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37 days both of us gone


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It's been 37 days too long.
Everyday is aggressively intensifying and mocking your absence. Each day is worse than the previous. 
Haven't been outside only to grab mail or packages
Haven't showered or anything in this time
Haven't brushed my teeth regularly 
Been wearing the same thing for weeks at a time.
I don't smile.
I barely talk.
I barely eat. 
I barely sleep.
I barely breathe.
I barely care.
Haven't moved your beds
Haven't thrown out your toys or anything. They are in my pillowcases. I sniff them regularly. 
I carry one of your balls in my pocket daily. I sniff it constantly.  It smells of you. 
Been careful with it to not squeeze it and emit the sound of it squeaking, as you will not come running for it.
I try not to cry because you're in those tears and I never want to lose you again.
Another night of fireworks with out you, and without being able to console each other. 
I stay in bed most days 
I am lost and gone forever.
I am with you, but without you.
I dont care about the stench.
I reek of death.
I reek of absence. 
I reek of loneliness. 
I reek of desperation. 
I reek of bargaining.
I reek of selfishness. 
I reek of guilt.
I reek of lost.
I reek of numbness.
I reek of blame 
I am far gone

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