I'm awaken and your not here

[Laurie echevarria]

Today was a bad day like everyday lately I come to realize I will never find me another Jesse he used to tell me that he will never find himself another laura,I find myself knowing from the depths of my heart I won't ever have him are any other man again I will be alone forever I loved him so much I could never do that many other people can but not me l be alone forever ,today I found one of Jesse's dirty shirts I smelled it and my heart what's left of it hurt so bad a shallow filling in the pit of my stomach an emptiness of why babe why I can't even handle this feeling of never ever holding him again of him combing my hair he even would put my shoes on for me he lived to touch my hair and tell me I was beautiful he would say u don't even know how beautiful  you are do u he was my soulmate everything I wanted and would ever want in a man and gone just like that my future my life my breath I wish I was dead with him cause there's nothing now to breath for ,I find myself wanting to talk to psyhcis because I want to hear from him tell me something something to live for tell me why anything I just need peace dammit so I lay here smelling his shirt wondering if the pain the wondering will ever release me dammit its killing me slowly ........

[kayc]

Put something with his smell in it in a ziploc bag so the scent doesn't disappear, I was brokenhearted when George's scent disappeared within a month or two, I didn't know to do that.

Also anything with recordings of his voice, our phone messages were wiped out within two weeks, I hadn't thought to do something with them, felt like another loss.

I recognize your love, what you are feeling.

[Gwenivere]

Scent and sound are very impacting when we can’t see, touch or talk to them in reality anymore.  I have recordings of Steve as mostly music he played and sang.  Didn’t think about the scent thing.  The clothes I kept he had not worn in a long time anyway.  They hold the memories of how he looked before he got sick, the way I want to remember him.  

Laurie, your pain is sad so to read, but I totally understand it.  Time moves so slow now.  Everywhere we turn brings reminders of our lost loves.  I’m still trying to figure out how to be in love alone.  He loved me like life itself.  As you were engaged and years together, I know Jesse felt that about you.  There will never be another man for me either.  He took half of me with him.  The loved half.  That is why I don’t know how to do the giving love half without him here to receive it.  

[Gwenivere]

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

Scent and sound are very impacting when we can’t see, touch or talk to them in reality anymore.  I have recordings of Steve as mostly music he played and sang.  Didn’t think about the scent thing.  The clothes I kept he had not worn in a long time anyway.  They hold the memories of how he looked before he got sick, the way I want to remember him.  

Laurie, your pain is sad so to read, but I totally understand it.  Time moves so slow now.  Everywhere we turn brings reminders of our lost loves.  I’m still trying to figure out how to be in love alone.  He loved me like life itself.  As you were engaged had years together, I know Jesse felt that about you.  There will never be another man for me either.  He took half of me with him.  The loved half.  That is why I don’t know how to do the giving love half without him here to receive it.  

Very odd I couldn’t edit my own post. I’m quoting it to correct some predictive typing my tablet does that altered what I was saying....that being you had years together, Laurie and that showed how much Jesse loved you.  He wanted to marry you.   I know you doubt that love from the outcome, but lookin your heart.  It’s the shock that is messing you up.  We’ve all been there.  We all still are at different phases.

[Kieron]

(Just in case it's unclear: You can edit your own post in a different way now that the forum has changed its format.  Look for the 3 very small dots or squares in the upper right of your post that you wish to edit.  Click and select Edit.  Edit as usual, and save)  🤓

[Gwenivere]

Thanks Kieron.  Technology got the better of me again!

[MartyT]

19 minutes ago, Gwenivere said:

Technology got the better of me again!

Yes, and just as soon as we figure out all the features on our site, a new update happens and we're faced with learning everything anew. Very difficult when we're already in the fog of grief!  

[Littlepeach]

Laurie-its only been two weeks for you. It’s been four months for me and I know how badly you miss him. It’s like you can’t breathe. The way your chest tightens because your heart literally aches. It’s impossible to believe. He’s the last thing you think about before you fall asleep and the first thing you think about as soon as you wake up and the only thing you think about at all. You love him. I was once told that “Where there are tears there was love”  And I cry ALOT!  So cry. It hurts. But it also shows how very much you love and miss him.