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I lost the love of my life two weeks ago today...


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I just saw a couple of pictures of my Rhonda that were sent to me for approval for the funeral... I just lost it and cant settle down.  My God it hurts worse than it ever has.  I just don't know what to do.  It is just so hard.

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1 hour ago, Pat R said:

I just don't know what to do.  It is just so hard.

Yes, Pat it is so hard.  We here understand how hard it is.  Right after my husband passed I attended a weekly Grief Support Group for about three months.  Of course, this was before Covid.  The  Group was a religious based support group and even though I wasn't a very religious person I found great comfort being in the group of others that had lost someone they loved.  One of the statements I remember so clearly  shared by the group leader was; when there are times when you don't know what to do, just get through the next minute, then the next hour, and finally the next day.  It seems simplified but some days it is not so simple.  Dee

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2 hours ago, Pat R said:

I just don't know what to do.  It is just so hard.

Pat, I only now can see Billy's pictures, and yes I do cry.

 

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Pat, you are in the deepest throes of grief, still at the shock period, really.  I can think of no worse pain.  There is no getting over it, only learning to adjust and that takes much time to process.  We want to go be with them to escape this pain that overwhelms us, it's important to give ourselves time to adjust and see if there can't be any good in life, right now it doesn't feel that way.  I have learned to try not to compare as that is a huge joy-killer!  The realization of how different life would be if they were here hits us anyway. We all know what we're missing.  It helps me to get out in nature and walk.  We all know the feelings you mention, we know them all too well.  :(

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On 4/3/2021 at 11:52 AM, MartyT said:

Marty, I am making it my priority to go back and read these.  Talking to the pastors did not help.  Perhaps I should not mention all this, and I won't on Pat's page. But I will go back through to the one "If your going through hell" and will mention it.  Thank you for these three topics.  I needed them bad, or is it proper to say "badly?"  Perchance it to say, this ole southern gal needed them very much.  I will tell why.  Pat, I wish I could say God has guided me through.  I will tell you he has given me this time to try to straighten myself out with religion.  I'd hate to leave this ole world and I don't think we are supposed to be angry in Heaven.  I say this all "tongue in cheek" and I hope that is not an old southern sway of words.  I do that often.

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17 hours ago, Pat R said:

I just don't know what to do.  It is just so hard.

I’m so sorry you are in such pain, butt I understand it.  I had no formal ceremony for Steve.  Didn’t have to deal with this so I don’t know how that feels.  All he wanted was for his buddies to drink, eat and play music for his memory.   I bought the pizza and beer and they jammed.  I do know I went blind to seeing him in the pictures around the house for a very long time.  I could look straight at them and feel nothing.  My mind was protecting my heart as I wasn’t ready for a long time.  Months down the road.  It may have been over a year.    I still don’t deliberately seek them out as I see him in my head all the time.  Still can’t listen to his voice.  
 

I wish there was some way you could avoid this pain til you feel ready to face it as far as planned triggers.  That’s another horrid side effect of this.  

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Again, thank you to everyone who takes the time to read, respond and pass on your words of wisdom.  If there is one thing that I have learned in my 64 years, it is to listen to others who have been down the road I am traveling.  

The words you give to me sting and they hurt, but I know they are coming to me with love.  So... thank you all so much.

 

Pat

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17 hours ago, Pat R said:

I just don't know what to do.  It is just so hard.

I’m so sorry you are in such pain, butt I understand it.  I had no formal ceremony for Steve.  Didn’t have to deal with this so I don’t know how that feels.  All he wanted was for his buddies to drink, eat and play music for his memory.   I bought the goods and they partied.  I do know I went blind to seeing him in the pictures around the house for a very long time.  I could look straight at them and feel nothing.  My mind was protecting my heart as I wasn’t ready for a long time.  Months down the road.  It may have been over a year.  
 

I wish I knew some magic words or ways to make this easier.  💔

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Yes, we are here with you, I wish we could tell you more than the cold hard truth to bring comfort but I assure you it does get more manageable...unless the old age stuff kicks in.

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