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Can’t get Dee on here, but I’ll check in when I can.   Might be a bit.  I have to get thru the screaming in agony days then settled in at a rehab.  I so depend on all of you, I’ll be so glad to check in.  Settling in is a pain with paperwork and med schedules.  Maybe I’ll catch a break and go to the place I was.  
 

Surgeon dropped the ball on a covid test so Dee had to rush me to testing.  Wanted me to take a shower tonight and in the morning with special soap.  Never sent it and I can’t on my own.  They’ll have to clean my back.  Found I am on my last legs, so to speak.  Getting up and down the stairs to get the test was very hard.  Not doing any walks as it’s useless now.  Going to keep my usual night schedule but go to bed an hour early.  I’m terrified.  

Love you all!  💕

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11 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

They’ll have to clean my back.

Good for you, I ORDERED them to with my sister, they said she'd have to take a shower and wash her back TWICE before presenting at hospital, OMG I let them have it!  This before her back surgery, she'd lived with several crushed vertebrae for YEAR and couldn't keep her meds down so she was a mess and horrific pain!  These people are absurd!  No way can you expect someone to do that when they're in such shape/pain!  What do they think THEY are for!  I hope they don't give you any guff!

11 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Getting up and down the stairs to get the test was very hard.

OMG, they didn't have a drive-up?  That's what they do in Springfield where I go.

We are with you, every step of this journey.  You're on all our hearts!  Praying, as always!

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The way they're doing it this time should have been the way they did it last time, I have hope for you now.  I pray by now the worst is behind you and you can focus on getting well...I know you'll have pain but I hope this time it counts for something.  

GetWellSoonBear.gif

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  • 1 month later...

The last few days have been crazy. Three days ago I was aware of a floater in my right eye. I got concerned because 3 yrs ago I had retinal surgery on both eyes due to holes in my retinas, all went well and I recovered. I knew I had to be aware of possible floaters because it may be due to more retinal damage. I saw my ophthalmologist today, the floater is of no concern, but another hole was spotted in my left retina. So I’ll be getting laser surgery for that in 3 days.

The hard part is I’ll be going through this without my Michael 😔 He was so supportive the first time I went through this. But there’s more to add to this story.

My late husband had a good friend, we knew him and his family for 25 yrs and he was the best man at our wedding. He stepped up to help with many things after my husband died. Over the last year we spend time together as he helped me with cleaning up one of the properties, donating clothing for me, etc. During this time he mentioned he liked getting to know me more and stated he found me attractive. I promptly stated my boundaries saying he was just a friend and I thought of him like a brother. He acknowledged this and nothing more was said.

When I noticed my eye floater I got really anxious so called him to talk it out. He asked if I wanted him to come over and I said, ok. He came over, gave a hug as a friend which is typical for us to do, then he asked if he could kiss me 😳 I said no, obviously. Highly inappropriate, and morally wrong as he is a married man, and he crossed the boundary I clearly stated. I’m in no way attracted to him in that way, never mind the emotional state I’m still in grieving the traumatic loss of my late husband. I don’t even know how to process this.

I’ve talked to my sister, my daughter and my therapist about this already, but needed to write it out to help me process, so I thought I’d do so here. I’m so pissed he thought my vulnerable state could possibly be a window of opportunity for him.

Ending on good news - my long term disability claim was accepted 👍

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Oh gosh, this is a lot, but CONGRATULATIONS on your disability claim acceptance!

I'm glad you set him straight, I'm so sorry he put your through that!  It's one thing if they're single and try but wow that crossed a boundary big time!  To the point I'd be so done with him.  I'm glad you have people to talk to, we need that support sometimes!  Good luck going forward...

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13 hours ago, Boho-Soul said:

’m so pissed he thought my vulnerable state could possibly be a window of opportunity for him.

This is so wrong on so many levels.  I’m so sorry you have the eye problem to deal with too.  You haven’t even had 2 years to experience the biggest loss of your life.  I had someone approach me around your timeline and I had to get very angry to tell him to back off.  I had nicely several times.  These are people that don’t get that it is way more than the physical that we are processing.  It’s the person we created a life with and faced the hard times with.  Even if he was single, your wishes deserve respect.  It’s bad enough scammers attempt to exploit us financially.  But someone who is supposed to be a friend is hurtful and we are already carrying a heavy load.  It adds a.stress that we haven’t the energy for.  I’m glad you have extra support with your daughter, sister and therapist.  Also that you shared this here.  I know reaching out to others that totally get how hard this is so helpful and just to get it out.  From a small trigger to. big ones like this.  I don’t know what decision you have reached about this, but we all need to remember we are in control of some parts of grief when we may feel none.  It’s extra hard for all the years he has been in your life.  It’s crazy to me he would jeopardize that if he cares so much for you.  

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Thank you both for your responses kayc and Gwenivere.

I agree with everything you said Gwenivere. I plan to focus on my eye surgery and healing, then when I’m ready I’ll have a strong talk with him. I won’t send an email or text as I don’t know if his wife has access to his phone. The really hard part is he’s been helping me sort out the repairs on my 2nd property so I can get it ready to rent, which has been super helpful. If I end all communication, which is my first reaction, then I’ll have to continue to sort that out on my own, adding to my stress.

Life just seems so complicated now 🤦‍♀️

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I hope he will see how he can best support you and your friendship the most important thing between you.   I also think face to face is the best way to handle this.  Words get to misconstrued in messaging.  All the best.💕

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14 hours ago, Boho-Soul said:

Life just seems so complicated now

It is indeed.  It's up to you alone how you decide to proceed from here...I'm sorry he ever thrust the ball into your court like this, an added thing you didn't need.  :wub:

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  • 2 weeks later...

Being alone sucks!

My grandson Jeremy was 1 yr old 3 days ago, my daughter had the birthday party today. I love being around him, he’s such a sweet soul and he makes me smile 🥰

It was hard though, lots of family members there, all coupled up. I was very aware how single I was. Did not like the feeling at all, a strange emotional emptiness. I came home to an empty, quiet house and cried. No one to share my day with 😥

Being alone sucks!

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Yes.  This coming weekend I was supposed to go to my grandson's 5th bdy party, they live several hours away, I'm up in the mountains, they're predicting snow Thursday night on...there goes getting to see him.  Christmas was my worst one ever, at least when George died my kids were here.  Now I'm alone, shoveling snow, growing old alone.

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I bought a new shovel this week, needed a good one as I’m now the only one shovelling snow. Seriously don’t want to be the only one doing it as time passes.

 I will get myself to a place where I’m mentally, emotionally and physically strong again, and as I continue to recover and heal I’ll do all I can to create a great life for myself. I don’t want to be sad, alone and bitter. I’ll do whatever I can to make new meaningful friendships, have an active social life and perhaps even find a new special someone to share life with. I won’t be dishonouring my late husband if I do, he will always be part of my history, and I know he wanted me to have a good life. So as time moves forward I need to create my new life and new memories. I will not envision myself growing old and doing life alone, that’s not going to be my future. I’m determined and will find a way to continue to live my life abundantly.

My dad is 93 and lives independently with his wife, he remarried when he was widowed. He continues to have a great fulfilling life with friends and has a loving connection and companionship with his wife. His life is now an inspiration for me.

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We had our first snow yesterday. Thought we'd escaped it for this winter, especially since we'd been having mild, sunny weather lately. February never says goodbye without giving us a bit of snow, winter here always has a habit of doing a "U Turn" when we're almost out of it. Anyway, luckily I only had to shovel a little to get to our wood-shed, the sun came out and the snow is almost thawed out, but we may get more this evening😢.

Everytime something new happens, even just a bit of  of snow, I always ask, referring to my husband:  "Why aren't you here to see this?". Even, this terrible war that's going on now, we would be commenting this together, all four us, at the dinner table, like all families do. That's all gone, yes, I love talking to my children, but I also loved talking to their father,my husband, they loved to, as well. It's not fair, we lost him too soon, they didn't deserve this. 

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4 hours ago, V. R. said:

February never says goodbye without giving us a bit of snow, winter here always has a habit of doing a "U Turn" when we're almost out of it.

I love that : "February never says goodbye"......... I live in Washington State, the Pacific NW.  One of the statements for this area is, "If you don't like the weather, just wait a minute, it will change."  

I too miss those talks my husband and I would have each morning as we drank our morning coffee.  We were retired and it was just the two of us then.   Unlike you, sadly your children are still so young those mealtimes were so important for all of you.  The sharing, learning and listening to each other was so important.  I understand your and your children's loss.  Warm thoughts to you all.  Dee 
 

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17 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

"If you don't like the weather, just wait a minute, it will change."  

Oregonians are known for saying that too!

23 hours ago, Boho-Soul said:

He continues to have a great fulfilling life with friends and has a loving connection and companionship with his wife. His life is now an inspiration for me.

I'm glad you have him!

22 hours ago, V. R. said:

Anyway, luckily I only had to shovel a little to get to our wood-shed, the sun came out and the snow is almost thawed out, but we may get more this evening😢.

I'm glad you didn't get much...I'm nervous about what's to come this weekend, they say snow but aren't giving any clues as to how much yet!  I will be sick to miss my grandson's bdy celebration. :(
 

 

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"If you don't like the weather, just wait a minute, it will change."

I live in Southern Alberta, Canada, we too have a similar saying, “If you don’t like the weather just wait 5 minutes.” We’re known for our interior Chinook winds here. That may be similar to the Pacific NW and Oregon, not sure though. We get warm dry winds that flow East over the Rockies. We can have snow on the ground, a Chinook wind will blow through in the morning and within hours snow is turning into puddles making it feel like spring 😃 Chinooks can bring astonishing temperature changes from -24°C to +3°C in hours. We had a Chinook this past week, the warm winds felt lovely. The wind is not so fun for migraines sufferers like me though, they can be fierce, gusting up to 80-100 km/h. I always have my migraine meds on standby.

Its hard to hear you’ll be missing your grandson’s bday kayc. Hopefully you can plan another one when the weather is on your side and celebrate for a second time 🎂

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1 hour ago, Boho-Soul said:

I live in Southern Alberta, Canada, we too have a similar saying, “If you don’t like the weather just wait 5 minutes.” We’re known for our interior Chinook winds here. That may be similar to the Pacific NW and Oregon, not sure though. We get warm dry winds that flow East over the Rockies. We can have snow on the ground, a Chinook wind will blow through in the morning and within hours snow is turning into puddles making it feel like spring 😃 Chinooks can bring astonishing temperature changes from -24°C to +3°C in hours. We had a Chinook this past week, the warm winds felt lovely. The wind is not so fun for migraines sufferers like me though, they can be fierce, gusting up to 80-100 km/h. I always have my migraine meds on standby.

 

I enjoyed reading your description of the Chinook winds.  Way back in 1964 my husband and I spent our honeymoon in Alberta, Canada.  He was of French Canadian descent and wanted to show me the beautiful scenery of Canada.  He was born and grew up in the PNW and was the totally opposite of me since I grew up in New Orleans, LA.  I was in awe at the beauty of Canada.  Such sweet memories.

I'm sorry you have migraines.  Am hoping your medication gives you relief.  I just received a text this morning that my granddaughter, age 10, had such an awful migraine she is staying home from school.  My husband and sister-in-law suffered with migraines; my son, age 47, has suffered with migraines since he was a child; my grandson, age 15 has migraines.  From what my son says if he catches the migraines quickly enough the medication will stop the debilitating  pain, but the medication wipes him out.  Dee

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26 minutes ago, Widow2015 said:

From what my son says if he catches the migraines quickly enough the medication will stop the debilitating  pain, but the medication wipes him out. 

Yup, my experience exactly. If I take the meds when the onset symptoms start I’m good, it’s a sublingual tablet so it dissolves and goes into my bloodstream to work quickly - and I’ll always be napping later 😴

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I too am sorry you have migraines, my brother gets them.  Not sure why some do and some don't, but like with anything, that seems to be the case.

Our winds are different, cold and biting, snow can stay for weeks or months, I still have some from December into the first week of Jan.!  Not looking forward to more of it...

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  • 3 months later...

Not sure who still reads my posts, but I’m sharing a brief update anyway.

No word on my late husband’s cause of death, in 5 days it’ll be a year and a half but who’s counting 🖐, yup, me. I’ll probably call the ME office next week, ask them how long this can go on for. I would think at some point they’ll have to state the cause as inconclusive if nothing is determined.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of physical tension & pain the last several months. I went to physio for shockwave therapy, dry needling and interferential current, but it stirred things up and made it worse.
Then I saw my massage therapist who said getting poked with needles and having currents run through my body was to aggressive. She felt I have trapped or stored emotions within my body due to the trauma and grief, and that these difficult emotions probably manifested physically. So after a relaxing myofascial massage she suggested I try Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy. Apparently it’s a gentle modality that calms the nervous system, creates a safe place to release trauma from the body and aids the body’s natural ability to heal itself. It sounds soothing so I booked a session for 2 weeks out. Hoping it provides some healing and relief.

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Hello.

I can relate to your experience. I took acqua gym classes back then but not with people from my age. I could not be in a class full of people ready to get fit. I had to be in one which could help me to ease the physical toll from grief and trauma. I felt it even in my bones. Bones can be felt. It is so hard to explain this unless you haven't been through this kind of loss. So  I took the classes with the elderlys. It was more caring and you can do at your own pace. My body needed softness and calmness. Water provides this relief.

Two years later my counselor took me to a yoga class to learn how to move with the breath. I thought I was going to be incapable of bending a toe. the amount of benefits to people physically hurting in tension and stress from trauma is beyond counting. In the USA there are places with Yoga for Grief being taught by people with special training to support bereavers. 

To breath. Just to breathe. Something I have stopped doing when my boyfriend died. It took me a lot of time to notice any change in my body. It is an ongoing process even today at year 8th.

Good luck and good for you for looking for help and accepting advice. Be kind with yourself.

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Thx for your post scba.

I’ve done yoga for over a decade and was even working at a yoga studio when my husband died. I was doing 60 or 90 minute classes 5 to 6 times a week. After he died I couldn’t do any yoga for months. Now I do 20 minutes self paced sessions a day at home using the down dog app. I’m in no rush to get back to doing 60 or 90 minutes in a studio, but some gentle movement each day is good. And I so agree with breathing, so soothing for the mind and body.

I’ve never heard of Yoga for Grief. Love the idea of that.
I’ll have to search and see if something like that is available in my city.

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