How the death occurs matters

[Hmjohnson8]

Hello, everyone! I wanted to talk about how your parent died really matters in the grief process and how long the grieving process takes. My father was an Alaskan State Trooper Who got murdered on May 1st 2014. This type of death really bothers me because it wasn't a disease you saw coming or anything like that. This was a choice that someone else made that now impact my life everyday. I have a minor in Psychology and am currently in A nursing Program. I plan on getting my nurse partitioning license in psychiatric care. I Find the grief process really interesting. Some of the things I have had to face was that I was very young when this occurred, it was right before my 17th birthday. All of a sudden I was the person in our family that had to hold it all together. My mom was mentally gone, as to be expected, And I had two other little sisters, 13 and 10. I had to Mature in my grieving process rather fast. I forgave the people who killed my father. Forgiving is not saying what they did is ok, it is the acknowledgment that it happened and for self growth and development we need to do that to forward out driving process.  I spoke at my dads funeral, At that time I was 17 and stood in front of 50, 000 people and on television. Even though my dad was a Trooper, he was a person. People glorify his job and make it seem like thats all he was and thats false. We were his life and his joy. The grieving process is different for everyone, it is individual. The way in which your loved one dies matters greatly on how your grieving process starts and your coping strategies tell how your grieving process will end. I have learned that we never move on for our loved ones we move with them, and we hold them in our hearts everyday. Another thing I have learned is that your reality is only yours. No one else thinks about this death everyday like you do, don't get mad hen they don't remember. This just shows that you loved them.

[kayc]

That could not be put better and is an important distinction.  I am sorry for your loss.

[PhotoGuy]

An interesting topic for sure and I think you're spot on in your take on this important subject. I'm new to all this in terms of losing a parent. My dad has been gone two months. He was 88 when he passed in it was sudden. The night before he died, the hospital diagnosed him with Covid and sent him home. The next morning my sister called to say he had died. So there was no time to anticipate what was to eventually happen, though certainly one of our fears the night before was that he'd eventually end up in a hospital and on a ventilator given his state of health at the time. So the grief was an immediate punch in the gut, visceral and raw and overwhelming at first. 

[kayc]

https://www.legacy.com/news/coping-with-a-sudden-death/
https://www.hov.org/media/1460/suddenvsexpecteddeath.pdf