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It's been awhile! Thought I would give an update.


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Happy Hump Day! I want to share something with my friends on here in hopes my experience may help someone else. 
13 months ago my world shattered all around me with the death of my fiancé who was also my best friend. I felt hopeless, helpless and lost, like a satellite knocked out of its orbit. I stopped caring. I just...stopped. 
I was angry for months, screaming at God at the top of my lungs, wondering how He had the nerve to rob me of the only man who ever made me feel beautiful, like I was worth something, like I hadn't felt in many years. Then one day as I was crying out to God, asking "Why? Why me? Why us?" He gently spoke to my heart and said "Wrong questions." It hit me like a brick wall. What I should've asked all along was "What now?" It was then and there that I made up my mind to honor Brian by not wasting a single moment of what we had together, being happy again and living the life I know he would want me to live. 
When I look back on that day, July 22nd, 2020, watching Brian take his last breath, wondering how I could possibly go on, I see how very far God has brought me. I am happy again, living again and have hope again. 
My prayer is that this simple testimony of God's never failing love for us will speak to another heart that feels like it can't go on. I promise you, God will bring you through better and stronger than ever. He did it for me, and is still doing it. Yes I have days when the smallest triggers break me, but I work through them, knowing Brian is smiling down on me and I know he is so proud of me. 

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I'm so glad you came back to share this uplifting story with us!  Our choice to live can indeed make a difference.

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@Boho-Soul It can be very hard in early grief as grief is so thick it seems to keep everything else out.  As the dust settles, our thinking clears a bit and for me it was about a year when I felt I couldn't reach God, but then I realized He was there all the time, carrying me, when I could least see.  (I had always been an avid pray-er before this.)  It returns.

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