Five months without my dog, I miss her so much

[paula__]

Hi everybody, hope you're all doing okay. I put my 14 year old dog to sleep five months ago and I've started to hurt the most lately... It's been gradual sometimes, I got a tattoo of her name during summer because I couldn't stand not having her near me, it sounds strange but having her name on my skin feels like I have her with me in some way.

But I still miss her the most... I feel so alone and I think about how great she was all the time, all our moments together. And lately I've been feeling so low, so sad with myself, like nothing is enough. I've also been having dreams/nightmares about her, I mean I dream that she's alive and I am with her but in my dream I know she's dead. So it doesn't make sense. It's as if in my dreams I refuse to let go of the idea that she's not alive... I don't know what to think about it but I guess it's normal in the grief journey. 

Anyway I feel like the pain gets stronger these days and I find it hard to even talk about her because I start to cry. I feel a stronger connection to her than I've ever felt before and in some way that feels nice and special, but so painful. 

I'm glad that I can come to this forum to share my emotions. 

[kayc]

I understand, and I'm glad you find comfort in getting a tat with her name, my daughter got a paw print tat on her ankle, and her and her friends got stars commemorating their friend who died 14 years ago, and I have a tat with my husband's name and our symbol also.

So hard...I don't know if you've seen this or not but here it is...

 

 

[Gracie4ever]

Dear Paula,

I’m so sorry for your loss. She will always be a part of you, so she’s in your heart and your thoughts and dreams. I understand all you are saying. I see memories of my girl in my home and I feel really sad yet I also want to look at them. The same things or memories make me both happy and sad. I’ve never experienced so much of this “confusion” in my life.

I understand how it can feel like things feel worse ...grief ebbs and flows...I thought I was doing a bit better for a few days but today the tears won’t stop. In two days will be the 2 month mark since the day she went to rest. Please know that we truly feel your pain and understand your feelings and we are here for you. Hugs to you.

 

[Coco Forever]

Paula I certainly know where you are coming from as what you have wrote could have been written by me and probably many others off here so you are not alone in having those feelings.Nearly six months for me but my the pain and sadness is still with me most days.In fact just before writing this I decided to look at the many phone pics I have of him but I still cannot look at them without crying but by doing this I hope it will get easier for me but it’s no exaggeration that my grief has been immense on my mental health,so much so that I still have dark thoughts although these are less frequent but cuddling up to him in bed at nights are what I still miss most and licking my face in a mornings urging me to get up for his breakfast then his walk.Think it’s time for me to stop there😢and I wish you prayers and peace as I do to all our bereaved pet lovers on here.

Frankie x

[amboehlen]

I'm so sorry Paula, it sounds like the love between you and your baby was deep and eternal. Please know that no matter how much time passes, your grief is still valid and we will always be here to hear you. Not being able to have my departed cat near me, held against my chest, brings me so much pain. The tattoo is such a beautiful idea. We got a clay imprint of my cat's paw and holding it against my chest gives me some relief, even if it's only a little

May I ask what your dog's name was? She sounds like a sweet baby, again I'm so sorry for your loss