I Feel Totally Attacked Yet Also Relieved

[Whiteswan]

Here is a long story that I am going to try to make short as possible: A "friend " of mine has shown her true colors so to speak a few times in the past but I forgave her and let her back into my life. She came over recently and proceeded to tell my son (7, nearly 8 yrs old) what to do and what not to do and I was right there! She kept correcting his behaviour , told him while we were out that if he didn't behave he could go sit in her car, embarrassed him in front of a waitress for what she thought was rude behavior of his, etc, etc.(I didn't see a really big problem with his behaviour-- he was being a normal 7 yr old boy and the few times he got out of line I corrected him and she kept correcting him after I did, and at other times when his behaviour was not a problem!) Now, this woman has "taken over" so to speak in the past -ie- when my Mom was still alive this woman babysat my son one day as there was no daycare that day and I had to work. My son and I lived with my Mom and it is my Mom's house. This woman decided that she would change the kitty litter boxes, do the laundry and get onto my computer and change everything around on it . My Mom told her that she didn't want her to do any of those things, to just watch my son and play with him as my Mom was not feeling well. (That is the only reason I got this woman to babysit-- my Mom was ill and wasn't up to it). Well, this woman proceeded to overstep my Mom's boundaries and went ahead and did the laundry (broke the dryer in the process to the tune of $285.00 to fix it!), plugged the bathtub with kitty litter (liquid plumber solved that), and messed around changing all kinds of stuff on my computer! My Mom didn't have the strength to argue with her so just shut herself in her bedroom and told me when I got home that she felt violated , treated like nothing by this woman, etc. I then chose not to have further contact with this woman for quite awhile but she kept calling so I decided to forgive her. DUMB,DUMB,DUMB!!! She totally violated my authority as a parent the other day and I emailed her later and politely told her how I felt about that and that I would appreciate it if she did not tell my son what to do , etc as I am the one who should be doing that. I said it in a really nice way and told her that my own Mom never over rode my parental authority and she lived right with my son and I. WELL, I got this email back from this woman telling me that she overextended her boudaries and went out with my son and I as she saw we needed that even though she was tired and in pain(meanwhile she NEVER mentioned any pain that night , only said at the end of the visit that she had to get home to let her dog out), that she is too old to get into parental issues with me and that she treated us wonderfully and doesn't know what I am talking about, that she treats us the same way she does everyone and gives us her best so if that isn't good enough to find other friends who share my perspective, AND the real stab was "I am not like your mother" (a shot because I mentioned my Mom never overstepping my parental boundaries and she lived right in the same house. This woman knows my Mom and I were very close and that I am devastated by my Mom's death!) She is not close to her Mom or her entire family as they have sort of pushed her away indicating that she is a trouble maker so I think she is jealous that I was so close to my Mom. I felt totally attacked by her email and have decided that is it! "Friendship" OVER!!!! Does she sound diabolical to anyone else? I would appreciate any insights , thoughts, etc. Thanks all.

[shell]

Whiteswan,

Oh yeah, she sounds diabolical and a few other choice words I won't put in this post! You are absolutely right to end this "friendship", in my opinion. This is definitely someone you, and more importantly, your son, don't need in your lives. You've made the right decision!

Hugs to you and your little boy,

Shell

[Maylissa]

Whiteswan,

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's never easy having to deal with people who can't give an inch in anything, especially after a major loss. This woman sounds not only extremely controlling, but the fact that she wouldn't even TRY to see your side and 'dismissed' you so easily and quickly says alot about her. One clue, though....if she claims she treats not only you, but everyone like this.....run far, run fast, cuz that's probably true, and perhaps you've been the only one to ever call her on her behaviour. People like this don't usually want to look at themselves in any way, shape or form. I have a friend who's somewhat similar in that she believes she's always right and perfect about every little thing, but to her credit, she doesn't try to impose her ways of doing things on those who don't want them, so it's not as hard to overlook her shortcoming and still see the good parts of her ( and she does have many ). I can't even imagine coming into someone else's house and after expressly being told NOT to do something, doing it anyway. Sheesh!!

[Haley]

Whiteswan

I am so sorry that you had to go through that horrible friendship. How could someone in there right mind try to be so controlling? You did the right thing by just emailing her and ending it all for once. Your mom is above smiling down on you for you standing up for your son and family (mom, son and your self) I bet you have made her proud.

I would wash your hand of her totally and never even give her a second or third ... chance. She over stepped her boundries thats that. I bet you she is just jealous of who and what you have in your life and she does not. You've said that her own family pushed her away well thats your answer. Family is in for the long haul and to push them away you have done wrong.

Take care keep your head up.

Thanks

Haley

[Whiteswan]

Thanks for all the support. I am relieved that the "friend " is out of my son's and my life. I just hurts that she could do all she did to an old defenseless woman who was so sick (my Mom the day that woman babysat my son) and then did so much to hurt my son and I after my Mom died! Kick us when we were down! I realized the other day why I had a really weird dream a few days before this woman was last with us. I had dreamed that my Mom was standing with my son and I in our driveway then said something about being careful of what was near the car. I walked over looked near the back tire of the car and a HUGE rat (this thing was bigger that a large dog!) leaped out at me ! I started running and my son started running with me away from this thing and I was worried it was going to bite him. I was trying to put myself behind him so it would bite me first (we were running away from it ) and I fell on the ground but managed to grab my son's arm and get him out of its way behind me . It came charging at me on the ground and I took all the strength I had and kicked it hard. I woke up at that point . Needless to say I couldn't figure out WHY my Mom would give me a dream like that! A complete nightmare! Then the other day after that "friend" did what she did that dream flashed through my mind and I thought "AHAA, now I get it!" SHE was the rat in the dream --- I was down in the dream and the rat attacked -- just like I am down in this grief and she comes over and attacks! Obviously my Mom was trying to tell me something and yes, I bet my Mom is glad I got rid of that "friend " in our lives. I gave her the boot so to speak!

[Haley]

Whiteswan

Is it not weird how our family tries to protect us in one way or another and we learn from things it may take time but I believe that truely. Your MOM protected you and your son now in your dream rather than something else to have happened. I just wish I could see things like that with my MOM I believe it but it has not happened yet to me. Weird I know but you have to believe in things before you can see it for real.

I am so glad that is one less worry to you and your son now but, did she ever email you back or did she just leave it alone I hope so you don't have to deal with the rat again she left running the other way.

I have only had one dream of my MOM sence she left me. I had a dream that she was there with all of her kids and I got to give her a hug and kiss even though everybody else told me not to I did anyway. I don't understand it yet but I at least got to give her a hug and kiss. I would like to look that up in the dream book to see.

Keep in touch

Thanks

Haley