What IS there to look forward to?

[nashreed]

It's been almost 5 months since losing my beloved wife.  So, I have been struggling to even find a reason to get up every day. I find it very hard to find anything to look forward to. Nothing seems to matter without Annette.

I have a hard time watching shows that she enjoyed. It just doesn't seem right to enjoy her shows, so I tend to shy away from watching them. I can enjoy music that she didn't like, but find it difficult and sad to listen to artists she liked.  Finding a purpose, something to take pride in, is incredibly hard. There's just no motivation because I used to do everything for her. I took pride in maintaining our huge two lot yard. I don't have it anymore, as I had to move, so I don't even have that for exercise and purpose.

One thing I find I enjoy are treats and sweets- which are bad for me because I have Type 2 Diabetes. I have never been that into sugary stuff, but now I find they're inexpensive rewards- like Halloween donuts for example. I have to actually drive out of town to get to the different donut places, so I get out of the house too. It's bad for me, but it's a distraction.

How long did it take to get out of your grief and actually start to enjoy life?

[Kieron]

Still working on that one, James.  3.5 years on and I am still asking what there is to look forward to, although I'll admit the damned pandemic is largely behind that feeling, currently.  Although I am a gardener since age 15 when the "bug" bit me, and have had a big garden for 20+ years, it was only this past spring that I discovered that there is very little that makes me happy for more than a few minutes at a time, and that is F L O W E R S.  Cooped up as we were in the early days of Covid, I had such cabin fever that I bought a lot of flower seeds from several companies... a LOT.  🙄  (and so did everyone else in the US!)  I kind of overbought and kind of kicked myself for it when it came time to  scatter these seeds, but the end result was worth it.  All through July til now, seeing the scads of flowers waving in the breeze and all the bees, butterflies and birds etc brought a rather novel sense of what could be called happiness, so if I can survive the coming winter, I'm going to do it again-- twice as much.  😬  I'm probably crazy for considering this but oh well.  What else is there to look forward to?

 

[iPraiseHim]

4 hours ago, nashreed said:

It's been almost 5 months since losing my beloved wife.  So, I have been struggling to even find a reason to get up every day. I find it very hard to find anything to look forward to. Nothing seems to matter without Annette.

I have a hard time watching shows that she enjoyed. It just doesn't seem right to enjoy her shows, so I tend to shy away from watching them. I can enjoy music that she didn't like, but find it difficult and sad to listen to artists she liked.  Finding a purpose, something to take pride in, is incredibly hard. There's just no motivation because I used to do everything for her. I took pride in maintaining our huge two lot yard. I don't have it anymore, as I had to move, so I don't even have that for exercise and purpose.

One thing I find I enjoy are treats and sweets- which are bad for me because I have Type 2 Diabetes. I have never been that into sugary stuff, but now I find they're inexpensive rewards- like Halloween donuts for example. I have to actually drive out of town to get to the different donut places, so I get out of the house too. It's bad for me, but it's a distraction.

How long did it take to get out of your grief and actually start to enjoy life?

It took me quite awhile to deal with the Shock and Awe of my beloved wife's death from complications of Type 2 Diabetes. I learned to just take one day at a time. It was a couple of years after her death that my childhood dream of flying was rekindling. It was the first time I was looking FORWARD to something instead of just mourning her death.  It was a weird juxtaposition.  As part of this renewed passion, I determined to lose weight. In this process, I stalled after losing 45lbs. I was so determined, that I discovered the reason and that I too was pre-diabetic. When I learned the ROOT CAUSE and that I could STOP the progression of this disease, I changed my lifestyle, shed another 135lbs and put my diabetes in remission.  There is a HOPE and a FUTURE! I now have the opportunity to help many other people.

I still want to learn to fly yet there are a few other obstacles in my path yet I will not give up.  My hope still flickers.I keep pressing forward to the mark set before me.  This community has helped me tremendously through those early times and darkest hour.  Working through the grief steps that Marty T provides helps us to trudge through our personal grief journey and our community is here to support each other.  Take care.

PS I haven't even really thought about enjoying life... I'll have to ponder that.  I have come to learn to accept life on life's terms. Shalom (Peace be with you)

[kayc]

For myself, I didn't expect much but neither did I discount it...instead I focused on those small things that were good and learned to not only expect/look for good, but to embrace it when it comes with full appreciation.  It helped me with living in this present moment, and greatly helped my outlook.  As George (iPraiseHim) pointed out, we can still have our personal dreams although they can be altered, esp. as we age.  He has also helped me on my journey to lose weight and put my Diabetes into remission...I was able to get off my medicines for it and although it doesn't mean it's like I'm not Diabetic, it has given me back my life.  Other than my recent injuries for which I need surgeries and healing, I feel better than I have for over 20 years!  

I've also learned to value myself even as a solo person.  My George was  a huge joy in my life.  Now I count what I call my "little joys" in absence of my big joy.   Mostly I try to stay in today and recognize anything good in my life whatsoever!

 

[nashreed]

It is very, very hard to get up the wherewithal to actually be productive. I'm telling myself that in January I will have to motivate myself to do something that will make her proud- whether it be getting a job or even just volunteering at my father-in-law's church. With the pandemic, the election and December (her birthday, our anniversary, Christmas  ), I can't face it before then. I want to get out and try to be social, but I am not even sure of my personality right now. Do I even have one without her?  She was everything good in my life, and everything I did that was good was for her. 

[kayc]

Yes you have one, it takes time to discover who we are solo, we are so used to being part of a team, an us, we.

It will help you the more you are involved whether it's at a job or church, being out around people, I find balance helps.  That's why this pandemic is so hard, we aren't meant to live like this indefinitely!