Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Recommended Posts

Sean Connery, eh? :D  Been a long time since I had a celebrity crush, they don't seem real to me, fictitious like the parts they play.  Maybe Tom Selleck, although I haven't even seen him in anything in forever.  Don't watch a lot of t.v.

I hear you on the missing them, it's continual!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 5 months later...
On 10/29/2020 at 4:08 PM, nashreed said:

Hello,

So, I have been widowed for five and a half months. It's been hard to keep occupied and feel like doing or caring about anything. The one thing that I love is music, and I collect CD's (I know it's cool to collect vinyl now, but I honestly can't understand how anybody can afford that hobby). I have been collecting CD's since before I met my wife, so it's been a passion and a distraction for 35 years (CD's were expensive and the cool music medium that long ago).

Through our marriage, Annette was always very tolerant of my obsession, and even though I really shouldn't have spent the money (we were pretty poor), she let me have my fun and buy some cheap ones now and again. When I was working in CD stores, the deals were more plentiful and I justified my spending because I could get bargains. As I became a manager, I could get free promotional CD's, so that was great. So, the collection really started to get out of hand (there is definitely hoarding tendencies in the family-big time). She never really complained. She was a saint. She never was into possessions (too many moves early in life), but understood me. My collection often saved our bacon because I knew some CD's that would be valuable and could be sold for a lot later on, so being a collector was advantageous.

As her health got worse, I would spend money on CD's (money I really should have saved for her needs) as a reward, or to cope with the stress. I feel such guilt that I was really going crazy with spending (in amounts that she didn't notice, but I shouldn't have). I feel like if I would have saved all that money I could have spent it on something that could have saved or prolonged her life.

So now here I am, without her -but with all these thousands of CD's. I am slowly selling rare ones on Ebay, and I need the music to play to keep me sane. They give me purpose and something to focus on. Through our whole marriage they kind of defined me and she told her sister that being a crazy collector was one of the things that she loved about me (Lord knows why).

How have your hobbies changed and evolved (or devolved) with the passing of your loved one?

James

 

If your CD collecting and listening is or has always been a pleasure for you, I'm sure your wife would still support you in that way and not have any bad feelings about how you spent money. I think money is possibly the last thing anyone cares about once they die, assuming the soul lives on elsewhere. Sometimes we have petty arguments in life over things that really don't matter and then we hang on to the bad feeling we got arguing and assume the other person permanently holds that particular view. But life is never like that, only in our heads. Real life and real people are always changing, however slightly. 

I think it's cool that you collect CDs, anyway. That you take an interest in that, are you a musician or simply a fan? I can tell you from my own experience, most musicians deeply appreciate interest in their work, of course with success it is easy to sort of take it for granted, but when you first get going, knowing someone likes your music so much they want to own a copy to enjoy more in future, is so THRILLING. it really is. It feels so validating like all your hard work and time is "paying off", but it's not about the money it's knowing there is someone out there enjoying your own music. And a lot of work and time goes into album designs and whatnot too, so even though it is a commercial product it can still be great art. I don't use CDs too often now but saved all my CDs from the past in a big suitcase. Occasionally I go through them, also got tons of burned CD-Rs and as soon as I see them, all the memories flood back not only of the musif the circumstances of my life. I bet you'll come across CDs that bring to mind amazing memories with your wife and you'll be glad that you bought them then and kept them till now. I remember before streaming digital music was a thing, my dad got into making his own CDs and used to take great care printing out artwork and stuff, writing out tracklists and playing times. I personally don't care for this modern streaming thing, ai think ultimately it devalues music; when you have instant access to everything, it all feels so cheap suddenly, but buying cassettes and CDs used to feel so thrilling and meaningful, taking the time to browse through the racks, taking a chance on something. It was so much better than streaming IMHO.

Want to hear something sad and unrelated to grief? I watched one of those "kids react to________" videos on youtube and I think it was kids react to the Beatles, and one youngster was perplexed, why are all those people standing there watching them play when they can just listen to music on their ipod? Isn't that so weird? might just be the age thing but it has to be a cultural thing too. Music is drifting away from that cultural appreciation of seeing musicians performing live. Kids don't see why it is special. Performance is so special because so much goes into it. When you record songs, it's one at a time, usually spending days to months on a single song, you get lost in the world of that one song, but performing live is switching every few minutes, to a new key, new style, new tempo etc, there's a lot of fine adjustments the musicians are making rapidly in their minds to do well in the next tune. And no one is a robot,circumstances and conditions affect your playing. I used to like collecting bootleg CDs sold in small CD shops of various bands live shows. Every day before school I'd make the tough decison of which show to take with me for the day on my cd player. Each show had its own distinct vibe, mood, feel, and even if the setlist was exactly the same, there were never two performances exactly alike, there is that saying you can't step in the same river twice, because it is always moving, it is a fresh river next time. I see music the same way. Someitimes we try to redo an old recording, and think it will be so easy now - ha! always inevitably becomes its own version, no matter what.

I like when albums from the 60s get remastered and presented as douhle discs or longer pkay with both the mono original mix and stereo remaster mixes on together. A band like the Beatles only mixed in mono, the guys themselves I mean, and they left the stereo mixes to thw engineers because it was considered a novelty to them. Even years later they all expressed that their work was better in mono. The Beach boys too. I never felt like I truly heard these albums as intended until i heard the mono mixes. I wish it had not become an unspoken rule in the music busines, Thou shalt only mix in stereo! For some music mono is just better, like old bluegrass records. They sound amazing mono, fall apart to me in stereo all spread out, theres a lot to be said of the artistry of mono mixing, consider the song "Celeste" by Donovan, such a beautiful monomix, the song has many varied insteuments and yet sounds perfectly clear each and every one, it has a masterful balance of levels. Mixing in stereo, its too easy to think it sounds good because panning something makes it clear, and the end result is often sloppy and chaotic. Usually the stereo vs mono debate regarding Beatles/Beach boys albums goes on for hundreds of pages and ends with no resolution. But for anyone reading this and previously unaware, if you go to youtube, type in the artist and song and then add "mono" and search. Most big classic hits from the 60s are uploaded in high quality vinyl rips and sound how they used to and give the same good old feeling. I was born in 88 but always really liked music from the 60s the most. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Spending $ CAN be a problem when it's beyond your budget (or you don't even have a budget) to the point where you can't afford basics, like place to live, food, paying bills on time, etc.  Hoarding can be a problem when it affects our health or that of others around us, like if it's a danger getting around, can't be comfortable, have to step on things, etc.  There's a difference between a hobby and going overboard.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...