When everything reminds you of them...

[Gracie4ever]

I feel kind of silly raising this question, but I live in a small apartment and every place reminds me of my girl. In the kitchen I always look at the spot where she ate, in the bathroom, she always used to like to drink from dripping faucet. The bedroom of course for the times when she would jump on my bed, but especially the living room couch because that’s where she slept. I removed my blanket and gave it to a friend because it just made me too sad to look at. I’d taken the first and only selfie with her about a week before she passed and it was on that blanket. I’m having the most trouble with the couch, because whenever I come in the door, I visualize her there.

Does anyone have any suggestions how I might be able to soften this? A couple of days after she passed, I realize that I’ve been spending most of my time in the bedroom. Just posting this, I’m bawling. 

[kayc]

I am still taken by images of my Arlie laying on the couch smiling, then the image vanishes and I am left with my pain and emptiness.  I don't know of a way to lessen it, quite honestly, I found when I lost my husband that it took many years for me to process my grief and adjust to the changes it means for my life.  The same is true, I'm afraid, for my Arlie.  Those are the two closest relationships I've had...I think the loss of a child would be right in there with it.
(((hugs)))

[MartyT]

When we consider how we allow a cherished companion animal to be an intimate part of our daily lives and in every corner of our home (including our bathroom and bedroom) ~  inviting our pet to be with us in our most private and most vulnerable moments ~ is it any wonder that we continue to "see" and "feel" their presence even after they've gone? Depending on how attached we were to them and them to us, it most certainly can take months and even years for us to adjust to the presence of their absence. This is a normal part of the grief process, and the good news is that eventually we learn to re-frame these moments and think of them as wonderful and heartwarming reminders of the joy and the love our beloved animals brought into our lives. 

[Gracie4ever]

49 minutes ago, kayc said:

I am still taken my images of my Arlie laying on the couch smiling, then the image vanishes and I am left with my pain and emptiness.  I don't know of a way to lessen it, quite honestly, I found when I lost my husband that it took many years for me to process my grief and adjust to the changes it means for my life.  The same is true, I'm afraid, for my Arlie.  Those are the two closest relationships I've had...I think the loss of a child had to be right in there with it.
(((hugs)))

Thank you, Kay. These reminders are a testament to how much we loved them and they loved us. Thank you for your support.

[Gracie4ever]

26 minutes ago, MartyT said:

When we consider how we allow a cherished companion animal to be an intimate part of our daily lives and in every corner of our home (including our bathroom and bedroom) ~  inviting our pet to be with us in our most private and most vulnerable moments ~ is it any wonder that we continue to "see" and "feel" their presence even after they've gone? Depending on how attached we were to them and them to us, it most certainly can take months and even years for us to adjust to the presence of their absence. This is a normal part of the grief process, and the good news is that eventually we learn to re-frame these moments and think of them as wonderful and heartwarming reminders of the joy and the love our beloved animals brought into our lives. 

There are three marks in the bathroom where Gracie would rub to leave her scent and I can still see them. I think I will leave them there forever, because as much as they make me sad right now, I want to keep them there. Also, kept her bowls and such in a bag in a cupboard, but may never let them go. Even a pill splitter with some bits of pills still in them. As hard reminders as they are, I also connect to them to love. I hope in the future, the love will be more felt than the grief. Thank you, Marty, for all of your support. I know you have helped soooo many through the years and continue to do so.

[kayc]

20 hours ago, MartyT said:

eventually we learn to re-frame these moments and think of them as wonderful and heartwarming reminders of the joy and the love our beloved animals brought into our lives. 

I know this is true and the pang is only there with those memories because it means I haven't fully adjusted to his loss.  It's lessened a bit but not yet removed.  It's like a sadness I carry with me.  But with it are good memories too, if that makes any sense.  I had the best dog in the world, he was a lot to lose.

[kayc]

20 hours ago, Gracie4ever said:

There are three marks in the bathroom where Gracie would rub to leave her scent and I can still see them.

Like where Lucky rubbed the paint right off my K2 heating system.  She used to lay right on it, her butt up against it, she was a Whippet and could never gain weight, always cold!  I pictured her laying there for the longest time.

[Gracie4ever]

2 hours ago, kayc said:

Like where Lucky rubbed the paint right off my K2 heating system.  She used to lay right on it, her butt up against it, she was a Whippet and could never gain weight, always cold!  I pictured her laying there for the longest time.

Yes, just like that! They leave their marks on your home just as in your heart. I picture my girl everywhere, too. It's so hard.

[kayc]

They sure do!  I have the signs everywhere, where Kitty clawed my bed and the picnic table benches, where Arlie chewed my dining room chairs, rocking chair, corner of the sofa, Miss Mocha clawed up my newer loveseat, now Kodie has left his chew marks on the rocking chair also.  Memories...

[Gracie4ever]

11 hours ago, kayc said:

They sure do!  I have the signs everywhere, where Kitty clawed my bed and the picnic table benches, where Arlie chewed my dining room chairs, rocking chair, corner of the sofa, Miss Mocha clawed up my newer loveseat, now Kodie has left his chew marks on the rocking chair also.  Memories...

You really do have the signs everywhere, too, Kay! I realized also that years ago, she used to jump up on a window ledge and hang out there. I see lots of marks from where her claws dug into the wood frame, too. As painful as all of these things are, I don't think I will ever remove them. The marks in the bathroom where she rubbed her scent, I look at them every single day. Yet, I don't think I will ever remove them...even though they hurt.

[kayc]

I know, right?  I finally replaced the trim on the house that Arlie chewed as a pup and I'd love to replace the dining room set if I had someone to help me carry it, but the other places I don't mind, they're signs of living/loving and bring back a sense of comfort and a smile to remember a better time, when they were young and alive.