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My mom is dating now


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My father passed away 8 years ago. I recently moved into an apartment with my boyfriend and my mom asked me if it was okay to date. I told her that it would be okay, that I think I’m ready for that. I don’t want her to be lonely. She got in contact with her ex boyfriend from high school and they’ve been seeing each other a lot lately. She tells me that she doesn’t want a romantic relationship with him but then shows me something different. In my head, I want to be happy for her but I also feel like it’s not the right fit. Like she’s telling me something different than what she is showing everyone else. She mentions that it might be because he isn’t my dad but I just can’t put it into words that I don’t think it is. 
 

But then I think, well why am I feeling this way specifically? Am I missing something in my brain that is actually shouting IT ISNT YOUR DAD AND ITS WEIRD and I’m just ignoring it? I don’t know how to feel or what to express with this situation and I can specifically put into words what my brain is telling me with the new guy. 

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Hi, I'm glad you found your way here, although I'm sorry for the loss of your dad.  It's been eight years your mom has been alone, and I'm sure she feels it and wants to make her time left here more tolerable, maybe even enjoy some more of her life.  Whatever mistakes you think your mom is making, it's hers to make.  Would you want her telling you that you shouldn't be with your BF?  It was nice of her to "ask your permission," but that wasn't even necessary.  It shows she does care what you feel.  If you have something specific to address about "new guy" then you can tell her what it is but your "feeling" reaction isn't enough to tell her anything she can address or look for.  Try to be more specific, like "I'm not liking the changes I see in you" or "I don't like how he's treating you" or "he's controlling."  Or something to go on besides he's not your dad.
As someone who has been widowed for nearly 16 years, trust me, it's not easy/fun to grow old alone.  And my kids do not live here.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/tips-for-when-your-widowe_b_5942444
https://www.opentohope.com/is-my-widowed-mother-moving-on-too-soon/

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  • 4 weeks later...

kbend-My dad died in a plane crash just before I turned 7. He went out with a friend on a Sunday morning, and we expected him back in order to make it to church. He never came back. My mom had a hard time with this, with the garage business my dad and uncle had started, and then with two young boys at home. It was difficult even at that young age to see mom date someone other than dad, but she was only 27 when this happened. We wound up moving in with my grandparents on their farm. She didn't date much, but then met my step-dad at about 8 years out and married 10 years after my dad's death. My family (kids and grandkids) and I, my brother and his family, are so thankful that he came into our lives, and mom and pa (that's what we call him) are good together and for each other. They've been married 40+ years. As Kay said, it's nice that your mom asked your opinion and kinda wanted your blessing. Realize that it is tough on your mom, as it is on you with losing your dad. I'd prefer my old 'normal', too, as probably you and your mom do, but we can't go back. We just need to adjust to the new 'normal'. Peace.

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