Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Recommended Posts

Gee, I kind of would have actually enjoyed getting a Valentines Day greeting, but alas, nobody cares. I mean, it's just another day.. it shouldn't mean anything, but corporate America has made it to where it makes you (me) feel like it's supposed to be important- that if you have nobody to "celebrate" with, then you're worthless. I don't know Gwen, at least somebody thought of you for a moment- long enough to send you a greeting, and that's more than I get. Guess I'm jealous. Needless to say, I hate this day. If I had money, and I drank, I would drink myself into oblivion. Diet Dr. Pepper isn't killing me quick enough. 

There's some birds outside that are either fighting or making out- not sure. 

I can't tell you how much I hate living without Annette. I know you understand, Gwen. I don't have a choice, but if I was given the option I would check out immediately. It's so damn lonely. My Mom loves me, but doesn't show it- doesn't know how I don't think. I sometimes think she just puts up with me because I came out of her. She doesn't understand the person, even though we're actually very similar- but with different mental issues. I have developed really bad Misophonia. Her eating- especially scraping plate and cutting food noises drive me nuts- like a dagger to my brain. It's really bad. Thank God for headphones.

I'm sorry you don't have a hobby, Gwen. I just bought some CD's from Ebay auctions that I don't need, with money I don't have! It's something to look forward to. It's something to do, to fill the void. If I didn't have music I really would not survive. 

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 204
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Nope.  Myself included.  I really don’t know how to do this new way of life on top of the changes being a widow made.  This constant estrangement we are having to do socially is taking huge tolls.  I

And this is what I think of all of you.  Not gonna lie, I've had some paranoia (I call it), and somehow I pulled inside myself.  No reason, maybe start of dementia.  Last night I gave Bri my debit car

Thank you for that Gwen and Marg. I'm not brave or noble, just a woman with a broken heart who needed to tell her story among friends in hopes that some would understand.

Posted Images

Kevin:  Your new home is really nice.  Good to read how much excitement this new home offers you.  Good luck in your upcoming move.  Wondering if all the ice and snow will be gone before you begin moving in.  Do hope so.  Enjoy moving forward.  Dee

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Love the house Kevin.  Beautiful.  

Someone just quoted 12 inches snow for us here.  We can handle floods, tornadoes, insect invasion, but I'm not sure about 12 inches of snow.  One thing about Louisiana, one day  it is flip flops, next day Croc's, then sneakers, now none of us have snow shoes.  Every store ran out of propane in both parishes.  It will come one day, supposed to be down to 4 degrees or lower and then it will be up to 70 the next day.................but SNOW????  It was every year up in Arkansas and looked forward to making Billy snow ice cream, but won't do that again.  

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

April ist the cold weather is gone ,but snow is always possible until May long week end.....Its only a move of 5 miles so not much changes. The move is more of an inconvenience and a few expenses( duplication of insurance, utilities until I sell existing property)..........need new couch,  love seat, and footon"......and new 60 " TV....!!!.All part of the Journey....

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, nashreed said:

at least somebody thought of you for a moment- long enough to send you a greeting, and that's more than I get. Guess I'm jealous.

Yes, it was appreciated someone thought of me.  But it intensified what I feel every day and just slid thru it years before.  We would just mention it to each other in passing.  I think it’s more that I’m having such a hard time without him lately that  it’s an annoying holiday this year.  I did used to grab him a small chocolate heart for about 50 cents when shopping.  But no cards, flowers or dinners ever.  Maybe that is what I miss.  That silly little chocolate he’d find rummaging thru the bags.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, wow!  Kevin your place is beautiful, love the chairs too, so much style and elegance!  I hope you have many years of shared happiness there!
 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Valentines is a double whammy for me, 16 years since George and I celebrated Valentines that last time, only we had no idea it'd be the last one.  Then too, always celebrated Arlie's birthday on Valentines as I knew his birth was around there, so my little (or not so little) valentine is gone now and that is hard.  I made the day about Kodie, tried to give him the best possible day, had a new stuffed dog for him to chew up, gave him a special treat, took him for a play date, walks, he enjoyed it and got into the celebratory stuff by standing up and begging for more treats where the treat jar is kept!  :D  Dogs catch onto spoiling fast!

By and large, it's a hard day.  Thinking of our George here, as tomorrow is the anv. of Rose Anne's death...

Valentines Day is hard when you're alone.  Thinking of all of you that are snowed in.  Hang in there, it'll be over soon.  Less than two months and winter will be over, for me usually through April 7.  My grandson's bdy party is March 7, hoping I can make it but I never know until the day arrives as weather predictions can't be counted on.  I can't be overnight this time of year, have to keep the fire going and never know what I'll find coming home if too much snow or what.  Did I say I hate winter?

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

We have such a large amount of ice under this snow I put one foot on it and it slid around.  So, i will stay inside a couple of more days.  I might have to cut up old towels.   We are out of paper towels and I cannot convince Bri to use soda for toothpaste.  We used to use it.  I don't know how much more toilet paper we have but that might get me out of the house in a couple of days.  Supposed to be up close to 70 sometimes real soon.  

Hope y'all are warm.  The people in Texas are having a hard time.  Our largest hospital ran out of water and heat was not working.  We are not  having a Mardi Gras good time down here.  I'm just not used to these conditions (I tell myself) and I really mean I am not used to them by myself.  We had it snow nearly every year in Arkansas and snow ice cream was Billy's favorite ice cream with condensed milk.  I won't even make it again.  

Going to bed.  Stay warm.  

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

I managed to find a recipe for Keto version of sweetened condensed milk, my dad used to put it in his coffee every day, good thing he wasn't diabetic!

I hope you stay in as long as it's icy, you do NOT need to take a fall and break something!  Can you call someone to bring you t-paper, toothpaste, etc.?  I took a fall a while back, hit a spot of ice and it didn't care WHAT kind of traction I had on my boots, I went down so hard/fast!  Can't argue against mother nature!

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, Marg M said:

Hope y'all are warm.  The people in Texas are having a hard time.  Our largest hospital ran out of water and heat was not working.  We are not  having a Mardi Gras good time down here.

Marg:  When I saw the news the other day about Texas I was hoping you weren't getting ice and snow in North Louisiana.  Do hope someone can bring you what you need until it warms up some.  Stay warm and safe.  Dee  

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Dee, we are so close to Texas line we got some bad stuff.  There were18 wheelers stacked up, I cannot even tell you how many.  We were lucky, we kept electricity and water so we were comfortable except cannot go out for the basics.  We use paper towels like they were....paper towels.  That is all we ran out of.  Funny thing is, that Charmin commercial is correct.  We stacked toilet paper on the paper towel holder and it is better than some of the paper towels.  Will probably get out tomorrow.  The 18 wheelers could not get through to stack the shelves of the grocery stores so we forget about the chain of products, how we get them.  Crazy weather and times.  I might have to read Revelation's in the Bible.  All we need now is an infestation of locusts.  (I'm going from childhood memory).  Revelation, in the Bible, scares me. 

Kay, hope you are not too sore from falling and glad it is only soreness.  Y'all know how to handle this stuff better than I do.  Tornadoes, hurricanes, floods, I know where to go and not to  go.  This solid ice on bottom of snow, I know to stay inside.   

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Marg M said:

We were lucky, we kept electricity and water so we were comfortable except cannot go out for the basics. 

Marg:  Good you had electricity and water.  I don't know the Bible very well, too many years since I went to Sunday School.  I had hoped 2021 was going to be a better year for all of us, but am having some doubts so far.  Will keep hoping the worst of winter is behind all of us. 

My sister in law who lives in Portland, OR, was excited about the predicted snow fall last time I spoke with her.  Unfortunately, the predicted snow fall turned out to be a wind and ice storm.  They were without power and water for a week, unable to flush since they are on a well.  Fortunately they have a wood burning fireplace so kept warm by their fireplace. 

Do be careful when you go out.  Warm hugs, Dee

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

DI am so grateful the snow we got was just a few days of inconvenience.   Watching all the storms slamming the country and what so many people are having to endure. This has so messed up vaccinations too.  We may be cleared up as far as weather here, but we can’t get the vaccine flown in.  So far 2021 isn’t feeling much better than last year.  The only good is seeing deaths go down.  Timelines keep getting pushed out on returning to even a semblance of what life was like.  People don’t cope well in constant unknowns.  That is what we have right now.  More things have opened up, but still so many restrictions, masks and distance being the biggies.  

A buddy came by today and volunteered to help me get Mel in for a much needed nail trim.  It was a crazed experience.   Meeting the women I know at the CC for a meal made me feel sad as they had plans after I couldn’t do as it was a lot of walking.  So I came home.  I was anxious and shaking.  I was glad to see everyone I did, but getting to used to being alone.  Losing my spontaneity.  It’s my only way of feeling some control.  But it’s not healthy.  Getting out of my dull routine makes me feel as bad as being stuck in it.  This is the strangest place I’ve ever been on this journey.  What’s most frustrating is I don’t even know how to accurately describe it.  

I want to change my schedule a bit to get more sleep.  I realized I give myself 7 hours, but I lose almost an hour from waking and having to move and find a way to go back to sleep.  This causes anxiety as it challenges my routine that is ingrained but scary to think of changing.  Oh, how I wish Steve were here.  Life was so much simpler and safe with him.  

 

 

 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, Marg M said:

Funny thing is, that Charmin commercial is correct.  We stacked toilet paper on the paper towel holder and it is better than some of the paper towels. 

Good to know!  I never watch commercials so hadn't seen it. ;)  Charmin is best but not as affordable as Kirkland, but I doubt Kirkland would hold up as a paper towel!  I have to be careful what goes into my septic tank as they don't all break down equally/as fast.
Wow on the 18 wheelers!  I saw the pileup in TX, I forget how many, over 150 I know, I don't know how emergency personnel tackled that!  What a mess!  It looked like someone would be lucky to escape with their life!  
A friend of mine moved to TX a while back (friends keep doing that!) and was in the middle of moving into a downstairs apt. and 1/2 their stuff in one place, other half in another and the apt. above them the water tank burst and flooded their place.  They were supposed to finish their move that day, had volunteers on hand and everything.  They are without internet as that was due to be set up at the new place and now they can't be there as everything needs major repairs, and his isn't the only one so it'll be a while.  His roommate is having huge anxiety attacks!  Lucky for him, Tim is calm and collected, I'm sure he's very good influence on his roommate through this time.

So many affected by the storms!  For once in my life I've been fortunate so far...two years ago that was not the case.  2/24/19 we had the worst storm I'd seen, excepting Columbus Day storm, and my parents had to deal with that, I was still a child so it was an adventure to me!  I didn't understand the danger, I just knew it was like camping, huddled in a room together, using a Coleman Stove, heating Campbell's soup for dinner, fortunately we had a fireplace.  Eugene came to a screeching halt with that storm!  Stores were closed, no one could go to work, can't remember how long, a few days.  Some of our roof blew off but the house was well made.  I would not fare so well in my old worn out broke down mobile home, I'm afraid!  I was amazed my roof made it through the snowpocalypse intact.  If my son hadn't shoveled the snow off of it when he did, it might have been a totally different story.

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, widow'15 said:

My sister in law who lives in Portland, OR, was excited about the predicted snow fall last time I spoke with her.  Unfortunately, the predicted snow fall turned out to be a wind and ice storm.  They were without power and water for a week, unable to flush since they are on a well.  Fortunately they have a wood burning fireplace so kept warm by their fireplace. 

I'm too old to like "adventures" like this any more!  But we were out for over 8 days two years ago, and it was NOT fun!  No water, phone, internet, no way to cook except on top of my wood stove.  I couldn't even go behind a tree in the back yard as too much snow frozen 4'5" hard you couldn't shovel or walk in it.  I was one of the lucky ones, I have a wood stove.  Most up here do, we know how unstable the electricity is with the wind storms....one tree down can knock it out and the electric company seems to have us on lowest priority.  They go where there's more populous.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

This has so messed up vaccinations too

My sister is 76 and severe COPD & Diabetes, she smokes heavily, she was eligible for vaccine 2/15 and signed up four places, they held a clinic yesterday but never called her!  I am so mad at them!  She has to arrange a ride (me or her friend) ahead of time and she doesn't have computer, they knew that, it was on the application!  A different place is holding one Monday IF they have the vaccines in, it's been held up by the storms across the country.  This roll out is a mess and they don't seem to be handling it right, here anyway!

 

5 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

getting to used to being alone.

Yeah, me too.  I thought about that yesterday, I am so used to my ways and being alone, I wonder how I'd do living with someone?  It's been 15 years except my son's in and out times in college and that was years ago.  I liked living with him, he was so easygoing and we get along so well.  I guess it helps that I raised him the way I like 'em!  :D

13 hours ago, widow'15 said:

Do be careful when you go out.

Yes, to all of us!  This stuff can be slippery!  I always taught my dogs that word so they know, especially on the ramp, it's the first to freeze.  Kodie knows now too.

Thank you all for being here, it's a connectivity of a sort that really helps, we NEED that now more than ever!  Going through this pandemic alone ain't for wusses!

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, kayc said:

they held a clinic yesterday but never called her! 

I just heard from a woman that she showed up for her 2nd shot yesterday and they were out.  This is all so disorganized.  It’s discouraging.   I gave up looking for appointments since I have mid March standing and hoping that by then things will be on time.  It’s like a movie where so much goes wrong with the storms added to this.  Now the variants.  Fauci says masks maybe into 2022.  Another year of this?  Sometimes I wonder if we’ll ever get ahead of this. 

6 hours ago, kayc said:

I am so used to my ways and being alone, I wonder how I'd do living with someone? 

I can’t imagine it all now.   I’m so used to being able to be the weird person I’ve become having to adjust over the years.  I’d find it really annoying having someone else rattling around in here, making noise, messing things up so I’d have to redo them.  I noticed that yesterday after my friend left and had helped do so much with Melody.  I couldn’t wait to straighten out the chair cover he was using.  That’s probably a sign of some mental stress, but I can’t help what the isolation has done.  I did that all the time with Steve, but I was used to it.  It was 2nd nature and didn’t hurt.  There’s also a big difference when it’s a spouse/partner than a roommate.

6 hours ago, kayc said:

Thank you all for being here, it's a connectivity of a sort that really helps, we NEED that now more than ever!  Going through this pandemic alone ain't for wusses!

I feel the same.  Missing a lot of people here, but know they are dealing with challenges  elsewhere.  I’m definitely in the wuss category.  Didn’t think I would be, but lost a lot of strength when I stopped being a we to a me.  I’ve done so much over the years, but what matters is how you feel inside.  I didn’t have to struggle for that strength.  It was there without struggling for it.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

The way I feel now, it doesn't matter to me if we ever get back to normal. Normal? What is that? I used to love going to Disneyland, but I can't imagine ever feeling normal being around crowds like that again. It all really has messed with my head. Right now, I just am concerned with my Mom not getting it, and that's all. My brother has no fear of it. Let him work and get groceries and I'm happy to be holed up with my music. I'm getting into an artist called Jandek- and that's dangerous. If you're curious, there's the first album called Ready For The House on YouTube I'm sure. It's fascinating, and dark and sounds literally like mental illness- but his story is so fascinating (I even saw him live once!) that it's addicting. Extremely prolific, and Annette hated him. I don't have to worry about bothering her playing him now. His music is literally how I feel now. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Think I’ll pass.  My life has enough depressing mental challenges.  Plus, music is a bad trigger for me.  Glad you find it helpful tho.  Whatever it takes.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Depressing music would just make me more depressed.

Gwen, while sometimes I long to spend time with someone (social isolation gets to us!) my home is my sanctuary, it's a strange feeling when someone invades it, not used to it!  Although with someone I'm close to that doesn't judge me, someone I can be comfortable with, I can have them over without the anxiety.  Like my two GFs that used to come play scrabble.  I miss them.  I have what Covid has done to our lives.

 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

It’s weird, isn’t it?  How we become adapted to something we would normally hate.  In the beginning a lot more people would be by occasionally and it didn’t bother me a bit.  Now it’s so rare it’s unsettling until I have a but to adjust.  Now I’m glad when it’s over and I never felt that way.  A couple people used to bring their dogs over too.  It was fun.  

Yup, blame it on covid.  Changed everything.  As I just posted in Finding Marg, this might have been avoided if the powers in charge (one in particular) would have taken this seriously so it hadn’t gotten us into a headlock.  Now we are a country divided that could have been avoided.

i want to feel relaxed again.  This isn't healthy physically or mentally.  I still forget my mask now and then.  Not a good thing when you are handicapped and have to trek back for it.  

Time, and a lot of it, will tell if we ever return to what we knew.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

We are okay.  I am going to buy boxes of rock salt this summer (of course I won't remember)..  I kept trying to put my feet on the wooden part, ice on top, snow on top of that.  Feet would slide and no way was I going out.  The thing was, all the 18 wheelers were trying to get to stores.  Something about Texas providing their own electric grid (and no way am I understanding that any more than that Qanon cult.)  I thought Qanon was a branch of AA, like Al-Anon.  Not into politics or religion because I don't understand either, but believe in one, the rest is just mumbo-jumbo.  Got to the store and the shelves could not be restocked except from the trucks that could get through.  It was in the 70's today.  

My sister got the  vaccination, first one.  I'm afraid to with the shape my "innards" are in.  Your still supposed to wear a mask and a new strain is always being found.  

Nothing good going on.  You people, Gin, Gwen, Kay, Dee, and Canada people.......wow!!!!  Just wow!!!!!  Flatlanders can handle floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, but we can't handle ice and snow.

Keep safe y'all.  

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...