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I lost first her father, than I lost her


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3 hours ago, kayc said:

Very true.  And I'm sorry for your heartbreak as well.  This is hard to get through but can be done, I've been there.

My best to Kevin, drink won't help your healing any, can complicate things, it's amazing you had enough control even so to delete the messages (thankfully).  No contact is best while healing, it will help you see things clearer in the long run but best to keep busy and try not to fixate on her.

As a sportive, I never drink. This was probably the fist time in years and years, but we were partying.

After a full year of Corona, emotions got strong, I was really happy until I broke down in tears. But till then, it was really an amazing day and I really enjoyed.

Thanks god I have 2 amazing friends who helped me out and took me home safely. 

 

Then of course, alcohol made his job makin me cry. But better crying it out than keep it inside.

Now I am training a lot (2-3h a day) and working the rest hours (9-12h a day). Not much time to think actually. 

What hurts me is just Sundays, because I have then really a lot of time to think. If I find a way to fill up my Sundays, I would then be much better.

 

Thanks for your reply again.

I will keep you posted. I will try to do my best till then.

 

Take care.

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7 hours ago, CommanderCody said:

I cant avoid not seeing myself 6 months ago in you right now. I felt like I was the one writing this down lol 

Keep in mind that whenever you initiate contact with her, you only hold yourself back from healing and keeping in touch with her wont do you any good. Trust me, I've been there (you could read my forum to get some perspective). I know how desperate we are into keep them in our lives but thats something we cant control.  

One thing to consider if you're going to continue talking to her, walking on egg shells aint an easy thing to do. You will constantly feel stressed of carefully thinking of everything you're gonna say to her; as you have already mentioned that you're " lowkey making it an easy conversation" that's already the start and it's hard, trust me. I know the feeling you're going through, I wish you strength if you proceed with this. 

 

I would most likely stop contacting her simply because I don't have anything to ask her or to tell her, as I said yesterday, everything I need to tell her I already told her so based on that, I am ok with myself.

 

Bad timing.

Wrong person.

Bad combination. That's life. The show must go on.

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II'm glad you're coming to terms with it, most of us took longer to do so. ;)

Have you thought of going hiking with friends on Sundays?  It can be a great way to get exercise, de-stress and safely.  I always love getting out among nature, it helps my well-being.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey guys, quick update:

She, really randomly and out of the blue, texted me. She didnt want to ask anything (or neither asking how am I doing). We had a discussion (well, discussion, we just had 2 different opinions back in the days when we were still a couple) and she get somehow back to that topic reading it somewhere. She was like "hey, you should read this, maybe you could understand it better or change your mind"

 

I was like "wtf"? How should I reply to something that leaves nothing open for a reply? I just replied back "Ok then, I might give it a read, who knows", then her again "Do it :)" 

And again, she just write stuff really "closed" or damn difficult to reply. Why that? This make totally no sense to me. I don't even want to find it out a reason to all this because it probably doesnt have any. 

 

But yea, she told me she needs time for her, that she want to focus on herself and then she waste her time to write random stuff to me. Its not even that she wants to talk to me. She's just writing stuff but, again, close without giving me any chance to start a conversation

Again, I am not pretending to understand her mind. She probably doesnt understand it either

 

Anyway day by day is going better. I am focusing on myself (and working a lot, lol)

And, as she requested I am leaving her all her space and I am NOT going to write her again first.

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2 hours ago, Kevin13 said:

I am not pretending to understand her mind. She probably doesnt understand it either

Exactly...let it go.  It might be good to cut all avenues of contact so she doesn't have room to send you hurtling...my ex gave me mixed messages, confusing me, caused me emotional turmoil until I learned to turn it off and pay no heed to it. ;)

2 hours ago, Kevin13 said:

Anyway day by day is going better. I am focusing on myself (and working a lot, lol)

Good, this is best!

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On 6/13/2021 at 3:16 PM, kayc said:

Exactly...let it go.  It might be good to cut all avenues of contact so she doesn't have room to send you hurtling...my ex gave me mixed messages, confusing me, caused me emotional turmoil until I learned to turn it off and pay no heed to it. ;)

Good, this is best!

Another little, probably nonsense, update.

 

She probably muted my Insta stories, I think. Or she just avoid them, dont know.

Today then, out of nowhere (again, lol) she react to a story of mine, totally randomly. I then did nothing, ignored her reaction.

 

Why she's acting like this? She's testing me? She wants, somehow, to reconnect but shes unsure? I mean, this doesnt make any sense and, to be honest, its making my healing process more difficult. Taking in consideration to block her so she won't be able to reach out and "disturb" me.

 

Hope you guys are all good

 

 

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5 hours ago, Kevin13 said:

Another little, probably nonsense, update.

 

She probably muted my Insta stories, I think. Or she just avoid them, dont know.

Today then, out of nowhere (again, lol) she react to a story of mine, totally randomly. I then did nothing, ignored her reaction.

 

Why she's acting like this? She's testing me? She wants, somehow, to reconnect but shes unsure? I mean, this doesnt make any sense and, to be honest, its making my healing process more difficult. Taking in consideration to block her so she won't be able to reach out and "disturb" me.

 

Hope you guys are all good

 

 

People do strange things after a break up, not really worth wondering about. My ex did weird things like that too and it could be anything, but I think it was guilt and it just made things worse. Your mind will try to convince you it means something positive for the high, but don't let it. Block her if you feel you need to do so, this is all about you and your own recovery - not about how she feels. 

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