurMama82]

Thanks for your feedback, Gregg.  The situation you described is exactly what hit home for me - new little one is sweet,  adjusting to a new life, but isn't a lap cat that I can see. My calico was a fixture on me wherever I sat/laid down which was a saving grace for my anxiety! I have intellectually tried not to impose expectations on this new girl, but my gosh it's so hard & it hurts deeply. I feel regret and that I made a mistake - maybe I wasn't as ready as I thought to be able to fully appreciate a new kitty for who they are. 

I'll continue to work through this day by day. Wishing you all the best with your Leon. 

[MartyT]

Remember, too, that a relationship is a two-way street. These new kitties need time to adjust to their new lives with you, time to get to know you, time to learn your ways, time to fall in love with you ~ just as you need time to do the same. Give yourselves permission to mourn the ones you've lost, and allow yourselves time to let these new relationships develop and grow. ♥️

[GMS]

One other thing is I would work with your cat... give her treats when she comes up on the bed or the couch... then work your way up to the lap... it will definitely help in the bonding process and where she was previously she might not have had the option to sit with humans.

[FurMama82]

4 hours ago, MartyT said:

Remember, too, that a relationship is a two-way street. These new kitties need time to adjust to their new lives with you, time to get to know you, time to learn your ways, time to fall in love with you ~ just as you need time to do the same. Give yourselves permission to mourn the ones you've lost, and allow yourselves time to let these new relationships develop and grow. ♥️

Thank you, MartyT. Indeed we both need time to adjust.

[FurMama82]

24 minutes ago, GMS said:

One other thing is I would work with your cat... give her treats when she comes up on the bed or the couch... then work your way up to the lap... it will definitely help in the bonding process and where she was previously she might not have had the option to sit with humans.

Thanks, Gregg that is a great suggestion!

[kayc]

FurMama, I am sorry you're having a hard time adjusting to your new kitty, I hope you persevere, it can be a big payoff in the end.  Sometimes we feel guilty for "replacing" our pet but this is NOT "replacing" whatsoever!  It is developing a new relationship with a new being and sometimes we click and sometimes it grows gradually.  You are giving her the opportunity for a good life and that is commendable!