Unrelenting Grief

[lamosangu]

My 49 year old sister died in September. She was diagnosed with multiple myeloma which affected her heart, put her in congestive heart failure. She was told she needed a heart transplant but couldn't have one unless the myeloma was under control. She was unable to have a stem cell transplant (preferred treatment for myeloma) because her heart couldn't withstand it. She died in seven weeks.

My mother was taking care of her in my sister's home. One night she found her face down on the floor of her bedroom, bleeding and not breathing. My mother yelled for my sister's 12 year old son to run to the neighbors and get help, called 911 and began CPR as they instructed. The neighbor came over and helped with CPR. The 12 year old saw all of this.

My sister was taken to the hospital, intubated and cardioverted, but she was already dead. She had a living will and wanted to live if at all possible. My father met my mother at the hospital but is unable to talk to my mother about the way my sister died.

My sister's 17 year old son was away at a school camp. The headmistress head to go and pick him up and tell him about his mother.

My sister's husband had killed himself four years before. He had bipolar disorder and was an alcoholic. My parents are raising the boys.

I feel so much grief and pain. I am a nurse and a lawyer and I'm the "caretaker" and "fixer" in the family. I did so much research, but I couldn't help. I am sick with grief and cry a lot. My sister and I were only 13 months apart in age.

I have had depression/anxiety for years and am taking Effexor, Klonipin and Lamictal. None of it helps.

I feel like my whole family is fractured and I'll always be grieving in this dark place.

[Angellea]

I am so sorry to here of youe loss I know it is hard.

but the only thing I can say now is keep talking about it and in time you will feel better I dont know if the pain ever gose awaybut I hope it dose I just loss my big brother on July 11th 2004 and I feel like it will never end. I hope that mabe we can help each other to get on with our lifes.

Angellea