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First, I should say, whether it’s normal or not, I feel worse, more heart-broken, more despair and sadness now, then I did when I first lost my wife over 19 months ago.  In other words it is getting WORSE, not better (while I am trying - however  I cannot lie to myself). 
How many of you feel abandoned after the loss of your significant other?
I’ll do my best to explain my feelings and apologies if I am too verbose, but I am confident some of you might empathize and curious if it’s “just me” or what I’m experiencing is normal.  
After my wife of nearly 30 years passed, I was under the impression I had a strong support system.  As a family everyone got along on both sides and we were really close and supportive of one another.  
 But after she passed I noticed that these relationships started fading away. 
None of her friends has checked up on me since the funeral.  It’s so weird they were here almost weekly but now vanished.  I’m lucky to get a response if I reach out to her family, even though when she was alive I would talk to them at a minimum 3-5 times per week.  Now I go months without hearing anything. it’s really weird. 
Honestly sometimes I feel like “damaged goods”. 
It’s interesting because in the past when someone I knew lost a close loved one, you could not keep me away from that person.  I genuinely cared and went out of my way to let that person know I am here for anything ever needed from me.  
In this instance I have seen not everyone (in fact most people) are not like this.  My wife would always say “not everyone is like us” and it’s made me believe there is a strong delineation among people who truly care, vs those who don’t.  
My greatest challenge now is as follows:
1. Due to the fact I invested all my time and energy into my family, not that this has been dissolved I have nothing.  Let it be known I would do it ALL over again, however I have no one I feel I can turn to. 
2. In the next 12 months, I am making a life-changing move. One that is intended to give me purpose and allow me to properly mourn my wife at the same time.  
3. I feel right now as if I  no longer have purpose. Please understand I have a flourishing career and am blessed to make a very generous salary…however that means nothing to me without my wife.  I doubt I would have been 1/4 as successful in my professional life had she not entered my world.  

Okay, this was my little rant. I appreciate you all allowing me to get this off my chest. Once again I have no one else to talk about these feelings to, so I am just throwing it out there. 
In my next post I will detail my plans I alluded to in #2 above (which again is life-changing).  Thank you 

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27 minutes ago, Sad_Widower said:

After my wife of nearly 30 years passed, I was under the impression I had a strong support system.  As a family everyone got along on both sides and we were really close and supportive of one another.  
But after she passed I noticed that these relationships started fading away. 

I’ve experience the exact same thing. My support system, friends and family (in-laws) diminished and faded within a few short months. Basically around the time that I felt I needed them the most. Such a strange phenomenon that happens 🤷🏻‍♀️  I’m now trying to build up a new circle of friends, it’s not that easy though. Many people already have their circle of friends and people still seem to be in their own protective bubble of friends they created during the height of the pandemic.

35 minutes ago, Sad_Widower said:

My wife would always say “not everyone is like us” and it’s made me believe there is a strong delineation among people who truly care, vs those who don’t.

I agree with this, however I feel that some people may still care but feel uncomfortable with the topic of death, dying, loss and grief. So they distance themselves because they don’t have the emotional capacity or the skills to be there for you. And when your life doesn’t match the picture they projected about you, you become obsolete. It’s so sad this is a thing.

48 minutes ago, Sad_Widower said:

Okay, this was my little rant. I appreciate you all allowing me to get this off my chest. Once again I have no one else to talk about these feelings to, so I am just throwing it out there. 

Rant away friend, it’s healthy. This is a place where you are heard, and although each of our situations are different, we understand on some level. I have a therapist I can talk to and vent, and she’s helpful professionally but it’s not like she can truly relate. That’s why a forum like this is so helpful, it sort of like a journal and it’s a great place to let it out. 

57 minutes ago, Sad_Widower said:

In the next 12 months, I am making a life-changing move. One that is intended to give me purpose and allow me to properly mourn my wife at the same time.

I’m super curious to read about this. One does need purpose to move forward from loss, something I’m searching for myself. I wish you many blessings on your life-changing move.

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Sad_Widower, I'm sorry to have to say to you that recently , I've been feeling worse, too. For me, 20 months have passed, similar to you, so perhaps the answer to your question:  "Is it normal?" , is "yes". I have  just come back indoors, after having a good cry outside in our backyard, where my husband and I often sat in these hot summer evenings, chatting and drinking  a glass of wine or two together. I'm just missing him so much, beyond words.  

I understand you  about how friends have suddenly become  strangers, don't call anymore. I've also had this experience, I have been completely alienated, not even a phone call from his ex work colleagues, nothing. How can they be so cruel? I think they just feel awkward and embarrassed and don't know what to say, but it's hurtful. 

I feel the same, it's comforting to be able to pour my heart out here with you all, we all relate and understand each other, you have cone to the right place here. 

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Thank you both so much for your responses.  This is the GOOD side of the Internet. 🙂 I have tried to explain to my family (who see me wrecked) that the best thing for me is to be honest with myself.  I could pretend the best thing is to “start over” which they all want me to do. I’m only 52 and realize I have a lot to offer the world still, so it’s a matter of determining what that is.  
My wife was big on seeing the positives of everything.  As of now, the only “positive” is it has strengthened my faith.  This is the last thing I thought it would do, but again I feel it’s most healthy to accept reality.
i guess in the end, I have come to grips that the person who loved  and care about me more than anyone in the world is now gone.  As most of you know this is an extremely frightening, humbling experience.  Honestly I cannot remember the last time something or someone has upset me since she passed (which I guess is another positive). I’ve been hurt by people but have no malice toward them at all. As my wife said, “life is too short” and boy was she right.  
i will post what my “big plans” are later this evening. I think it’s how I came to this decision that is most interesting and hope you all will as well. Thanks

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Welcome.  I haven't been around to reply lately, but I did read your earlier posts.  I'm sorry you had cause to find us but I'm glad you did.  It's been my observation, backed up by others' reports, that around 18 months after the loss of your beloved, that's when it really kicks your butt.  Something about 18 months is like a closing of a cycle.  I have my theories, but they're not really the point here.  I just remember the excruciating pain that sent me to my knees when I had to admit to myself that this was not just a bad dream and that he was not coming back.  It really, really sucks and there is no way around that.  I'm just a few years younger than you but I have had 5 years to absorb this loss.  I have my moments, and sometimes my hours, but not so many of those days anymore.  It does get softer and less intense, with time, but my grief will never go.   I have said this elsewhere on this site but the angle of the sunlight is one of my signifiers or markers for loss.  His birthday and his death day are opposite each other in the solar year.  The angle of the sunlight on the wall reminds me of that awful day, twice a year.  it's really peculiar how it affects me.  I suppose for as long as I live in this house, I will always notice that. 

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1 hour ago, Sad_Widower said:

As of now, the only “positive” is it has strengthened my faith.  This is the last thing I thought it would do, but again I feel it’s most healthy to accept reality.

That is a positive, a big one. My Michael’s death was so unexpected and I was is such shock for 3 months, I couldn’t even read. So it was a challenge to connect to my faith by reading the bible, couldn’t even pray as my brain was like oatmeal.
So glad to hear this unfortunate situation has strengthened your faith 👍

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I just wanted to add my name to the group that feels more lonely, more despair, more abandoned than I did last year- absolutely the same as you, Sad. 

A lot of it is my fault. I never cultivated friendships when Annette was alive. I didn't want to be with anyone else. I jealousy kept her to myself. She used to have friends and would like to visit with other couples, but as her health and vision started to get worse, she started to become reclusive, and adopted my nature. The last few years of her life, she had pretty much stopped communication with casual friends and I was ok with it- more Annette for me. I never needed friends, but now that I need them, I don't have them.

I also feel nothing matters and no motivation to accomplish anything else in my life. Nothing matters without her love. She gave me so much love and I try to live off of that which I have in my heart, but it's hard. I can feel joy in my heart knowing she's not in pain anymore, that she's free and "living" in spirit- but in my reality, I'm alone and miserable. Except for my Mom and brother, nobody cares about whether I'm alive. So many people in the world, in this town, and I know no one. Just the isolation, knowing I have to live life as a sad lonely man- not able to make friends, no one to live in this life. Why bother? I just wish I could end this life. I'm totally ok with it. I wake up every morning bummed I didn't pass in my sleep. I just have nothing to live for. I'm glad you found something, Sad. I wish you all the best luck. 

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I'm afraid this has no timeline, if anything it seems to have worsened in time, the being and feeling cut off.  A lot of it is due to my kids, I do not get responses and have quit trying after years.  It is weird to feel disregarded now that I am old.  Initially they were there, but that gradually changed.  As for friends, they all disappeared overnight, almost as if they must have been George's friends and not mine!  Yet I know that wasn't entirely true...death seems to be uncomfortable for people and they don't want reminded of their own mortality, which just by my very existence, I remind them of, even if nothing is brought up.

Covid has only served to worsen this.

 

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