Cat loss

[Louisejade]

Hi I was looking for some advice/support.

2 days ago I lost my little cat he was only 8 months old and meant the world to me. I’m struggling so much with the way he died. He was hit by a car outside my house early morning I can’t say a time that he was hit however a lovely lady saw him at 6:35 am and got him in her car to take to the nearest vets. The part I’m struggling with is that when she found him he had severe facial injuries but was still breathing. She said that he was breathing blood in and out of his mouth. He got to the vets and died shortly after but I have so many questions. How long was he there alive before she got to her? Was it inevitable that he was going to die or could he have been saved? When I got to the vets I asked if he was dead and they said he didn’t die right away that his eye injury was helping him along the way I just don’t get why they didn’t try and save him? How did they know that they couldn’t help him when no tests were done? I understand that he must have been quite out of it by letting a random person pick him up and hold him all the way to the vets but I can’t help but think that he could have been saved why was he still breathing and could they have done something I miss him so much and I can’t cope with the guilt I have for not getting to him and for the fact that he lay alive for so long any thoughts would be much appreciated 

[kayc]

I responded to this yesterday, do not see it so not sure what happened.  

I am so sorry for your loss, this had to be very traumatic! 

Sometimes it is too far gone for the vet to be able to do anything, they have limitations in what they can save.  I understand your feelings though, we feel so desperate when something like this happens (I've lost 24 dogs and cats in my lifetime).

I hope you will read the links I'm giving you as often as you need for them to digest, as guilt is part of grief and can be hard to deal with.  
 

http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[HG88]

24 dogs and cats... wow. *slow clap*

 

LouiseJade, I'm sorry for your loss. I know i would feel exactly like you do in your shoes so dont worry about that, when a loved one dies, we reflect back on the time leading up to it and wonder if somehow it could have been prevented. We wonder if it was somehow our fault. Sometimes people do literally cause their cat's death, but this does not seem to be the case for you. Some people will think if not post, this is what happens when you let your cat out... but i personally think they have better lives being indoor and outdoor, if circumstanfes allow for both, and it is not always a death sentence, some cats go their whole life without anything bad happening outside, so i think we just have to allow for the possible risks that come with it, their freedom is important to them. regardless of what people will say, i think cats go a bit crazy being indoor only, so i am just saying this to give context, i don't think you should have any guilt about him being outdoors. 

it is very unfortunate and sad though. do you live on a very busy street or just normal neighborhood type cars passing every few minutes or what? if i lived by a main road, i wouldn't let my cat out, simply because when cats siht their prey across the street, they will lock in visually and ignore everything else and they might happen to run right as a car is passing. Sadly this is how many animals die, they are not used to cars, for example many owls die this way, same thing they lock in on their prey and swoop down and don't have in mind to watch for cars. I find it very sad and reflects poorly on us humans, we built a world uninhabitable to 99.999999% of species except our own. it is so insensitive of us, and most turn a blind eye and don't care. sometimes i think we might be in hell, because the world could be such a better place but people are just too ignorant and selfish. 

i think your cat was probably glad the lady helped him, at least he would feel safer not being in the road or just out in the open. it is true that he probably wanted you if you were bonded with him, but still she did a good thing there.  he might have had a lot of internal organ damage and that wasn't visible, only his facial injuries. did the vet specifically say what happened in terms of any organ damage? he could have still been breathing simply because the damage was bad but not enough to end his life immediately on impact, so he held on a bit longer and then succumbed to the injuries. I don't mean to downplay the trauma of this terrible accident for you but i want to say that you are in a way better off losing your cat at 8 months old, than if he was 8 years old and had been with you entire time and then got hit and left there in the road. take how you feel now, multiply it by ten million, that's probably how much worse that feels. again, i recognize and respect your suffering, i'm just saying that's how i would think of it. we form attachments and bonds to them, they increase over time as both of us age and go through life together. recently someone was telling me about his 17 year old cat. it was nice but i felt a bit sad because i knew that meant this person is going to be saddened soon. 17 years, hes had his cat longer than his marriage and children. it's a tremendous loss. every death no matter the age is sad. 

if you at some point get another cat, please make a wise decision regarding the indoor outdoor situation. maybe your area is not safe, only you can determine that. maybe you can try to define their territory and keep them more or less on your own property or next door neighbors etc and try to prevent them from crossing the road. or simply keep them inside. or supervise their time outdoors, it is possible if one is dedicated to their well being. also consider the particular cat's temperament, personality etc. if you adopt an older cat, they may be more street smart already. or less inclined to bother crossing the road. they also run across chasing each other in territory disputes, bear that in mind. 

Anyway, LouiseJade, have you ever felt like you have a mission in life or that you live for a purpose, for example taking care or your parents etc? and you think sometimes that you cant let yourself die from anything because of that mission? well i have come to believe that our pets when strongly bonded to us, feel a similar sense of responsibility for us, and i think when they are sick or injured and dying, they are probably just wishing it wasnt happening, wishing they could be back home and safe and happy with us, they are probably feeling bad as if they did something wrong, like how children might hear their parents arguing and assume they are the cause of the argument, i think animals might have a similar sort of concept. I'm telling you this so you don't get stuck thinking thoughts like, did he think i didnt care? did he wonder why i wasnt there? i don't think so, the shock of his accident would have obviously been a big trauma for him in his young life. it is possible he was not even fully conscious. 

Sometimes i hesitate to post my thoughts because I know sometimes i express difficult things that may hurt someone who is very sensitive and grievin etc. i never intend for that and only try to share thoughts that i find useful to think overall in our grief.