Joining the Club

[Gwenivere]

1 hour ago, Marg M said:

Now I face it with a Xanax.  Might be up for criticism (especially from my Louisiana doc), but sometimes I do for me what I have to do.  No apologies.

I’m getting that same reaction from my doc. He is very anti Xanax.  He thinks how much I take a day is high.  I’m actually 1-2 mgs. less than usual according to the DSM V.  My shrink keeps me on a lower dose.  I’ve read many people take them for years, like me.  Dependent on them?  Yes.  Maybe it’s a placebo effect, but I’m not giving it up.  Tho, there would be withdrawal.  Ever since the SSRI antidepressants came out, the new protocol is Xanax for a few months while waiting for them to kick in and then discontinue them.  I’ve read lots of messages from people still suffering on this regimen.  I hate when they treat things like a one size fits all.
 

 

[Gwenivere]

1 hour ago, Widow2015 said:

I kept getting messages I omitted information off order form.  I gave up and will try again tomorrow.   Can't tell if it is me or my poor computer skills. 

This is why I try to order as much as I can on Amazon.  All my billing is in file.  I get your frustration on varied sites.  I run into that problem too.  It’s not just you.  The ones I hate the most are the ones that won’t point out what is wrong and make you start all over again.  Arg!  😡

[kayc]

10 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I want to know your secret of not looking into the future.  How do try not to when your hands remind you like my back?

My hands are with me, that is present, but by future I mean any further calamity that life can throw at me as I've learned it does, I try to live a day at a time, just get through today without thinking of all the things that can and possibly will come...it's too much, I can't handle it.

[kayc]

I get the t.v. contraption thing...I try real hard not to touch/change anything in the hopes I'm not left w/o it altogether.  I am NOT a techie!  So it is, I don't breathe on it.  Says the lady who has the cupboard ceiling hole covered with posterboard duct taped and held up with a toilet plunger!  My son laughed when I sent him a picture!  (I did wash it first.)  Redneck fix. (The heat made the duct tape not hold).

[kayc]

BTW my internet has been going out lately and I called them and got a guy from India (of course) and no offense, but he was stupid!  He told me I could go on line and get answers, yep I got the same thing from their voice messaging, how are you supposed to go on line if you HAVE NO INTERNET!  He asked if it was my router, no, I've never had problems with my router but I'd already told him I'd reset them both and when I'd called earlier they'd admitted to having an outage in my area!  He didn't listen, comprehend anything I said.  While we were on the phone it came back and I'd ALREADY TOLD HIM SO!  I gave up on him and hung up.  As Ron White says, "You can't fix stupid!"  

[Margm]

12 hours ago, V. R. said:

Oh how I miss him! Sometimes it really is unbearable! (actually, not sometimes, always). 

Sometimes I tell Billy, "Do you realize I have not seen you in over six years, and we didn't like to be away from each other for a night."  And sometimes, for just a terribly short moment, I wonder was he ever there at all.  Silly of me, really idiotic, but like my grandma after 19 years, I think, "it seems like yesterday.  I know this is weird, I know he is not here (he is in my head) but sometimes I feel him behind me in this apartment.  Billy would not have lived in an apartment.  I feel life all around me though.  The neighbor upstairs, a young couple who just had a five pound baby girl (a few months ago), hearing the older daughter practicing her tumbling, her dancing in her mom's shoes, (I imagine), and the strange noise their bed makes at night.  There is still life out there, even if we look through it.  

[Margm]

10 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 Dependent on them?  Yes.  Maybe it’s a placebo effect,

When I was under psych therapy, I took it for seven years, in the 1980's.  (I think).  I found, if I took more and more, the effect on my anxiety was less and less.  I had to cut them down to only necessity and fought through less necessary because the more I took, the less results I needed to happen, they didn't happen.  It might just be me and the med, and I have no problem taking them.  Except, if I took 3 a day, two would not have the results that one would have.  With that happening, I actually had to make myself take breathing exercises when I wanted the Xanax.  It does help my shaking and if I have to go  out, I will take one.  Maybe it is my metabolism.  I went years without taking them, a friend gave me one and I went to sleep at my desk.  It would not do that now.  

[Gwenivere]

I feel like my Xanax isn’t working these days.  At least as well as it did.  Then I look at everything happening around me and see there is more than I’ve ever had to deal with.  I’d hate to think that it isn’t effective on some level because I’d really be up a creek as far as functioning and thinking.  I know the amount I take would knock someone else out.  I read on the internet about it becoming useless and a few about people that have used it for years and it works.  I’m just so confused and depressed these days to figure it out.  

[Ruby]

17 hours ago, V. R. said:

 

I used to be sceptical about Internet and all that navigating in the web, etc etc.

 

I know what you mean. I never had or wanted any social media presence; great for others, just not me. So for me to be on a site like this is a big departure that I can’t really explain. But I agree, it’s valuable! A place to express and to learn. Reading about how others have persevered and adapted under the most difficult circumstances is an inspiration. 

Novi, I love Sphinx’s story and the hopeful message! Makes me think of my Zoe who left a few years ago; hope she found my husband and mom. 

Gwen, can’t imagine your disappointment and despair, and just wishing the very best for you.

Kay, hope you don’t mind my copying your memory tree idea!   Except mine is a bare persimmon tree that I’ll plant - so sticks and ornaments. There’s a Santa in a blue kayak. He loved his blue kayak, sleek and fast (unlike my wide and slow yellow one). And the chef’s jacket. He was such a skilled and creative cook and surprised me with something incredible almost every day. I was spoiled rotten. Now it’s lots of peanut butter. 

Sure am dreading Christmas Eve and Christmas. Hoping some of you are at a stage in which you’re able to find some enjoyment in the season!
 

 

 

 

 

[Margm]

3 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I feel like my Xanax isn’t working these days.

I think you need to feel like it is working Gwen.  I remember years ago reading that aluminum foil would cause dementia.  Today I opened something about daily use of simple things like toothpaste, etc. would cause it.  We had a silver alert for a little woman about 9 years younger than me.  It was on the news each night.  In 3-4 days they found her at a new car lot where she had got lost.  Nothing had harmed her except her little mind and probably giving up when she was totally lost.  Louisiana weather was tolerable at night until yesterday.  The doc told me he didn't give Xanax because it causes dementia.  Seems the essential tremor I have leads to it also.  Looking at the pictures of the class reunion from the 4th (I didn't go, of course), I didn't know three of them and called one of them by the wrong name.  Was writing to a friend on FB, it was her cousin I had named wrong.  I'm sure I'm not getting any smarter, but when my kids and sister never want me going anywhere alone, I doubt myself.  I slip off anyhow.  If I feel I am a danger, I hope I will know it.  My drivers license comes due next year, so we will see how that goes.  (I am knocking on wood) but no traffic accidents or tickets even though my insurance goes up each year.  Guess that's enough.  If you think the Xanax does you good, they by golly, it does.  Your the one who knows.  My Louisiana doc wanted me to add fiber to my diet.  I'm convinced he is trying to kill me.😇

[Widow2015]

3 hours ago, Marg M said:

The doc told me he didn't give Xanax because it causes dementia.

Marg: That's what my present doctor told me when I asked for a refill to help me sleep.  My previous doctor of about 18 years had prescribed it for me after Bob passed away.  I would only take half of a 50 mg Xanax.  Instead of Xanax, she prescribed 1-2 trazadone before bedtime to help with sleep.  I only took one trazadone nightly and I was able to sleep well for about a year until about a month ago  insomnia set in again.  So started taking 1 1/2 pills and am sleeping again.  I checked online and read our body can build a resistance to trazadone.  If I can, after the New Year and I am able to get through my vision issues, I am going to back off the sleep aides if I can.

 

7 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I feel like my Xanax isn’t working these days.  At least as well as it did.  Then I look at everything happening around me and see there is more than I’ve ever had to deal with.

Gwen:  Wondering if this isn't the same as I have experienced with my sleeping pills as described above.

4 hours ago, Ruby said:

Sure am dreading Christmas Eve and Christmas. Hoping some of you are at a stage in which you’re able to find some enjoyment in the season!

Ruby:  Since my husband has been gone since April 2015 I have dreaded the holidays as you are having to face.  A memory tree is a good idea and should help you get through some of the emptiness.   This past year I moved from our home and moved to a small manufactured home on my son's property.  One of the challenge since moving has been downsizing so many memorable items I don't have room for.  This past month I have opened up the boxes of Christmas tree ornaments and decorations attempting to eliminate some or most.  So hard because many were ornaments he gave me, I gave him or we bought on a vacation trip.  My smaller home has no room for a tree or storage to keep unused items.  I am going to try to do the best I can to make this an enjoyable Christmas, even though different.  I am happy being able to spend more time with my son's little family; two grandchildren. 

Dee

[Gwenivere]

7 hours ago, Marg M said:

If you think the Xanax does you good, they by golly, it does. 

I’ll hang onto that nugget of wisdom, Marg.  Thank you.  Never thought about before, just stuck to my schedule.  Now I’m so aware of them and wondering...am I an addict?   I’m so sick of being told so much lately with new docs that was never an issue before.

7 hours ago, Marg M said:

my kids and sister never want me going anywhere alone, I doubt myself.  I slip off anyhow.  If I feel I am a danger, I hope I will know it. 

We want to feel freedom.  We’re shackled in so many ways.  You are a wise woman. Can’t see you putting yourself in danger.  I know the feeling tho.  A few times driving I found myself distracted.  Ye 'ole brain cells just don’t fire like they used to.  Multitasking is dangerous now.  I’m not even using a phone.  I haven’t driven in so long it will be scary if/when I do.  
 

2 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

This past month I have opened up the boxes of Christmas tree ornaments and decorations attempting to eliminate some or most.  So hard because many were ornaments he gave me, I gave him or we bought on a vacation trip.

Oh, Dee.  That is heartbreaking.  I haven’t seen our stuff in years.  Can’t imagine having to touch those happy memories and remove a single one.  So many engraved ones os us and our many furry kids.  Even generic ornaments we alternated as he liked shiny and I liked satin.  The boxes have lots of reindeer pieces for around the house.  Bells.  Chimes.  So glad you have your family to be with.  ❤️. Maybe after the holiday you will not need the sleep meds.   I think you meant a 5mg. Xanax.  25mg. would knock you out for days!
 

Going to be very different for New Years.  I only barely see the kitchen calendar now.  My page a day, his bathroom and my office ones are not places I can be in for a long time.  The one I use most is the copy of med and counseling appointments on my living room end table desk or the iPad.

[Kieron]

4 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I’m so sick of being told so much lately with new docs that was never an issue before.

Part of that, I would suspect, is that the current thinking and the continuing education they have to do influences them.  What was accepted and unremarkable becomes, suddenly, an issue.  The conventional wisdom evolves (not always for the better) and it also depends on where they went to school and what their philosophy is.  And then you have current panics like the opioid crisis and the pandemic --all of which makes people a bit squirrelly, like this cat.  🙃

[Ruby]

7 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

I am going to try to do the best I can to make this an enjoyable Christmas, even though different.  

Thanks, Dee. The downsizing must have been tough with all the memories. Living on your son’s property sounds like such a great arrangement for all of you. Hope you have a pleasant (albeit different) holiday, and enjoy those grandkids!

[kayc]

13 hours ago, Marg M said:

I remember years ago reading that aluminum foil would cause dementia.  Today I opened something about daily use of simple things like toothpaste, etc. would cause it. 

I don't know about that but statins cause diabetes and diabetes can cause dementia.  Sigh.  I guess you go by your odds...in my family they aren't good.  I'm sticking to eating/living as healthy as I can because I've seen my mom, uncles, aunt and sister through dementia and we all have diabetes and have been prescribed statins (I took myself off of them)...I'm convinced diabetes is at the center of a lot of bad things going wrong in our body so my focus is on controlling that if possible.  Beyond that, something will get us for sure if we live long enough!  Old age is not what it's cracked up to be!  Oh and they want to cut our soc. sec. by 22% by 2032?!  Don't we have enough to deal with!

2 hours ago, Kieron said:

🙃

I love this!! 

 

[V. R.]

https://www.thelancet.com/commissions/dementia2020

I can't help but join in your conversation about dementia. My poor MIL had been suffering in the last few years from this and she had diabetes, thyroid problems and obesity. The real cause of her dementia is still not clear to me, but she had never used anti-depressives, Xanax or any other tranquilizers. However, because of her gradual loss of memory, she didn't even take her medicines and that worsened her condition even more. 

Anyway, I have posted the above link if you're interested to read about the risk factors. Ever since the pandemic started I've grown fond of reading medical articles on line in The Lancet. Maybe I've inherited my precious husband's medical/scientific interests(he was a microbiologist/analyst). He knew everything there is to know about viruses, bacteria, etc.

Hoping you will all also find the articles interesting. 

 

Edited December 9, 2021 by MartyT
Link added ♥

[Widow2015]

9 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I think you meant a 5mg. Xanax.  25mg. would knock you out for days!

Gwen:  HA! You're correct.  I did mean 5mg. Xanax.  

9 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 I’m not even using a phone.  I haven’t driven in so long it will be scary if/when I do.

After I let my car battery die from sitting in garage too long my car blue tooth hasn't been reset and I don't plan to have it reset.  I take my cell phone with me in the car for emergency purposes but should it ring or a text comes across I just ignore it until I'm stopped to see who is texting/calling.  I too, can not multitask.  

Gwen, I'm sure when you are able to drive again your driving abilities will still be with you.  Dee

[Gwenivere]

I don’t know why, but your link, V.R. Just takes me to your profile here.   I don’t think I want to read more about the medical stuff.  I live it too much every hour.  Up for those that do, thought you should know. Unless it’s just me having the problem.

[V. R.]

I apologise for this error, Gwen, it's the first time I've tried inserting a link in a post,unfortunately there was something I should've done and didn't do! Anyway, if you like, you can just search for: The Lancet dementia risk factors and then click on: http:/www.the lancet.com dementia. 

Wishing you all the best for your health. I hope you manage to find a good specialist who can finally  take away all that pain you're going through, once and for all (I understand it's your back?). 

Enza

 

[kayc]

I didn't see much info there but I too love studying about health and have been on my journey to health for two years (following years of not caring after my husband died)...here's some:

Ketogenic Diet and Dementia | Mind Body Seven
Ketogenic Diet for the Treatment and Prevention of Dementia: A Review - Joshua J. Davis, Nicole Fournakis, James Ellison, 2021
Videos: Dementia, Alzheimer's, ADHD, PTSD & the Ketogenic Diet | Keto-To-Go

[kayc]

16 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I don’t think I want to read more about the medical stuff.  I live it too much every hour.

and I get it.  Enough is enough.  It's very relevant for me with my family slammed with diabetes and dementia.  Extremely scary stuff!

[V. R.]

MartyT, thank you for the correction. 

Enza ❤️

[Margm]

Diets:  I have to live on the low residue diet, or die.  Not a healthy diet.  The ketogenic would take care of my worries, but I hate for them to take my body off the commode.  Heck, I hate for them to take it from any place.  I hate people doing anything for me.  I guess I cannot self cremate.  Wow, we do have some conversations.  I put on a "house" jacket I have not worn in two years.  The sleeves used to be loose, now they are tight.  I am going to do something to get my mind off me.  Love you gals and the guys when they come.  You all have my heart.  Gonna decorate my tree.  I've had it all ready to do for days.    

Speaking of diets, my sister and I have same doc.  Her triglycerides are terrible.  We have family history of high cholesterol.  He insists on statins.  Some people cannot take them.  They almost cripple my sister.  So, he put her on low fat diet.  I heard her distress about not having butter.  I was thinking I'd never cared for butter.  She loves olive oil and I think they make a half olive oil, half butter.  I remember them putting Billy on a salt free diet.  I did so much studying on this, cooked meals without it.  Billy said, to hell with that, no salt, then why live.  We are all so different.  All the same.  

[KarenK]

Finally getting a little rain here. Only a few hours worth and it's supposed to snow in Flagstaff. Wish I was there. I know it's no big thing to a lot of you, but here it's like manna from heaven.

[Margm]

Karen, one night I will wear my snuggie socks and the next day it breaks a temperature record of 80.  That might be followed by ice storm next week.  Sounds like warmer weather this month around here.  The moisture in the air aggravates my sister's COPD bad.  But, her "home" she like to live in is New Orleans and it is liquid air.  She lived there about 29 years.