Are there any reconciliation stories after one broke it off due to a personal death?

[aleck1998]

I’m interested in knowing.. I’ve seen kayc say that out of the hundreds of posts here, it’s only happened once. However, I’m curious to know if there’s more to this statistic than is being seen. If given space when requested, do partners talk once again?

[kayc]

Actually I haven't seen ANY that made it through, two said they did but messaged me later and said they didn't make it.

I am "friends" with my ex, Jim and his XW (whom he now lives with) but as for our relationship...it is no longer and has not been since the day he broke up with me.  I care about him but that's it.  I'm one of the FEW that have remained in contact, and we had been no contact for months in the beginning, it was necessary for healing and acceptance.

I feel things happen for a reason and instead of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, it's best to accept the difference/changes and move on.

[MartyT]

Remember also that ours is a skewed sample of self-selected individuals whose presence in this forum reflects its title: Loss of a Love Relationship. Those whose issues were resolved successfully and whose relationships survived aren't likely to post here.

[kayc]

Good point.  I just don't want to give false hope, as long as you're bent on that you're unlikely to begin your healing.

[MartyT]

No disagreement there, Kay. If ever I disagreed with your sound advice that you give so freely and so generously in this forum, I would say so. ❤️

[aleck1998]

I don’t want any false hope either. However, I am truthfully determined to be a success story on here and and set an example. Kayc and MartyT, I am very grateful for your individual input and contributions to this forum. I may be new to it, but I have scavenged a lot of posts and you both seem to truly have a grip on how grief affects relationships better than a lot do… because it’s a very personal and unique concept.

If you follow my story in my post, the last thing I heard from my now ex-girlfriend is to respect her wishes for space, she still loves me and that this breakup was to be just as painful for her as for me. Her blocking me was in our best interests so we could heal. I find it near impossible to believe that after this stint of NC we will not be able to reconcile. Maybe this is just me being stuck in a phase of denial, but I think I cleared that out of my system after the first few days of her telling me it was over. I don’t think what I feel is denial. Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, I love this woman and I know she feels the same way about me. She needs to process her grief by herself. Currently, she is unable to make anyone a priority but herself. She needed to do this. She could not give what our relationship needed and it made her guilty. Honestly, professing my feelings to her in a long voice memo after the fact we broke up makes me feel bad now in hindsight because I don’t want to add any more guilt into her life or the decision she made to end our relationship, but I think it’s justified in believing that it was okay to want my voice to be heard. Nobody is in the wrong.

I hope that with the space I will be giving her, she can grieve as she wishes. I will fight for this woman because I love her and if apart of this fight means that I need to give her an amount of space that has an unknown time frame, then I want to do it. 

[kayc]

13 hours ago, aleck1998 said:

the last thing I heard from my now ex-girlfriend is to respect her wishes for space

This is what you have to go by. 

If you're bent on hoping, temper it with caution...remember, this is a process, so I understand, it's very hard to wrap our heads around such immense, drastic change with the snap of a finger.  It takes time for this to sink in, assimilate it, begin healing and let clarity come.

[aleck1998]

5 hours ago, kayc said:

This is what you have to go by. 

If you're bent on hoping, temper it with caution...remember, this is a process, so I understand, it's very hard to wrap our heads around such immense, drastic change with the snap of a finger.  It takes time for this to sink in, assimilate it, begin healing and let clarity come.

It does take time. It’s a wild swing of emotions constantly. It’s just a part of me finds it incredibly hard to believe that an inevitable talk (even if it’s not reconciliation) has to be destined. We didn’t really end on bad terms.. no arguing, bad mouthing, yelling, etc. Sure, I may have tried to salvage it and ended up getting blocked, but she was just trying to protect herself.

Do all dumpers, even in the scenario of dumping during grief, experience the classic stages of dumping grief? Relief, followed by this and that etc. I’m curious to hear your take on this. Could it be that there is indeed a small window far out where my ex-partner will want to reach out? Again, I’m sorry I feel like a broken record. I understand that her grief is not about me. I just really care for and miss this person. I want her to be okay so if this is what she wants, then that’s it, but it’s just so hard to move on for some reason. Some days I feel okay with it and other days are incredibly challenging and feel like a battle.

[kayc]

I tried to cover this in your other thread so rather than be redundant, I'll direct you back to that one.

21 hours ago, aleck1998 said:

it’s just so hard to move on

It's not easy on any of us, unless they cheat or something.  It just doesn't make sense to us at the time, please give yourself the necessary time for clarity!  I feel like I'm saying the same things to you for the same reason.

[aleck1998]

26 minutes ago, kayc said:

I tried to cover this in your other thread so rather than be redundant, I'll direct you back to that one.

It's not easy on any of us, unless they cheat or something.  It just doesn't make sense to us at the time, please give yourself the necessary time for clarity!  I feel like I'm saying the same things to you for the same reason.

Yeah  there’s not a whole lot of new information to be said unless there’s a bigger update involved. I still appreciate your continued responses. I will look at the other thread

[Kevin13]

I think I read like 60 threads on here and in other websites. No one did it.

I lost hope recently, after 4 months

 

Pretty simple: this stuff CHANGES you. The person you were used to date/love is not the same anymore and she/he will be never like before.

But hey, remember, me, you, everyone on here did OUR VERY BEST, the endcome is not on us. We did nothing, NOTHING wrong. We could have never did something else in order to keep our partner. Again, death of a parent/sibling/someone so close is devastating and it may drastically change you as a person.

 

I know it's hard.

But the show must go on.

 

We will find our path.

[kayc]

7 hours ago, Kevin13 said:

I think I read like 60 threads on here and in other websites. No one did it.

60 threads???

[aleck1998]

It’s true. The show does go on. I’ve been going back and forth between anger and “depression” and acceptance. I think I’m slowly getting to where I need to be.

[Kevin13]

16 hours ago, kayc said:

60 threads???

Yes, I think I read around 50+ topics here. It helped seeing stuff from other perspective.

6 hours ago, aleck1998 said:

It’s true. The show does go on. I’ve been going back and forth between anger and “depression” and acceptance. I think I’m slowly getting to where I need to be.

Feel you. Soon its my ex's birthday, just god knows how much I miss her and how much I'd like to be there with her but it wasn't just meant to be.

We need to be strong and take our time. Soon we will be much better.

Keep going

[aleck1998]

7 hours ago, Kevin13 said:

Feel you. Soon its my ex's birthday, just god knows how much I miss her and how much I'd like to be there with her but it wasn't just meant to be.

We need to be strong and take our time. Soon we will be much better.

Keep going

For sure man. I know I’m just an Internet stranger but I’m here for you if you ever need to vent or talk about what happened. Feel free to reply here or message me! The need to reach out on her birthday I’m sure is a strong feeling… the need to reconnect. This is not a race but a process!