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Relationship ended due to that she lost her father


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12 hours ago, kayc said:

So is she wanting someone there with her to make the ex jealous?

I don't think so. I just have a feeling she wants me to be around so her ex wont bother her -- and also that her friends could meet me since they've been longing to meet me before. But since I've told her that I won't be coming with her to Pampanga and go on with my plans instead, all of those things she planned on her head won't matter anymore. And plus, I'm not her boyfriend anymore, why would I even meet her friends?

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I want to post this to help you understand her situation a little better and perhaps learn through this experience, not that I think you should necessarily be that person helping her with her grief. 

Oh Hon, my heart is so sorry for you, I know the pain, I've been through this, over ten years ago, we learn from everything we go through, but I want to assure you that this is not your fault!  Had yo

Yes. And you're trying your best to understand a person who doesn't even understand herself right now . . . 

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Hi, @kayc I hope everything is good with you. I just want to give you an update regarding the situation

For the past few days Alek and I are continuing talking to each other on a daily basis but we only keep it to a really small talk. She would usually message me first just asking how am I -- and I would initiate conversation with her and the rest follows.

Regarding the plan I told you about inviting her to come with me, she wanted to but just couldn't make it for a reason and I understand her reason and it's valid. It's sunday now but last Thursday she asked me if I am free for Friday so we both could hangout but I told her I was busy last Friday and I suggested maybe we could reschedule on Monday. And last night she just told me that she's free for Monday and we will be seeing each other tomorrow after 6 weeks. 

I don't know what to do to make our hangout tomorrow fun but I'll try to entertain her with my stories ( especially since she saw my stories earlier about our hiking and falls trip )

Is there anything you could advise for tomorrow? 

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No, other than try not to get your hopes up too high, go slow/cautious for your own sake.

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Hi @kayc

Here's another update :

Yesterday we both saw each other. I picked her up from her house and we went to a shopping mall after. During our trip on the way to the mall, we both had small conversations at first -- I was telling her stories about my hiking trip and some things I've been doing in the past month. After I told my stories, we went silent for a moment then she started telling her stories and she first told me that she got a job now and I congratulated her for it and after a while into her story telling, she dropped a tear when she mentioned an issue in her family right now and told me " I told myself I won't be crying today " and then I did what I know should do -- I muted the music and started listening to her. The whole time she cried and ranted her problems at me, I shut my mouth and opened my ears. She even included that a friend of hers were asking her if Alek and I are still together ; also her big sister, when she found out that we were broken up, she told Alek " why did you break up with him? he was supportive of us from the start " and Alek told me after " I even told you the reason why we broke up right" at that moment when she told me that I know she wants me understand the reason why we broke up (because maybe her sister didn't ) and I just stood silence. After I knew she's done ranting her problems at me, I focused on the only positive thing she said and it was the job she recently had and I told her " I'm happy for you that you have a job right now " and after awhile we began to have a more fun conversation and it led us to laughing with each other until we got to the shopping mall. 

At the shopping mall, everything was good! I didn't try to reach out my hand to her so we could be holding hands while walking. I just really took it slow. The whole time we would go from store to store and check something out, she eventually did bought a shirt and a brand new eye glasses. While roaming around the shopping mall we would also have some conversations.

After the shopping mall we decided to get something to eat and we drove to the restaurant right after. On the way to the restaurant, she picked up where we last cut off the topic about her problems and she told me " That's my drama story" And I told her " thank you for sharing it with me. I know you have trust issues right now and I can't blame you for that. You can trust me"  we would have some conversations after that and there was this one conversation where I just asked her something related to what we were talking about then when she answered my question I jokingly told her " that's not the answer I was expecting " and she told me " here we go again with the expectations " and I just realized on that moment that what word I used was a total mistake! I just kept silent and didn't explain myself because I didn't mean it the way she interpreted it to be. 

At the restaurant, nothing much happened. We just ate and have some talk.

After the restaurant I drove her back home. On the way, at first we were quiet for some time even when at traffic but she opened a topic and we both had a conversation. We went to talk about her family problems the most the whole time and I would just listen as she rants and give a small reply to what she says and she would continue on talking. I noticed that whenever she would talk to me about her problems, she really has a lot to say -- that she would go on talking and talking. We both even discussed about time being so fast and I asked her if she wants to go back in time where would she go first etc. When I dropped her home we just said goodbyes to each other and I told her to take care for her errands the following day. 

Earlier this day, she messaged me and said " Hey, I just want to say thank you for listening to my rants yesterday! :) " And I replied " Hey! You're always welcome!! I also want to say that I'm proud of you on how you handle your problems :) "  and we had a small convo after that and I didn't reply.  

Last night was the most conversation we both had with each other personally since September? Cause whenever I try to recall it, yesterday was the most stories we've exchanged with each other after a long time. 

I would say I'm proud for how I acted around her. I didn't force any outcome, I listened to her ( but right now I feel that after she ranted me her problems on our way to the mall, I should have said something to validate her feelings -- not just say how happy I was for her for her job. What you think? ), I just kept it casual, talked to her like how I would talk to my friends, & didn't expect anything. 

I also want to ask, is it alright to say " you're always welcome or you're welcome " when someone thanks you for listening to them? what could I have said better? 

I would love to hear your thoughts on my story, Kay C! 

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You did well, you might try restating what she said to you, making sure you understand right and showing clarification & validating her feelings.  Understand it's really hard for this to go on, you feeling you have to constantly measure what you say and not feeling you can be yourself and it all being one sided.  Yes, in a relationship sometimes it's more giving but also you're just as important.

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