Gracie4ever Posted August 31, 2020 Report Share Posted August 31, 2020 Has anyone tried joining online support groups, like Zoom meetings? I'm considering trying one out but I'm wondering if the "live" aspect would too difficult. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 31, 2020 Report Share Posted August 31, 2020 I lead a grief support group but we're not meeting during the pandemic although I do stay in touch with them. I can't wait to open it back up! I'm afraid with my internet (slow speed & limit of 10.3 GB/month) I'm unable to zoom, etc. I don't see the live aspect as being prohibitive. I'd prefer in person, of course, but these are challenging times. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracie4ever Posted August 31, 2020 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2020 4 hours ago, kayc said: I lead a grief support group but we're not meeting during the pandemic although I do stay in touch with them. I can't wait to open it back up! I'm afraid with my internet (slow speed & limit of 10.3 GB/month) I'm unable to zoom, etc. I don't see the live aspect as being prohibitive. I'd prefer in person, of course, but these are challenging times. Aw, that's too bad you can't have a support group online, I'd sure love to join it. But I understand about the internet. I have really slow wifi and an limited, too. Thank you for all you do, to help others! One of my elderly friends lost her dog two months ago and we've been trying to support each other. Also, I have some friends in another country who knew someone who lost her dog and she doesn't have support. The people around her don't understand why she misses her dog so much. I've been able to help her, too, just by listening and caring. There is a lot to be said for us supporting each other in our deep pain. Thank you, Kay! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 1, 2020 Report Share Posted September 1, 2020 I'm glad your friend has you to "be there" for her, we need our love/grief validated so we don't feel so alone in what we're going through. This pandemic increases our feelings of being alone, my internet usage has maxed out every month now! You are doing her a service. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1:4 I find purpose in what I go through in life, Dr. Phil says this is so important! Like Jon Walsh founding a missing child organization when his own son went missing. MY purpose is helping others through grief. I've lost so many, I know what it feels like. Over the years I've read countless articles and books, @MartyThas been like a beacon in this learning, for 15 years! I hope she realizes her efforts keep on giving... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracie4ever Posted September 1, 2020 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2020 3 hours ago, kayc said: I'm glad your friend has you to "be there" for her, we need our love/grief validated so we don't feel so alone in what we're going through. This pandemic increases our feelings of being alone, my internet usage has maxed out every month now! You are doing her a service. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1:4 I find purpose in what I go through in life, Dr. Phil says this is so important! Like Jon Walsh founding a missing child organization when his own son went missing. MY purpose is helping others through grief. I've lost so many, I know what it feels like. Over the years I've read countless articles and books, @MartyThas been like a beacon in this learning, for 15 years! I hope she realizes her efforts keep on giving... When I reached out to the new friend in Africa, she didn't know me and I didn't know her. I had only been told about her grieving her dog. Her reply was, "OH MY GOD!!!!! This means the Universe to me! You have no idea!!"...we do need our love/grief validated, it is SO important!! I even told my friends if they ever find others who are in pain, send them my way. I feel their pain. I do believe that God comforted me so that I could comfort others. One thing I haven't mentioned yet is that the Vet had set aside an appointment for Gracie and I on Wednesday, and on Monday, I started to notice it seemed like Gracie was getting worse. I prayed that God show me on Tuesday if she was really suffering, and I saw her falter on her back legs several times. By Wednesday morning, she seemed to be walking a bit better and I had doubts so I called the Vet. I hoped this meant she was fine, but in reality I know they have good and bad days. That's when she said Gracie has been declining for a while and better a day early than a day late. I now believe she was in renal failure and she was ready to rest. Once I realized that, then instead of thinking I had made the decision too early, I feared I had made it too late. But the night before, she had really shown me she wasn't well. She kept laying in odd places in the house that were unusual for her and she didn't meow in the morning to be fed, even after P went and pet her, she didn't get up for food until quite a bit later. She had lived a long life and was tired. It just breaks our hearts that they can't keep on living with us, that they have to ever leave. Obviously I'm still living with the euthanasia guilt, but I am reassured by you and Marty that it will lessen, with time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 2, 2020 Report Share Posted September 2, 2020 I don't struggle with the guilt with Kitty that I first did with Arlie, as it was obvious it was time, although I wonder I should have done it sooner perhaps, it was over the holidays and she at first seemed better then worse, then it was a weekend and I planned to on Monday morning, which I did. It seemed to go so fast! She was always in great health before, an amazing cat, even at 25 she could jump ten feet up in the air to the patio from a crouched position! She was a great hunter, even to her latter days. Very opinionated and vocal. I miss her, I miss giving her Easy Cheese, which she regularly demanded. With Arlie I wondered/debated, when is the right time, he had terminal cancer, too late at point of diagnosis, all I could do was care for him until it was time. I had him on hemp oil, strongest dose, SAM-e, Milk Thistle (his liver shut down) I tried to keep his liver functioning even partially, he slept a lot, he still went on short walks with me every day, twice a day, but I realize he did it to please me. He didn't feel good. But he had some unfinished business, he wanted to go visit his best friend, Sammy (she was a lab about a block away) before he went, which he managed to muster two days before he died. After that he was ready and at peace to go. I think I had him put to sleep at just the right time for him, although I wish he hadn't suffered so much, cancer is insidious. And I wish the vets had done a better job of it and not botched it, he shouldn't have gone out in such pain. I just went and saw his grave this morning. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracie4ever Posted September 3, 2020 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2020 11 hours ago, kayc said: I don't struggle with the guilt with Kitty that I first did with Arlie, as it was obvious it was time, although I wonder I should have done it sooner perhaps, it was over the holidays and she at first seemed better then worse, then it was a weekend and I planned to on Monday morning, which I did. It seemed to go so fast! She was always in great health before, an amazing cat, even at 25 she could jump ten feet up in the air to the patio from a crouched position! She was a great hunter, even to her latter days. Very opinionated and vocal. I miss her, I miss giving her Easy Cheese, which she regularly demanded. With Arlie I wondered/debated, when is the right time, he had terminal cancer, too late at point of diagnosis, all I could do was care for him until it was time. I had him on hemp oil, strongest dose, SAM-e, Milk Thistle (his liver shut down) I tried to keep his liver functioning even partially, he slept a lot, he still went on short walks with me every day, twice a day, but I realize he did it to please me. He didn't feel good. But he had some unfinished business, he wanted to go visit his best friend, Sammy (she was a lab about a block away) before he went, which he managed to muster two days before he died. After that he was ready and at peace to go. I think I had him put to sleep at just the right time for him, although I wish he hadn't suffered so much, cancer is insidious. And I wish the vets had done a better job of it and not botched it, he shouldn't have gone out in such pain. I just went and saw his grave this morning. The euthanasia grief that makes me go back and forth about "too soon" or "too late"...I feel it was just the right time because she seemed to show me signs of still being happy before the last two days, purring, stretching happily. So right when she seemed to be going downhill fast from renal failure, she was put to rest. However, I think of how for at least a week or two, I noticed she would lay down very slowly, as if she was having pain either from inside or from arthritis. It seemed like once she lay down she felt fine, so it never occurred to me that maybe the pain at that point, needed to be relieved. In other words I'm not sure I had her put to rest soon enough, maybe she should've been put to rest sooner. This euthanasia guilt is so bad, I really need to readjust my thinking and work on that chart you provided in another comment. If she was having pain, she is not having pain now. She is not having pain now. Maybe I need to keep telling myself that. I know you understand me when I say I wish there were specific memories that I could just have removed from my memories completely. The thing is, I never would've thought to put her to rest for having arthritis. Oh, this guilt thing stinks!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 3, 2020 Report Share Posted September 3, 2020 8 hours ago, Gracie4ever said: If she was having pain, she is not having pain now. We need to remember this! We did our best. So hard when they can't tell us explicitly and we're reading cues from them, they often try to hide their pain, part of their survival instinct to not appear weak (and thus prey) but they were most comfortable with us and more likely to let down their guard with us than anywhere. We did our best. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracie4ever Posted September 3, 2020 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2020 9 hours ago, kayc said: We need to remember this! We did our best. So hard when they can't tell us explicitly and we're reading cues from them, they often try to hide their pain, part of their survival instinct to not appear weak (and thus prey) but they were most comfortable with us and more likely to let down their guard with us than anywhere. We did our best. We did our best. I am expecting myself to be not only perfect, but able to read animals' thoughts, their feelings when they may be hiding whatever is wrong, assuming that my cat would've cared if I had pet her before the first shot...which might not be further from the truth. She was suffering and perhaps it would not even have mattered to her if I had pet her before the shot. And if I had held her before we left home, perhaps I would've been hurting her, since she had intestinal things going on. Perhaps what I thought was showing affection might've been felt by her as pain. If I had done it, I'd be regretting that now!! So yes...just gotta keep telling myself I did the best I could. I did the best I could. You did the best you could, Kay! I signed up for two Zoom support groups but they both took place this week and won't happen again for a month. I wasn't able to attend, but hopefully for the next sessions. I think that hearing other people expressing the same concerns and issues I have been expressing...at any time in my grief journey, that will be consoling. This group has been so consoling...just having a safe place to put all my thoughts out loud has been so helpful. Even at times when I'm typing and crying - it has been therapeutic. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Marty, Kay and all....this is the first place I check in the morning when I wake up. This is my place of comfort. A place where we are all hurting but finding comfort in each other! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 4, 2020 Report Share Posted September 4, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracie4ever Posted September 4, 2020 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2020 5 minutes ago, MartyT said: Back at ya, my friend!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 4, 2020 Report Share Posted September 4, 2020 This place is a lifesaver for many of us! I'm glad it brings you comfort. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracie4ever Posted September 4, 2020 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2020 2 hours ago, kayc said: This place is a lifesaver for many of us! I'm glad it brings you comfort. Marty and you are lifesavers, dear! I wanted to update you. I had a "virtual visit" with my doctor a month or two ago, and I had mentioned that I was having panic attacks. She offered a few medications and told me to think about it. I have decided to ask her to fill a prescription. I asked her about taking it temporarily and not long term, just to see if it might help. The fact that this happened during Covid definitely made it more stressful. Also, three years ago I met with a counselor a few times. Now she has her own practice and costs a lot more money so I don't know if I can see her, but I might try just going once, or perhaps twice, after saving up more money. I thought she doesn't specialize in this, but I was viewing her website and she does specialize in my personality trait plus "trauma"...this was definitely trauma for me!! I like what she says on her website, that she helps "identify negative thought patterns that impact behavior...and learning to be more compassionate, understanding in the present rather than judgmental, shameful, or critical". When I saw her before, it was the first time I'd ever sought out counseling and it helped me so much. I feel I am at that place again in life. I need all the help I can get. Please pray for me in this continued road to finding some measure of peace. I keep seeing my girl sleeping on the couch and reliving her last 20 minutes, and what I feel I didn't do. I know the Vet didn't see anything wrong with it, my friend that came with me told me, "you pet her as soon as you could and you pet her until she was unconscious"...but my mind is just stuck....stuck....stuck.....she is not suffering now, so I need to let it go. She is not suffering now...I need any advice on how to make the bad thoughts and doubts FADE....please please fade....ugh... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 4, 2020 Report Share Posted September 4, 2020 14 minutes ago, Gracie4ever said: When I saw her before, it was the first time I'd ever sought out counseling and it helped me so much. I feel I am at that place again in life. I need all the help I can get. Please pray for me in this continued road to finding some measure of peace. I think of counseling (with a qualified professional) as a gift you can give yourself. It can change your life, and for the better. Good for you for recognizing your need for support, and for loving yourself enough to go after it. You are worth it, and you deserve it. We are pulling for you! ❤️ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracie4ever Posted September 4, 2020 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2020 3 hours ago, MartyT said: I think of counseling (with a qualified professional) as a gift you can give yourself. It can change your life, and for the better. Good for you for recognizing your need for support, and for loving yourself enough to go after it. You are worth it, and you deserve it. We are pulling for you! ❤️ Aww, Marty, you're the best!! You are right, it can change my life for the better. I know I tend to get stuck in my own way of thinking and just dig myself deeper and deeper into emotional pain. The last time I met with her, she introduced other ways of thinking and I thought to myself, wow, that actually makes sense! She was looking out for me and I wasn't looking out for myself! I really think I will do it. Thank you so much for your continued support. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 5, 2020 Report Share Posted September 5, 2020 It's good if you can see a grief counselor or even get help with the anxiety, between all this and the pandemic too, it a bit much! Hoping all goes well as you proceed. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracie4ever Posted September 5, 2020 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2020 4 minutes ago, kayc said: It's good if you can see a grief counselor or even get help with the anxiety, between all this and the pandemic too, it a bit much! Hoping all goes well as you proceed. Thank you, Kay. You’re so right...there are plenty of reasons to get counseling! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracie4ever Posted September 5, 2020 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2020 13 hours ago, kayc said: It's good if you can see a grief counselor or even get help with the anxiety, between all this and the pandemic too, it a bit much! Hoping all goes well as you proceed. Any tips for finding a good grief counselor for one on one? I suppose since everyone is doing it online, I could pretty much hire anyone anywhere. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 5, 2020 Report Share Posted September 5, 2020 Finding Support for Pet Loss Pet Loss Counseling Seeing A Specialist in Grief Counseling: Does It Matter? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gracie4ever Posted September 5, 2020 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2020 19 hours ago, MartyT said: Finding Support for Pet Loss Pet Loss Counseling Seeing A Specialist in Grief Counseling: Does It Matter? Thank you, Marty! I wish you offered one-on-one counseling. 😄 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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