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Lost my girlfriend of 2 years


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Hello all,

I(26 y/o male), was just broken up with my girlfriend(23 y/o female) of 2 years. Her father was recently diagnosed with Stage 3 bile duct cancer. I am lost in my emotions and what to do going forward. I have made promises to stay at her side no matter what through this horrible process. She had blamed me for not being there when she needed me most, however I think her words were out of anger. She is very close with her family, as am I. We had never had real arguments in our 2 year relationship. We were always at each others side. Both when I was feeling down and when she was down we had always encouraged and helped each other get through tough times in the past.

I am her first boyfriend and did my absolute best to ensure her that I love her and care for her and her family. She has since blocked me out of her life(social media,cell phone,etc).

Her family did take me into their home when my family decided to move out of state, and as a "thank you" i wanted to send her parents flowers and a letter to show support during these tough times her father is going through. Is this the right thing to do for her parents? Even though she doesnt want me in her life anymore, i just want to show support to her parents as they were always nice and caring to me. 

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If you do that, it should not be an ongoing process, thank them and then be done.  (If she lives with her parents, she will see this and may be upset, thinking you're using it as a way to get to her.)  It could make her parents feel awkward too, stuck in the middle, something they don't need right now of all times.  You may have altruistic motives but even so explore them further to see if there could be any other reason behind it.  Nothing about this is simple.

I am very sorry for your loss.  Yes, this is a loss, a grief of a relationship and future you thought you had, all your dreams.  It's one of the hardest things we can go through...been there. 

My fiance of a year broke up with me...later he relayed to me that he felt guilty for all the time he'd spent with me instead of his mom, even though it's the most natural thing in the world, we were both in our 50s and his mom was healthy at the time.  She never was diagnosed with anything you could presume death, but she died a few months after he broke up with me...he'd quit his job to take care of her around the clock. 

 

 

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So an update,

I sent her mother a text message thanking her for everything they have done for me, told them to reach out if they needed any help and im just a phone call away and said my goodbyes. Ive yet to receive a response and I guess I have to be okay with that. Healing isnt a linear process as I've been told. I don't expect a reply, but if she saw my message, it gives me some sort of closure. Of course I would love to be there for all of them, but considering my ex made it clear she wants nothing to do with me so I must move on and wish them the best. Its a harsh feeling and I am very sorry you had to go through that as well. 

9 hours ago, kayc said:

If you do that, it should not be an ongoing process, thank them and then be done.  (If she lives with her parents, she will see this and may be upset, thinking you're using it as a way to get to her.)  It could make her parents feel awkward too, stuck in the middle, something they don't need right now of all times.  You may have altruistic motives but even so explore them further to see if there could be any other reason behind it.  Nothing about this is simple.

I am very sorry for your loss.  Yes, this is a loss, a grief of a relationship and future you thought you had, all your dreams.  It's one of the hardest things we can go through...been there. 

My fiance of a year broke up with me...later he relayed to me that he felt guilty for all the time he'd spent with me instead of his mom, even though it's the most natural thing in the world, we were both in our 50s and his mom was healthy at the time.  She never was diagnosed with anything you could presume death, but she died a few months after he broke up with me...he'd quit his job to take care of her around the clock. 

 

 

 

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It hurts like crazy esp. since it's a shock at first, also hard to create our own closure when questions and no answers but sometimes we have no choice.

You did well.

https://www.bolde.com/10-ways-create-closure-breakup/

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