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Grief is unbearable


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Monday was the day I lost her. And today is another monday, but extra harsh. Yesterday I tried to brush it off, valentine's was always a special day for us and this was the first that we didn't get to spend it. I slept most of the day, trying not to think too much. But then, it backfired because today I woke up feeling overwhelmed with sadness. I miss her terribly I cried so hard.  And so I tried again, I went to the bookstore to look for pet loss books but found nothing. It's unfortunate, no one seems to need those books except me. So there I was, in a corner of the bookstore, weeping. Almost 2 months but I still have days like these when I can't believe she's gone. 

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Hi Agemgem.My heart goes out to you for the loss of your beloved dog.You’ve done the right thing by coming on this wonderful website where we all know what you are going through.Hell it’s 8mths since

Hi bene, sorry to hear that you're also going through this grief right now. It's been almost 3weeks for me but it's still overwhelming. I'm trying to get busy just to get through the day, but there's

Yesterday I took my Christmas tree & decorations down and put them away.  Was never hard in the past but this year my hands hurt so bad and the surgical wound on my right hand is still in a lot of

I'm so sorry, it's a hard day for me too, being Arlie's birthday and he's been gone 1 1/2 years, also missing my husband, the love of my life, it's been 16 years since he was here to celebrate Valentine's Day with me.

Here is a host of books to take a look at, try Amazon, they ship pretty quick and you can get the order in today and have it here tomorrow or the next day. (One written by our own @MartyT)
https://www.griefhealing.com/books-excerpts-pet-loss-links.htm

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Yes, it is.  This grief is for the rest of our lives, it had a beginning, but no ending in sight.  Fortunately, it doesn't stay in this level of intensity of pain throughout the entire journey, I only know that because I lost my husband nearly 16 years ago.  I've learned on that journey things that helped me when I lost my Arlie, which incidentally felt much the same as losing my husband.  When you've lived and shared your life with a being so perfect for you, you can't not be impacted by their loss.  But it helped to know what to expect so I could push through, although at the time you can't see a ray of light anywhere.  It's like your world of living color turned black and white, grey.

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Thank you for listening, my family may think that I'm fine but they don't know what I'm going through and I already expect that they will never understand the impact on me.  They don't own any animal, so I cannot blame them if they will think that I'm too emotional blah blah. 

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I'm sorry you can't share with them how it's truly impacting you and what you're feeling.  I have a sister that understands that I can talk with.  A lot of people get an animal and toss them in the back yard...that's not how I was with mine, they lived with me, interacted with me, I walked them 2-3 times a day, every day.  I gave them belly rubs and cooked for my Arlie since he had Colitis.  I've had people tell me they'd never cook for a dog!  Also got the "I'd never let a dog in the house!d"  I've seen people give away dogs because their BF didn't want one...sorry but HE'd be the one to go, not my dog!  To me, all animals deserve their people to be like us.  My son's always been good with his too, taking them hiking, camping, spending time with them when he gets off work.

When we live with them, interact with them, we are closer, naturally.  And losing them feels worse than losing a limb, because it's our heart we're dealing with.  :wub:

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Well they are kind to animals, and I know they love all the dogs that I had. They also cried when I lost her. It's just that they dont have the same connection, so they will never understand exactly what I'm going through.  I don't take it against them, maybe I'm just afraid of being judged. 

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I'm not sure why the posts weren't showing for me yesterday, I apologize for not responding sooner.

I understand.  I miss my grand-doggy so much and it's been over seven years, but he lived with me for 3 1/2 years and he was so special.  I have loved all of them, but he'll always have that special place in my heart.  The more interaction we have, the more our lives are connected with them on a daily basis, it stands to reason we'll feel the loss all the greater.  I have my Arlie and Kitty buried by him, they all lived together with me at the same time, we were a family.  The only one missing is Miss Mocha, she disappeared (I believe a cougar) and no remains were found.  I wish her body could be laid to rest with the others, she belongs here.

I wouldn't think family would judge you for feelings what you feel, missing your closest family member!

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I have been reading your blog today because I woke up feeling so sad about my cat Rocky. In two days he will have been gone for a month now. I had him put down on a Tuesday almost 4 weeks ago and it has been awful. Every Tuesday that passes by brings me heartache. I long for him so much. The missing him and remembering him is so hard. I am so sorry for your loss and all of your feelings sound so familiar to me. I wish you all the best. Kayc has been responding to my post too, and she has been very helpful. Give yourself the love and care you so deserve. All the questions we have after they are gone is so difficult. And I long to know if Rocky misses me and loves me. I hope so.

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I feel like my post sounded selfish because I just talked about my loss and feelings. I wonder how you are doing and how you have been coping? Allow yourself to grieve and take care of yourself. This blog has been helpful to me knowing that others have gotten through the pain. My heart goes out to you.

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3 hours ago, Rjm said:

I feel like my post sounded selfish because I just talked about my loss and feelings. I wonder how you are doing and how you have been coping? Allow yourself to grieve and take care of yourself. This blog has been helpful to me knowing that others have gotten through the pain. My heart goes out to you.

Hi Rjm, it's not sefish, I totally understand. We all lost our beloved companions so we are in the same boat. I'm sorry that you are also going through grief right now. I don't have a choice but to slowly cope up. I've been reading articles and I have found some e-books about pet loss which I believe is helping me understand and handle my grief. I cannot say I'm okay, there are days when I get busy with work that I don't feel worse as the other days, but there's not a day that I don't feel the pain of losing her. Waking up in the morning are the hardest, because I always realize it's another day without her.  Last month when I was looking at her urn, I asked her, "Do you miss mommy too? I hope you will still choose me as your mommy if I can have you back here on earth."  I'm hoping I can see her in my dreams, but that doesn't happen yet.  You are correct, missing them is so so hard.

If only I could pray that this will not happen to anyone. But reality is that, our animals have shorter life span than us humans, they're too precious and very special like that. I also hope that you are coping well, this website is truly a blessing to all of us. I wish you peace through this heartbreak. When the time comes, I know we'll see them again-- my biggest Gem and I, and you and Rocky. ❤️

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On 2/17/2021 at 8:54 PM, kayc said:

I'm sorry you can't share with them how it's truly impacting you and what you're feeling.  I have a sister that understands that I can talk with.  A lot of people get an animal and toss them in the back yard...that's not how I was with mine, they lived with me, interacted with me, I walked them 2-3 times a day, every day.  I gave them belly rubs and cooked for my Arlie since he had Colitis.  I've had people tell me they'd never cook for a dog!  Also got the "I'd never let a dog in the house!d"  I've seen people give away dogs because their BF didn't want one...sorry but HE'd be the one to go, not my dog!  To me, all animals deserve their people to be like us.  My son's always been good with his too, taking them hiking, camping, spending time with them when he gets off work.

When we live with them, interact with them, we are closer, naturally.  And losing them feels worse than losing a limb, because it's our heart we're dealing with.  :wub:

I also cooked for my dog, she loves to eat! She's also an indoor dog so she stayed with me all the time. And that's one of the things I truly miss, you know when you had a routine and then suddenly everything changes. I feel so lost and empty. I've found some ebooks in amazon, thank you so much for recommending them. Reading helps a lot, you and Marty are correct, the more we understand grief the more we're able to handle it. And I'm so thankful to have found this site and people like you who support everyone. I will not be able to handle this if not for your words and understanding. 

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I'm currently reading "Losing my Bestfriend" by Jeannie Wycherley which I found in amazon, kindle version. Kc also suggested a link above with ebooks that you might be interested in. I always prefer real books rather than ebooks, for complete reading experience but I did not find any pet loss books in our local bookstores. So this is my first time trying out ebooks as I don't have any other option. I've realized through this site that reading about grief topics can be very helpful and therapeutic. You may try it too, if you have time. Hope you're coping up through these sorrowful times. 

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13 hours ago, Agemgem said:

 And that's one of the things I truly miss, you know when you had a routine and then suddenly everything changes.

Absolutely!  It eases a bit when we no longer expect those things to happen and it's no longer part of our routine so it's not slapping us in the face continually...but then we feel guilty for feeling that!  Almost like the grief journey is a damned if you do, damned if you don't.  But it should ease up a bit eventually for the pain, although no one can say when, we're all unique.  Do know my heart is with you and I hope the book/s help!

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