Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Runaway Kitty


Recommended Posts

I feel so silly writing this, but I'm struggling in a way I haven't before.

Two nights ago my little 8 year old Russian blue, Jupiter, disappeared while on her usual evening hunt around our cabin. We live in the country, on 20 mountain acres far from any roads and almost a mile from any other house.

Jupiter was really special. She was a gift from my husband. I'd never owned a cat before. I have endometriosis, and around 5 years ago the pain was so bad I had insomnia nearly every night. I asked for a companion for the sleepless evenings, and he suggested a cat would be the best because of their nocturnal nature.

He took me to a local shelter and let me have my pick. I saw Jupiter huddled in the back of her glass cage, while most of the other cats were out. The volunteer said Jupiter wasn't a fan of anyone, refused to be held, and didn't get along with other cats. She grew up feral, but had been tamed and taken in by an elderly woman who passed away soon after dropping her off at the shelter. She had been there for 5 months. When we let her out she allowed my husband to pick her up, took my touches affectionately, even purred to the surprise of the volunteer.

We took her home and she warmed up immediately. I spent all my sleepless nights with her. She often slept on my side where the pain was the worst or curled around my shoulder. She loved my husband, and when my son was born she took to him just the same, even put up with all his antics as he grew.

When we moved to the mountains her whole world changed. We tried to keep her in, but she kept busting out regularly, until finally she would come outside with us during the afternoon. She had her own little territory, and followed us in whenever we went. Eventually she started wanting to go out at night. I was really resistant at first, but when she nearly broke through the screen on the window I gave up. The first time I let her out I knew the risks, but she came back every couple hours, and would curl up between my husband and I long before dawn.

She was so happy. Mousing. Hunting birds and chipmunks. She would proudly bring back her kills, she would hunt with our pups when they were out there. I hated every second she was out there, but my husband and father agreed that she was having the time of her life, even with the risks. I guess you can take the cat out of the wild, but you can't take the wild out of the cat.

Two nights ago I let her out right before bed, and kept the window open all night long.

I fell asleep, (I have a spinal fluid leak currently, which makes sleep ridiculously necessary), and woke up to my husband calling for her near dawn. She had missed her 2 hr window, and hadn't returned at all.

My husband had to work, but as soon I could I got up with my little boy to look for her. Nowhere in her usual territory. Not hiding anywhere I looked. Checked every hole, every tree, every opening. Any structure I could find. I couldn't go far with my injury, but as soon as my husband was home he went everywhere. We went out together at night. Took the treat bag. Used flashlights and did it again the next night. We asked all the neighbors, I put in reports with the two shelters in our county and the neighboring one... but this is the wilderness.

I'm devoid of hope with so many predators around. I knew the risks. I just wanted her happy. I know she wouldn't have been if I had kept her inside, but I still feel extremely guilty. I used toys, tried to play with her often myself, but it never matched up.

She wasn't like a child to me, but she was my best friend. She was a deep source of comfort, a shadow, a companion that was always happy to see me.

I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to pet her or hold her one last time. I don't know what happened to her or where she is or how much she's suffering. She took me through 3 surgeries, was with me for most of my labor, laid with me after I came back from my c-section, and has kept me sane during all my time being trapped at home because of my health. I have no body. No ashes. Not even a paw print. I only have her collar with the little bell that I took off so she could move silently... the same collar she proudly let me put on her neck the week she came home.

I don't know how to reconcile the guilt or the ambiguity of what happened to her. I can't search for her with my health, but I'm constantly looking when my son naps (picture a sad, frumpy mom with the biggest binoculars ever looking through every window in a house). Even our dogs continue to look out the window she always came through, as though they are just as confused as I am about where she went.

I have a CT myelogram coming up, and it will be my first medical procedure without her by my side.

I feel like I failed her. I wish with all my heart she was back and I have no clue where to go from here.

Thank you for listening...


  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, whisper117 said:

I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to pet her or hold her one last time. I don't know what happened to her or where she is or how much she's suffering.

I think this is the worst, the worry and no closure, also knowing she was still young enough to have more years left.  My Miss Mocha disappeared 6/3/16, she never would have left on her own, I knew a cougar had gotten her.  It's something I just knew in my heart, but I looked in the woods and never found her body, but they can take their prey quite a ways before they have them.  It broke my heart.  For days I'd keep looking towards the patio door hoping to see her wanting in, it never happened.  She wasn't a roamer, she picked me and this place, she was so happy here, I had her for 10 1/2 years and she was in great health.  

I'm so sorry, it's hard to make our own closure when we don't know the answers.  Having started out as a ferral cat, she probably would have had a hard time being happy as an indoor only cat.  I know what Jackson says on My Cat from Hell but I wonder if he's ever really dealt with ferral cats.

How long has she been gone?  I've heard of cats making their way back home after being gone for a long time, but it's also possible she met a fate with a wild animal.  My only consolation with Miss Mocha is that it grabbed her from behind, quickly, and she went into shock, numbing her from terror and pain.  


  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...