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My Dad will never meet my children…


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My lovely Dad died very suddenly and unexpectedly six weeks ago of a heart attack. He was 68. I am really struggling with the loss, we were very close and I would see him and speak to him every day. 

I’m 34 and my husband and I have been trying for a baby since January. We haven’t been successful as I have recently discovered I have some health problems which are not helping fertility.
 

I am so, so sad that if we’re ever fortunate enough to have a family, my Dad will never meet my children. He was such a fantastic father, the best, and I know he’d have been the best grandad. I feel I let him down by not trying for a family sooner, and now I’ve missed my chance to feel happy. I’ve been married nearly 10 years but we put it off as mentally we were not in the right place until a year or so ago. We’ve also had a lot of stress in the last few years with moving house, then again, renovating, and not having a home for a while etc. 
Now I can’t help but wish I’d had my children in my twenties so my Dad could have at least seen me pregnant and held my babies in his arms. 
Its so hard as my husbands parents are still alive but we aren’t close at all. My husband was closer to my Dad than his own. Why does life feel so unfair sometimes? 

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4 hours ago, Rebecca34 said:

Why does life feel so unfair sometimes? 

Simply because it IS unfair sometimes. I'm so sorry you lost your dad so soon. The same thing happened to me when I was your age: my father died suddenly and unexpectedly from a heart attack, also at the age of 68. Gone too soon. Way too soon. You are mourning the loss of your dad along with all the hopes and dreams you had for him, and you are facing the rest of your life without his physical presence in it. I am so, so sorry . . . 

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@Rebecca34  I could relate to what you're saying although I'm nearly 70 now.  I spent many years going to a fertility specialist before having my children.  My dad was 62 when he died of a heart attack, I was seven months pregnant, he never got to meet his grandchildren, he would have been a wonderful grandpa.  He loved kids.

I told my kids stories about my dad, displayed pictures, gave my son his robe and his piggy bank, my daughter the jewelry box he'd given me.  I told them how proud he'd be of them, my daughter would have been the apple of his eye, with her dimples, charm, and personality.  My son graduated with three engineering degrees, debt free and straight A's all through college, valedictorian in HS, Commencement speakers in his college graduations, top marks in the Air Force.  Yes, daddy would have been proud.  My daughter has owned her own business and never been out of work, she's a hard worker and a go getter, very versatile.  

You can do this too, and know your dad is looking down, proud.  You're in my thoughts and prayers, I know this is no easy road.  Infertility is a quiet pain people often don't realize we're carrying.  I've come home from baby showers in tears.  It's one of those little understood battles we go through too often by ourselves, along with our husband.  

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad.  But it didn't end there...you are his legacy and I know you'll carry on what you've learned from him.  That is the highest honor we can pay them. :wub:

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On 8/31/2021 at 3:55 AM, Rebecca34 said:

My lovely Dad died very suddenly and unexpectedly six weeks ago of a heart attack. He was 68. I am really struggling with the loss, we were very close and I would see him and speak to him every day. 

I’m 34 and my husband and I have been trying for a baby since January. We haven’t been successful as I have recently discovered I have some health problems which are not helping fertility.
 

I am so, so sad that if we’re ever fortunate enough to have a family, my Dad will never meet my children. He was such a fantastic father, the best, and I know he’d have been the best grandad. I feel I let him down by not trying for a family sooner, and now I’ve missed my chance to feel happy. I’ve been married nearly 10 years but we put it off as mentally we were not in the right place until a year or so ago. We’ve also had a lot of stress in the last few years with moving house, then again, renovating, and not having a home for a while etc. 
Now I can’t help but wish I’d had my children in my twenties so my Dad could have at least seen me pregnant and held my babies in his arms. 
Its so hard as my husbands parents are still alive but we aren’t close at all. My husband was closer to my Dad than his own. Why does life feel so unfair sometimes? 

Because life is unfair. Your feelings are normal and a part of this grieving process. Grief is our unexpressed love to the people we love.  It take time to learn that we cannot change the past. The decisions we made then were based on what we knew and understood then. Acceptance of that takes time, tears, and struggle.  Feelings are not to be ignored, yet they are not always facts.  Upon examination, contemplation, discussion and prayer, we can learn from them when we pursue the truth.  Your loss of your father is deep and profound. We who are left behind by our loved ones understand and empathize with your grief.  It is good to be able to have a group to discus these thoughts and feelings with people who understand and care.  - Shalom (Peace)

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  • 1 month later...
On 8/31/2021 at 8:55 AM, Rebecca34 said:

My lovely Dad died very suddenly and unexpectedly six weeks ago of a heart attack. He was 68. I am really struggling with the loss, we were very close and I would see him and speak to him every day. 

I’m 34 and my husband and I have been trying for a baby since January. We haven’t been successful as I have recently discovered I have some health problems which are not helping fertility.
 

I am so, so sad that if we’re ever fortunate enough to have a family, my Dad will never meet my children. He was such a fantastic father, the best, and I know he’d have been the best grandad. I feel I let him down by not trying for a family sooner, and now I’ve missed my chance to feel happy. I’ve been married nearly 10 years but we put it off as mentally we were not in the right place until a year or so ago. We’ve also had a lot of stress in the last few years with moving house, then again, renovating, and not having a home for a while etc. 
Now I can’t help but wish I’d had my children in my twenties so my Dad could have at least seen me pregnant and held my babies in his arms. 
Its so hard as my husbands parents are still alive but we aren’t close at all. My husband was closer to my Dad than his own. Why does life feel so unfair sometimes? 

my mu will never see her two lovely granddaughts. she died of cancer back in 2015 and i had just given birth to layla. My husband died in 2020 due to stress from Covid-19. we are expecting another girl in December and now i am heartbroken that my husband of 5 years killed himself. im only 22

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