Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Sad anticipation of loosing my cat


Recommended Posts

Gato is my very first pet, I’m 58. He has lymphoma. I’m lost bc I keep waiting for him to not be his loving self to help him move on but he is still very loving. He’s down to 6lbs from 11lbs, poops on our old hideous carpet all the time which I guess should not be a big deal but I’m so stressed. My husband was injured in accident and I need to help him till he can have surgery. 
 

the house, the cat’s illness, caring for my husband and living with and cleaning poop all day has me overwhelmed!! Yet I look at my beloved Gato and just love him and can’t bear the thought of loosing him! 
 

i know he’s getting ready to move on, he’s tired at 16yrs old but in my mind God gives life and God takes it away. We put our dog to sleep a few years back and felt very unnatural to me. Gato suffers bc of cancer but he still moves, eats, poops a lot! And loves us. 
 

I’m lost, don’t know what to do or when but I do know I’m ver overwhelmed! 
 

can anyone relate? Can anyone give me some advice? 
 

ty! 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Mena, my heart reaches out to you in your struggles. Not only are you bearing the weight of being the primary caregiver to your husband but you're also doing your best to keep your Gato alive and comfortable, even as his body is shutting down and failing. I understand your wanting Nature to take its course as you wait for your kitty to die a natural death ~ but sometimes in doing all we can to prolong a beloved pet's life, we're really only prolonging their suffering and death. You alone can decide how much suffering is to be endured in this situation ~ both yours and Gato's ~ and I won't presume to tell you what to do. Still, I invite you to read the following articles, in hopes that their content may speak to you in a helpful way. (Note that each article includes links to additional resources):

Anticipating the Death of A Cherished Pet

Pet Euthanasia: When Is It Time to Say Goodbye?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

When my son's beloved husky, Skye, became crippled and incontinent, he asked me what I would do.  I told him I would clean it up just like I would after an old person.  I reminded him of the time the dog catcher had him on cement in a cyclone fence for three days before they'd meet with him to give him back.  Skye thought he couldn't go on cement and he held it!  I told him if Skye could hold it, he would.  So he made him a walker, bought him custom shoes so he wouldn't scrape the top of his paws when they turned under, cleaned up accidents.  

That you have so much going on at once is very hard, I am so sorry.  My Kitty was 25 and showed her first signs of problems Christmas a year ago.  Then she seemed better, then worse, made an appt. with the vet, by that time, I knew her kidneys had shut down, it was time to let her go.  She loved me up to the end, purring in my arms until she keeled over for the shot, it was quick.  I bawled.  She'd always been kind of cantankerous and independent, but it seemed she thanked me and showed appreciation for giving her a loving home, we had special time together the night before she went to the Rainbow Bridge.  Not only were her kidneys shut down but so was her liver.  I believe if we ask for guidance we will know when it is time and the animal will show you too.  The same was true for my Arlie (Husky/Golden Retriever), he let me know his dying wish, I helped him fulfill that, he had a good life and it felt way too soon to have to part, I miss him tremendously, but it was his time.  My rule of thumb is to do what is in their best interest, consider how they are feeling.  They often hide their pain, primal instinct of survival of the fittest.  So keep in mind that whatever they're displaying is a drop in the bucket compared to all they are feeling.

Link to post
Share on other sites

In 2018 my family cat Kitty died at age 12 after years of suffering from hypothyroidism, then from sideeffects of th medicine they prescribed to treat it. One day, she almost died from kidney failire entirely due to the med (methimazole i gave her daily in her ear, I used bare finger and rinsed residue off right after but around same time realized it was also harming my health). I immediately ceased the med, her kidney function returned and she had a year or two of life left! slowly dying of the hypothyroidism (or hyper, sorry been a while) and also from a medicine prescribed for a minor eye issue that sent her into sudden serious anaphylactic shock where she was so near death she slumped in her litter box in incredible agony, thankfully a all night emergency vet crew saved her life then too. my family were wanting to euthanize her, kept saying she was suffering too much, but I resisted because we still had nice moments where she was calm, not in obvious pain, and was like she always had been enjoying sitting with me, being groomed, etc. she also loved to eat and ate a mcdonalds plain burger (just the meat) as her last meal the night before we found her! in fact, i recall she demanded that burger! so i feel now years later it was ok to let her live out her natural lifespan, but if she was not able to have those nice moments and was not enjoying her food and other things, I would have agreed to euthanize for her sake. You have to determine what's right for your Gato like this in my humble opinion, if you still see him having nice, calm moments where he is "ok" and gets something out of your time together and love, I say let him live until that stops, then consider putting him to sleep. Just my opinion only based on this experience I don't mean to offend anyone.. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

@HG88 I'm sorry for what you've been through, thank you for contributing even in your own pain. :wub:

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...

Real love also means you recognize your pet is suffering, going downhill, or having many more bad days than good. It took me a long time and several cats to get to the point where I could understand that the only reason I was keeping them alive was for me and my inability to let them go. Good advice I've seen in other forums is, "better one week too early than a day too late." One of my cats, Lucy, taught me that. She had kidney disease and for over two years her health was a rollercoaster. Finally she was at the point where she wasn't eating, hiding out in her cubby in the bedroom for about 5 days. I decided that *this* was probably it and made the appointment with her vet. Left for work, then came back in the afternoon to take her. But as soon as I opened the front door, there she was, laying in the living room. She'd probably gotten up, made her way out and died not long after I left. Her position looked like she had been in pain, and unfortunately rigor mortis had set in. For years I carried that last image of her, along with the guilt of not being brave enough to let her go before it got bad. Don't make the same mistake.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

For sure!  I know someone that had a 19 year old Chow that could no longer walk or squat to poop, yet they still kept him alive, he died of cancer and had a lot of suffering, they never did the humane thing because they didn't want to let go.  None of us want to let go, but we do the kindest thing for our furry loved one, preferring their comfort over our own. :wub:  My dog was going through cancer at the time and I prayed I'd know when it was time, and he did indeed let me know, I believe he went at the right time for him.  It's never easy.  It's been one year 7 1/2 months and I love and miss him every day but truly believe we'll be together again!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
On 4/3/2021 at 8:41 PM, Melonfarmer said:

Real love also means you recognize your pet is suffering, going downhill, or having many more bad days than good. It took me a long time and several cats to get to the point where I could understand that the only reason I was keeping them alive was for me and my inability to let them go. Good advice I've seen in other forums is, "better one week too early than a day too late." One of my cats, Lucy, taught me that. She had kidney disease and for over two years her health was a rollercoaster. Finally she was at the point where she wasn't eating, hiding out in her cubby in the bedroom for about 5 days. I decided that *this* was probably it and made the appointment with her vet. Left for work, then came back in the afternoon to take her. But as soon as I opened the front door, there she was, laying in the living room. She'd probably gotten up, made her way out and died not long after I left. Her position looked like she had been in pain, and unfortunately rigor mortis had set in. For years I carried that last image of her, along with the guilt of not being brave enough to let her go before it got bad. Don't make the same mistake.

Just wondering, if someone without your knowledge decided you are suffering too much, therefore they will end your life for you, yet without their compassion you'd have another week or two or a month or a year left, each day with hardships but also opportunites for feeling love with loved ones, continung together in life's drama even to the terrible end, would you agree with their thinking or asset your need to live despite your physical suffering? 

 

(Note: I'm sorry i don't mean to be contentious but i think this issue deserves a lot more consideration than people give it, I am always surprised at how people "push" it, yet the same people would probably try to stop someone committing suicide. odd, when it uses their exact logic the same way but in an even more rational manner by consulting and consenting yourself). I have had two pets put to sleep, my family made the decision, I'm not sure I would have. i was present for it. i was also present for my cat dying feb 28th naturally at home with me. it was a better death than the ones put to sleep. i believe this can affect the very "order" of the process and aomething about that is bothering me, because my cat who died naturally, it reminded me of how spiritual texts speak of various things, there was a sense of witnessing something spiritual going according to its designed process of death, while the ones put to sleep just *died* and were drugged into a haze and were not conscious when the final drug was givenl my cat was conscious and aware as her breath stopped forever. it's pretty crazy if you think about it, scary, and it did not strike me as a dyin brain thing either, obvioualy her brain died, but her soul was not generated by her brain so the actual dying was the departure of the soul from the body. Moments before it, the same body of my cat was the most previous thing in the world to me, but right after death, I knew it was just the remaining physical artifacts, it felt "soulless"  then even though I was still attached to it and reluctant to let go and prepare her for burial and all that.... 

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I used to work with a guy who had this story. He said for a while life was real bad and every day after work he'd sit in his garage with a shotgun in his mouth wanting to pull the trigger. On the night he felt more sure than ever he had to do it, still he decided he'd postpone it and went to work next day like usual. Ended up randomly saving a young family of four from a burning car in a terrible road accident, they would've all died without him jumping into action and being there and having the courage to risk his own life for them. I haven't asked but i don't think he's suicidal anymore. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...