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I recalled today that my girl would eat a few bites then lay down nearby and I thought she didn’t like the food so I kept changing it up. Towards the end she’d also go to her water bowl and put her head over it, then leave. But I have a picture of her drinking water on Monday and she passed on Wednesday...so it was sporadic. That’s why I didn’t know until now that these things happened because her legs were weak.

I feel so bad thinking that she was hungry or thirsty and couldn’t stand long enough and just went back to bed. I think it happened only in her last few days but any, is too much! I figured it out and started serving her food and water while she lay down...so her last two days she did eat and drink..,but I feel so bad or those times I didn’t realize!!

Why did she do it sporadically so I thought she was ok? Why did she hide her pain? I don’t know how to deal with these memories in any health way. I know that it ends up that most animals do suffer before they pass because they hide it too well. Still, I feel guilty.

I know she isn’t suffering now but I think the guilt will overtake me. I’m meeting with a trauma counselor on Tuesday. I really hope she can help me figure out a way to endure all of these overwhelming feelings.

Thank you to all in this forum that try to help each other through our grief. You are each appreciated!

 

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Just like we do, they have their ups and downs, times when they do better, times when they feel worse.  I'm glad you'll be meeting with a counselor Tuesday.  

Try to remember that your feelings are just that, feelings.  They do not MAKE you guilty of anything, the way I look at it, feelings are just something to be dealt with, sometimes they are accurate indicators but many times they are not...they are not meant to be a barometer of anything.  :wub:

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Thank you so much, Kay. Part of me can't fight that feeling - that if I feel guilty, I must be guilty. I hope I can learn to distract my mind when I start to go downhill with guilt feelings so I don't spiral out of control. Oh, and Kay, I've also sent an email to my Doctor to see if I can try something for anxiety. Hopefully we will find something to help just a bit...anything would help....

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Let me know what you find out, okay?!  How cool that your doctor lets you email, I don't have that avenue with mine.

Every time you catch yourself feeling that guilt shroud, tell yourself something affirming that you know to be true about your relationship with her, such as, I gave her the best life I could and she knows that I love her.:wub:  That is a TRUTH, and the guilt is a "feeling" to be dealt with, we can overcome this!

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  • 1 month later...

Gracie, thank you so much for posting. I've been following a lot of your posts and they resonate so deeply with me. I only lost my Westley 2 days ago but I'm reflecting now on the days leading up to his death, and my husband and I realized that he wasn't eating as much, drinking as much and was sleeping a little extra. It wasn't enough to cause any concern in us at the time, we thought he's just elderly and he's bound to have some slower days. Now I'm thinking that he wasn't feeling well and was getting ready to cross the rainbow bridge. And we had no idea. Not even an inkling. We actually were excited that he'd recovered from a different incident a couple weeks prior and was on the mend. 

Reflection is so hard. I know it's a natural part of grieving but you play the same situations over and over in your head and ask yourself the same questions. Could I have prevented this? If I'd seen the signs sooner could I have given them more time? I hope you know that you were truly a good puppy parent, and in a perfect world we would all make the perfect decisions and our babies would live forever :(  but you gave your dog love and kindness and compassion, and that is perfection. That's all we can do. 

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1 hour ago, amboehlen said:

Gracie, thank you so much for posting. I've been following a lot of your posts and they resonate so deeply with me. I only lost my Westley 2 days ago but I'm reflecting now on the days leading up to his death, and my husband and I realized that he wasn't eating as much, drinking as much and was sleeping a little extra. It wasn't enough to cause any concern in us at the time, we thought he's just elderly and he's bound to have some slower days. Now I'm thinking that he wasn't feeling well and was getting ready to cross the rainbow bridge. And we had no idea. Not even an inkling. We actually were excited that he'd recovered from a different incident a couple weeks prior and was on the mend. 

Reflection is so hard. I know it's a natural part of grieving but you play the same situations over and over in your head and ask yourself the same questions. Could I have prevented this? If I'd seen the signs sooner could I have given them more time? I hope you know that you were truly a good puppy parent, and in a perfect world we would all make the perfect decisions and our babies would live forever :(  but you gave your dog love and kindness and compassion, and that is perfection. That's all we can do. 

Dear, I am so dreadfully sorry for the loss of your dear Westley 2 days ago. My heart aches because I remember how I felt 2 days after. Thank you so much for your kind and loving post. We are not the only ones who have regrets and wonder if we missed something. It is a part of grieving that seems to grab all of us by the throat. My girl had diabetes for about three weeks and it actually got under control with change of diet, but then she kept refusing foods and I figured she just didn't like the replacement foods I was offering...but now I think she was losing her appetite due to her other health issues. Dear, we did the best we could. Trying to see things when animals are so good at hiding them...it's impossible to do better than we did. Our babies could not live forever and in perfect health, but that's what our hearts keep trying to work out for them.

My Vet told me that even she had regrets after the loss of her dear cat. That really told me something...if even she had a hard time figuring out what to do, we will definitely struggle with the same issues. One of my friends told me that a pet's paradise is to be with someone who loves them. Our dears definitely knew that we loved them. In the end I knew she was suffering and I had to end that suffering, not prolong it. I wanted her just to rest and be at peace. I had asked a friend to hear some of my concerns today and we talked for an hour and it did help some. In two days will be the 2 month mark and some days seem better and some days seem worse. Today was a worse day.

As you might've seen in other posts, Marty mentions that sometimes we suffer with those feelings of guilt until we feel we have suffered enough. Dear, please know that just because you feel guilty doesn't mean you are actually guilty. It comes with the territory of having to make the decision to euthanize. Please show yourself the same compassion you show me, I know it's easier said than done. I have the same issue. Please try, because you obviously loved your baby and gave him a wonderful life full of love. That's all they ask for, and we gave it to them.

Big hugs to you, dear! You can post here anytime and we will hear you...and understand. This is an awesome forum with wonderful people, which includes you.

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12 hours ago, Gracie4ever said:

Dear, please know that just because you feel guilty doesn't mean you are actually guilty.

For sure!

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/04/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-euthanasia.html

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