I can't do this

[Laurie echevarria]

I can't do this I don't know what to do are when to do it are even how I'm a mess I can't think in a bad nightmare I won't wake up plz help me understand what's happening 

[Kieron]

Laurie, I can see from your profile that he died not even 1 week ago and I assure you your feelings, anxiety and overwhelm are totally understandable and normal and natural.  I'm sorry to say this is just a very early stage in your grief.  🙁  It does get easier with time, but it's something you will have to consciously and intentionally lean into, just like you would lean into a very stiff and strong headwind, to keep your balance.  All of us here have been where you are, and I remember very well how it felt.  I must have said "I can't do this" a million times in the days and weeks afterward.  

I got the impression from another post you made that he took pills....?  And now you are full of questions, regrets, what-ifs, etc.  I really hope you have someone nearby that you can talk to in person or over the phone or by video chat-- some kind of human connection is vital at any time but especially now.

[kayc]

20 minutes ago, Kieron said:

just like you would lean into a very stiff and strong headwind, to keep your balance.

Very good analogy!  It's true, I felt like that in the beginning too, shock protected me at first but I remember feeling terrified, anxious, "this has to be a nightmare I'll wake up from!," did not see how I could do this!  It's not easy, that's for sure, I'm I'm living proof it can be done.  George and I were everything to each other, we adored each other, got each other, understood each other, had excellent communication, when I was in his arms I felt like it was the best place in the world to be!  I have not felt that way before or since him.  But I have learned to stand alone, although it's hard at times.  I still talk to him, these 15 years later!  I can honestly say he's been on my heart and in my mind each and every day since.  I feel like I'm living our relationship on faith, just as it was built on, only the biggest faith of my life.  I know he still loves me, is rooting for me, and understands me.  Nothing, not even death can separate us, I view this as temporary, but oh man, it's a stretch!  On his side, I don't think it's as hard as here as where he is there is no more sorrow, no more pain, they view things from a bigger perspective, without time as a factor.  

We are here to go through this with you for the long haul if you want us to.  

You might want to make contact with a professional grief counselor.  Some are resuming practice in person, some by phone, it can be helpful but one week in is very very early..  Do you have a friend or family member with you?

[KATPILOT]

3 hours ago, kayc said:

  Nothing, not even death can separate us

Laurie this is such a critical time for you. Shock kind of seems an understatement. Kay has a very good suggestion about the grief counselor and I hope you can begin researching this. It saved my life and a lot of others on this site. 

And Kay you certainly have it right. So many years later and still they remain in us, around us and through us.

I should add that even though I have found love again my love for Kathy remains quite real. It is a gift like no other.... even with the sorrow. 

We are glad you found this place Laurie and if you find yourself as I did , unable to sleep, log on and read. You not only will discover that you are not alone but there is a wealth of knowledge and information available to you as you travel this grief's journey. 

[Laurie echevarria]

10 hours ago, kayc said:

Very good analogy!  It's true, I felt like that in the beginning too, shock protected me at first but I remember feeling terrified, anxious, "this has to be a nightmare I'll wake up from!," did not see how I could do this!  It's not easy, that's for sure, I'm I'm living proof it can be done.  George and I were everything to each other, we adored each other, got each other, understood each other, had excellent communication, when I was in his arms I felt like it was the best place in the world to be!  I have not felt that way before or since him.  But I have learned to stand alone, although it's hard at times.  I still talk to him, these 15 years later!  I can honestly say he's been on my heart and in my mind each and every day since.  I feel like I'm living our relationship on faith, just as it was built on, only the biggest faith of my life.  I know he still loves me, is rooting for me, and understands me.  Nothing, not even death can separate us, I view this as temporary, but oh man, it's a stretch!  On his side, I don't think it's as hard as here as where he is there is no more sorrow, no more pain, they view things from a bigger perspective, without time as a factor.  

We are here to go through this with you for the long haul if you want us to.  

You might want to make contact with a professional grief counselor.  Some are resuming practice in person, some by phone, it can be helpful but one week in is very very early..  Do you have a friend or family member with you?

Yes I do my mom

[kayc]

I'm so glad you have your mom.  I have my sister (by phone) but she has dementia so it's getting harder.

[Laurie echevarria]

Im so sorry I'm here for u also when ever u need me thank you

[Denra]

Look at the website: One Fit Widow.  Its very real and positive.  It has helped me tremendously!!