Have your mental disorders developed or gotten worse since your loved one passed?

[nashreed]

So I have anxiety disorder, panic disorder, agorophobia and most likely I'm on the autism spectrum (it wasn't something that was tested for in the 70's- I was just a weird kid). When my beautiful Annette was alive, she kept me in check. I was even able to work again by her leaving me a message every hour and getting me through the shift. She told me to chill out and relax and was able to help me control my anxiety to a degree that it wasn't affecting our relationship. Now that she's gone, I find that not only do my old mental issues fight for space to make their presence known, but other disorders that I thought I had under control have come back with a vengeance, especially Misophonia. I find that I practically have to have headphones on all the time lately. Just my Mom eating soup just now drove me absolutely nuts, where I instantly had to run to the headphones. So many sounds are triggers: dogs barking, kids screaming, plate scraping, chewing...even a clock ticking. I tried to get on Lexapro, but (as often happens) I had side effects: if a medication makes me feel like "not myself" (for better or usually worse), I can't take it.

I'm sure that this has all been because of Annette's passing. There was a period where I was kind of numb to it all, but now I am really affected by this stuff to a unbearable degree. Has this been the case for others as well?

[MTNSIDE]

I’m so sorry for your loss. She gave you so much support and help with issues you struggled with. It is understandable that the symptoms she helped you control came back and are even stronger to fight. Do you have any other people in your life that offer you support?  If not, sharing here was a smart decision. I hope you find the support you need as you go through your grief.  After the loss of my brothers and friends, dogs, and my home, health, and business, I was diagnosed with complicated grief. My borderline personality symptoms were much worse. When I feel emotions so intensely, I can barely get through each day.  I found support here and at a couple of other sites.  I pray for you that you do too!! 

[nashreed]

Thanks. It took a month for anyone to reply to this. Posting here has been helpful, certainly.  I don't have anyone I can really talk to about what I go through. My Mom has a lot of the same issues. My Mom is this type of person: She coughs really bad in the morning and at night (due to allergies), but refuses to take any cough medicine for it- she'd rather just cough constantly then do something about it. That's my "support system". I'm just kind of navigating this alone. I talk out my feelings to Annette in the morning, and that helps. I'm sorry you've had it ruff. One day at a time...

[kayc]

I'm sorry, nashreed, I didn't see this until you'd already gotten a response.

 

[nashreed]

This side of the forum doesn't see much action, does it? Thanks, Kay.

[kayc]

I guess not, we don't have a lot of regulars anymore. 

 

[nashreed]

So, now I find myself really stepping up hoarding CD's, because, you know, it's nice to get 'em in the mail, and I love collecting them... But I also self sabotage myself because I spend more than I should because I don't have a whole lot to do except shop online for them. I think self sabotage is something that I always do i some way. I mean, when I was a kid I stole for no good reason, just because I was bored I guess. I used to steal quarters from my Mom and play video games at the arcade. Annette helped a lot in making me feel worth something and giving me purpose. Now I'm back at square one, and the arcade is closed and empty (sad). 

Sometimes I feel like Annette knows how sad and lonely I am. She can't do anything about it, and I don't want her to feel bad.