Lost my soulmate 3 weeks ago

[V. R.]

I have had  dreams about my beloved, but I only remember a couple of them,both very strange. A few nights ago I dreamed that he had come back and I was telling him how I had been looking after his car and that I had washed it twice. Can't remember what happened after but I'm sure the dream continued. Another time I dreamed that he had suddenly reappeared with a big smile on his face, saying that it was all a big mistake, and that he hadn't gone, after all! We then hugged each other tightly, crying, and he was sorry that he had caused us so much pain for nothing. 

4 hours ago, jathas said:

However, about 9-10 hours after he had passed, the light on my charger started flashing blue and green at the same 

I experienced strange behaviour on my mobile phone the morning after my husband's funeral. I was just about to switch it on, when suddenly it just switched itself on without me even touching it. Then once, while I was in my laundry room loading the washing machine, I suddenly broke down, sobbing, screaming, having one of my  "grief fits", crying out to my husband:  "Where are you?". I looked up and the light bulb flickered, I asked again, and yet again another flicker. I stopped and waited a while, it didn't flicker anymore. I wonder...... I've always been skeptical about spiritualism but I don't really know now. I would love to believe that our soulmates are here with us sending us signs, who knows,but even as I say this, I find it hard to believe. 

[jathas]

47 minutes ago, V. R. said:

I've always been skeptical about spiritualism but I don't really know now. I would love to believe that our soulmates are here with us sending us signs, who knows,but even as I say this, I find it hard to believe. 

I've always been the same way...very skeptical.  There's just no way to prove or disprove that this sort of thing is real.  I just can't help but remind myself that my phone charger that I've had for 2 whole years has NEVER done this until after my husband passed.  Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but I know that we need to be open to receiving signs in order to pick up on them.  Also, the day after he passed, as I was scrolling through Facebook, I saw an ad that made me stop dead in my tracks.  It was an ad for a T-shirt that said, "Husband and wife - not always eye to eye, but always heart to heart - a bond that can never be broken."  I've never seen that ad before and I haven't seen it again since, and if there's one thing I've noticed, it's that almost all Facebook ads are repetitive and you'll see them over and over until you hide them.  This T-shirt ad was the EXACT sort of post that my husband would have shared with me on Facebook when he was alive.  He always shared that mushy stuff with me.  I took a screenshot of it on my phone so I can always have it.   The message I took away from that post was that we have an eternal bond that can never be broken - even by death.

[MartyT]

After Death Communication

After Death Communication: A List of Resources

After Death Communication, Continued

❤️

[Boho-Soul]

1 hour ago, jathas said:

Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but I know that we need to be open to receiving signs in order to pick up on them. 

Could be wishful thinking, Hollywood loves to promote sentimental thinking. And then, the impression that's left to the world is that the dead can observe people or loved ones on earth, and perhaps have powers of influence. I guess it all comes down to what one believes, and/or what you give meaning to. 

I haven't experienced anything that suggests my loved one is present, although that's due to my beliefs and faith in God. I don't believe in spiritualism, or beliefs that buys into supposed communications with the spirits of the dead. As a Christ follower my husband and I believe that we are souls visiting this earth and our final destination is Heaven. When we die we are home with our maker, so it's hard to imagine souls in Heaven want to spend time looking towards earth at all the suffering that's happening when we've arrived at our final home with God in Heaven. As well, I don't believe that a soul develops super powers once they die and have the ability to affect electricity or make a butterfly cross ones path.

Hope that didn't com across as preachy, not my intention. Just sharing my thoughts on life.

I do believe that we all have souls in our earthly bodies, and that souls connect, whether it's through friendships or something deeper like romantic relationships. I call that a soul-tie. To me, people are energetic beings, so if we've made a soul tie with someone, when they die we feel that energetically. And when a loved one dies that separation of our soul-tie causes a wound and intense pain, maybe that's part of ones grief.

[jathas]

10 minutes ago, Boho-Soul said:

To me, people are energetic beings, so if we've made a soul tie with someone, when they die we feel that energetically. And when a loved one dies that separation of our soul-tie causes a wound and intense pain, maybe that's part of ones grief.

This is so true.  Ever since my husband passed, I have NOT been able to stay up nearly as late as I always used to.   Prior to his passing, I was a night owl to the core.  I've been that way since my late teens/very early 20s.  I wouldn't go to bed until 4-5 in the morning most nights.  I would be up all night working (I'm self-employed) and doing other things.  Now, since losing my husband, I just have NO energy left and can barely make it past midnight.   I truly feel that my energy has been depleted since he passed.

[nashreed]

I know that I look forward to going to bed mostly because any dream is better and more interesting than my life here. I have no interest in staying up past 9- sad, I know. If I'm out with my brother once in a while, we'll be out until 2, coming back from L.A. or somewhere. It throws off my schedule and I don't like it. I hate my boring routine but I hate when my boring routine is disrupted. 

I keep thinking of a lyric to a song by one of Annette's absolute favorites- Leonard Cohen. The song is called "Tower Of Song" and the premise is that all of these living and dead musicians have to live in a tower together, as punishment perhaps, in a  purgatory, and the lyric is "I asked Hank Williams, how lonely does it get? Hank Williams hasn't answered yet". I can tell you that there can't be many people lonelier than me. How is it that even when Annette and I were fighting or not talking or I was at work, I never felt alone- but now I feel so alone, like an alien (E.T.!) dropped off by accident. I don't belong here without her. 

[V. R.]

My sleep patterns have changed drastically, too. I only get a few hours' sleep, I've suddenly become an early bird, often up at 5 or 6am. This morning is unusually late, up at 7.30. I spend my days waiting for the sun to go down  (especially now we're having frying hot temperatures) just to get another day over and done with. 

Wishing you all a goodnight. 

 

[Sad_Widower]

Jathas,

As I read more about your story I feel we share a lot of similarities. In that we are both middle-age(ish) who lost a longtime soulmate.  I went from living at home to college (I was living in a fraternity house when I met my wife). We too moved in together within two month of dating (she has just turned 18) so while we were not married, we might as well have been as we lived like a married couple. 
One of the things that does comfort me is knowing that we met almost all our goals.  By that when we were younger we talked about having a family, living a comfortable life, living in our dream home etc.  
As I reflect…we did that.  We had two beautiful children (after concerns we could not have children at one point).  I had a flourishing career. She was publically known (for good things) yet we had the level of privacy nothing was ever effected.  As we aged we increased our standard of living until by the time our kids started middle school, we moved in to our dream home, in the number one ranked school district I. Our state (very important to us) and essentially planned to live out the rest of our lives in this home. 
So what we missed out on were our golden years, which we were very excited about. We did have some stressors in our lives l, which we had overcome and were looking forward to celebrating that in the coming years at the time of her passing.  
We always felt we were a special couple in that our commitment to one another was so strong. We realized no many who were together from such a young age as we had been stayed together, so each year on our anniversary we would always talk about how we beat the odds.  
I will never forget about a week before her passing I was talking with her in the phone at lunch (as we did daily).  Everything was going so good for us, and I told her it was because God was blessing us.  I truly feel we were a “righteous” couple in that we were supportive of our community, charitable, sacrificed for our children so they could have the best of everything, and genuinely made concentrated efforts to be the best people we could be.  In my mind I felt we could only be rewarded for this, which is one reason I struggled so much when she passed.  Was I being punished, or her, or both? I still don’t know the answer 
What I do know is that as good of a person I have always commuted myself to be, this is  the most humbling experience of my life.   1/2 of me feels that I somehow offended God, and this is the cross I bear (which I will accept and pray for forgiveness) and the other half feels there is a purpose for this happening and I need to seize the purpose. It’s something I am cognizant of daily and am sure I will find the answer. 
To that end I have essentially decided to leave the life I currently have, and spend the rest of my days serving fellow man. I know it sounds corny/cliche’ but I am sincere in this. It is so important to me to reflect on my life and be proud of how I conducted myself and I truly believe the reason we each exist is to somehow support and love one another.  Again, I know  it sounds cheesy, but I have realized I am actually in a position to do this.  I feel my sole purpose of existence is to earn my right to be reunited with her and to properly mourn her and ensure the memory of how she affected others it not forgotten.  
So…as you progress through this, my only suggestion is to be thinking of your “purpose”.  You most likely will hit that “I just don’t care anymore about anything” stage (I certainly have). If you do…that can be a positive in that true self-awareness can compel you to think “this is a critical stage for me so I need to truly act without fear of anything.”
I hope much of this makes sense.  I feel blessed you have joined us and truly hope you continue to dialogue as it is a long process and you most like still in the initial shock stage. For me once that wore off is when my life became hell.  Nothing I ever Iminagined Jin my wildest dreams would happen but it did, so I deal with it, from my heart. I owe that to myself….and imagine you will realize you do as well.  

[kayc]

Did anyone look at the articles Marty posted?

Here is another...
Signs/messages

[jathas]

15 hours ago, Sad_Widower said:

What I do know is that as good of a person I have always commuted myself to be, this is  the most humbling experience of my life.   1/2 of me feels that I somehow offended God

This is exactly how I am feeling.  I keep asking over and over what I ever did to deserve this.  I'm only 40 years old and my husband had just turned 52 the same month he passed.  Neither he or I deserve this.  We should have had decades ahead of us together.  I feel totally robbed.  You are so right.  This is THE MOST humbling experience I have ever been through in my entire life, and it hasn't even been a full month for me yet.   We were together for 22 years, but only actually married for 12 of those years, but it was as though we were married the entire time because we always lived together, paid the bills together, bought cars and homes together, etc.

The one thing that I am proud of is that I was ALWAYS there for my husband throughout all of his health struggles over the years.  He hated it when I used to nag him about taking better care of himself, quitting smoking, eating better, etc. but I still did it because I love him and was so worried about him.  Whenever I would bring it up, no matter what approach I took, he would either shut down or it would turn into an argument and I would have to walk away out of frustration.  I did anything I could possibly do to try and help him improve the quality of his life (really OUR life).  I was his voice, his advocate.  Even though I didn't attend most of his medical appointments because I had to work, I was VERY involved in his healthcare.  I always spoke with his various healthcare providers on the phone, made phone calls and sent electronic portal messages to his providers for him because I always knew exactly what to say if he was having an issue or needed something.  Whenever he was in the hospital, I always called at least a couple of times per day for updates on his condition.   Despite his many years of significant health issues, I never gave up on him.  Yes, there were many times where I got frustrated with our situation and the nonstop ailments that he had and I sometimes took that frustration out on him, but I didn't mean to.  It just happened and I needed to vent.  I was committed to him to the core.  I didn't care if he had no arms or legs and was just a torso and a head.  I would STILL love him.  I loved him more than anything in this world and would have never left his side and always did everything he ever asked of me and then some.  When he was dealing with that awful diabetic foot wound the last 2-3 months of his life and he had a visiting nurse who came to our home to perform wound care and bandage changes 3 times a week, I was always right there doing it myself on the days that the nurse didn't come.  I was all gloved up, removing his old bandage from the day before, cleaning his wound, packing it, medicating it, and wrapping it.  His doctors actually said I did a better job than the nurse!  I wasn't grossed out by it (my husband and I were both paramedics years ago, so used to that stuff).  At first, my husband was worried that I would "freak out" when I saw how bad it was after he had come home from the hospital after having multiple surgical debridements on it and having some infected bones removed because they were causing him to be septic.  It never once bothered me and he was SO relieved by that and thanked me profusely for taking care of him.  He was my husband and I would do anything for him.  I know for a fact that he would have done it for me.  That is something I know I can be proud of.  

Now, I feel like I've lost my sense of purpose.  I spent so many years taking care of him (don't get me wrong - he very much took care of me as well), but I was almost always doing something for him and now...nothing.  I miss all of the little things that were seemingly so insignificant when he was alive, such as filling up his water bottle for him, making him sandwiches, putting his laundry in the dryer for him, walking our dogs, going out for coffee, taking breaks from our work just to go outside and talk, etc.  I got a necklace that has our initials on it and it says "always and forever."  I MISS HIM SO MUCH!!!!  😥

[MartyT]

In Grief: After Caregiving Ends: Who Am I?  ❤️

[Sad_Widower]

10 hours ago, jathas said:

The one thing that I am proud of is that I was ALWAYS there for my husband throughout all of his health struggles over the years.  

😥

Jathas, be on the lookout for a separate post I will put together later tonight.  This is yet more similarities we share.  My wife battled sickness unlike I ever imagined a person could, and I want post about the surviving “care-giver” perspective.  In a way, due to her situation being so unique, it helped as it garnered a lot of attention from the medical community.  Doctor from all over the nation were either treating or partnering with those who were. In fact she had some of the most unique procedures executed on her, she spent over two years out of town, and literally 11 months straight in the hospital (I never knew someone could “live” in a hospital like that).  This, during the time our kids were 15 and 16…so I juggled a lot.  All the while it placed stressors on us, but we were cognizant that these types of situations and tear families apart, so we remained committed working through it and we did.  
Anyway, I imagine there are quite a few care-givers for deceased significant others who have a story so will share mine in a subsequent post and look forward to hearing about others’ experiences. 
 

finally sometimes it helps to learn about what others have endured as often we can feel like what we are enduring—no one else has.  
My best friend passed away at 30 years old. His wife at the time was 27, and she had been widowed TWICE. I cannot fathom what this can do to a person at such a young age, so I always think about her (even before my burden) to help with my gratitude.
Thanks again I hope this forum is serving as an outlet for you. People on here genuinely do care so keep dialoguing as you feel comfortable.  

[kayc]

Marty's article is good, I hope you read it. 

I took care of my husband as best as I could but we didn't know until that fateful weekend that he would die.  It was a shock.  It all made sense, why he'd let things go the last few months, why he was so tired, everything.  Neither of us had known.  I wonder if he suspected...

[scba]

12 hours ago, Sad_Widower said:

 
My best friend passed away at 30 years old. His wife at the time was 27, and she had been widowed TWICE. I cannot fathom what this can do to a person at such a young age.

That's my story. We were on our 30s.  What it can do to a person at such a young age, there are no words. I have no words to describe my journey after 8 years. Basically you have no tools to deal with it. I look back and I cannot believe I have survived and have walked the grief path. That's why I always tell the same to the new members. Trust you will survive this.

[jathas]

4 hours ago, kayc said:

Marty's article is good, I hope you read it. 

I took care of my husband as best as I could but we didn't know until that fateful weekend that he would die.  It was a shock.  It all made sense, why he'd let things go the last few months, why he was so tired, everything.  Neither of us had known.  I wonder if he suspected...

This is what I suspect happened with my husband.  He really let his health go, especially over the last couple of years.  Also, in the several weeks before he passed, he kept telling me how much he loved me and how much he appreciated everything I had done and was doing for him.  He also expressed similar things to our best friend, telling her what an amazing friend she is, etc., and neither of us thought much of it at the time.  We thought he was just being extra gushy.   He would say things to me like, "I love you to the moon and back."  We ALWAYS said "I love you" to each other several times a day, but in the weeks to month or so before he passed, he REALLY layered it on thick with the "I love yous" and repeatedly expressing his appreciation.  I really wonder if he had just given up and he knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer.  I wish I would have picked up on the signs.  I don't know what I would have been able to do, but it just breaks my heart and brings me to tears thinking back on it and reading his old texts from before he passed expressing his profound love and appreciation to me.  

After he passed, I went into his medical records and saw where doctors had advised him several times that he really needed to have a below-knee amputation because his foot wound was very serious.  They warned him that he could become septic again and it could be a life-threatening situation.  Looking back (and I have a strong medical background), I think he was highly septic at the time of his passing.  There was a foul spoiled fish-like smell coming from his foot wound (although the visiting nurse and doctors had all said it was looking better) and he was CONSTANTLY freezing, even though it was 80-85 degrees outside, he was VERY weak and tired, and he had quite a bit of diarrhea.  He also could NOT get his blood sugars up no matter what he ate or if he didn't take his insulin.  The ER note from when he passed said he was in severe metabolic acidosis, which can happen from sepsis.   I wonder if he had taken the advice of the doctors and had the amputation done if he would still be here.  I KNOW that he was hell-bent on keeping the foot.  He did NOT want to be an amputee like his mother was.  I also don't think he would have been strong enough to use a prosthesis with all of his spine issues and other chronic health issues.  He was in very poor physical shape.  The entire situation breaks my heart and I miss him so much that I at times feel physically sick.

[jathas]

2 hours ago, scba said:

That's my story. We were on our 30s.  What it can do to a person at such a young age, there are no words. I have no words to describe my journey after 8 years. Basically you have no tools to deal with it. I look back and I cannot believe I have survived and have walked the grief path. That's why I always tell the same to the new members. Trust you will survive this.

Thank you so much for sharing this.  I am only 40 and my husband had turned 52 just 3 weeks before he passed, so much too young to be dealing with something like this.   It has been almost a full month since he passed and I don't know how I have made it through this month.  I literally have NO IDEA how I've survived this month without him.  Thank GOD for our best friend, who has been coming over every single evening since he passed and getting me out of the house a bit.  It helps that she loved him (as a best friend) as much as I loved him as a husband, so I have someone to share the grief with.  She's been our best friend for 21 years, so I am SO fortunate to have her.  She's a good bit older than my husband and I (64), but she has ALWAYS been our best friend (really more like family).  She also lost her mother last August, both of her brothers within months of each other in 2020, her sister in 2012, her nephew in 2003, and her youngest son in 2000 or 2001, and her husband of 20+ years (who was a severe alcoholic) walked out on her 10 years ago right after her sister passed, so she is a grief expert and has been a SIGNIFICANT help to me  She is helping me pack up our house in preparation for my move into the new house next month.  This has been the single most traumatic experience I have EVER been through in my entire life.  Nothing could have ever prepared me to lose my husband at such a young age.  We had SO much to look forward to with our brand new house that we had just gone under contract on and we were both SO excited about our future together in our new home, which we had both worked so hard for.  I'm still going through with purchasing the home, but it's going to be VERY difficult doing it without him.  It was supposed to be OUR home.  This was OUR plan and OUR goal and we had JUST reached it and then he passed days after having our offer accepted and signing the purchase and sales agreement.  I can't even think about it without crying.  Ironically, the seller of the house worked with my husband and we didn't even realize it until after he had passed.  She, too, lost her husband 10 years ago and, just like my husband, her husband was also originally from Boston.  Fate?  Divine intervention?  Purely coincidence?  I have no idea.

Ever since he passed, I have woken up every single morning in tears because I immediately realize that he's not here and the anxiety and sadness hit me like a ton of bricks.  Waking up every morning and coming to that realization is like losing him all over again.  

[V. R.]

Jathas, your posts are so touching, I do hope you are able to find a little comfort here , sharing your feelings with us, we're all with you, we relate and understand exactly what you are going through. 

Sending you a warm hug. 

[kayc]

I'm glad you have your friend there helping, can make all the difference in the world!

Ketoacidosis is very serious and kills, as does sepsis, so it's no wonder he didn't make it.   I am so sorry, we are left with these unanswered questions, wondering...

 

[jathas]

2 hours ago, kayc said:

I'm glad you have your friend there helping, can make all the difference in the world!

Ketoacidosis is very serious and kills, as does sepsis, so it's no wonder he didn't make it.   I am so sorry, we are left with these unanswered questions, wondering...

 

He actually wasn't in diabetic ketoacidosis, but metabolic acidosis as a result of severe septicemia from his diabetic foot wound.  He was showing signs of infection for weeks (freezing when it was 80 degrees in his office, diarrhea, lethargy, etc.), but did not seek medical attention until it was too late.  In fact, during the last several weeks to month that he was alive, he was constantly hypoglycemic and could not get his sugars to come up no matter what.   He had many things going on at once, unfortunately.  

[kayc]

Everything I read on it tells me its the same thing.

[Sheemie]

I so relate to your story. My husband passed at 52. He too had diabetes and caught covid 2 years into it. I was so dumb. I only heard of mild cases and I could not fathom my 52 years young husband would die from it. He was gone away from me working halfway across country. He went to Er. Found out was Covid. See we thought it was his diabetes because he often was ill feeling. The Dr's told him to quarantine and he went into a hotel room of all places. He was so good about the covid rules he did not go around anyone. A week later he went back to Er and was put in intensive care with low oxygen. I did not even know that was what covid does, that u can't breathe. I drove there. The hospital would not let me in and after few days convinced me to return home stating his oxygen levels were fine and he just had to be there to quarantine. We went home about 1.5 to 2 day drive without stopping to stay. Like as soon as I got home they told me that they are wanting to tube him. I lost it drove back down there. They still would not let me in. I had to say goodbye through glass while he was in a coma. The morning that they called me in he went into cardiac arrest and they kept trying and he kept arresting again. The guilt about killed me. I wish I flew down there and got him out of there. I constantly think anything that could have happened differently it eats me up. It's not our fault. Of course we did best we could. I am still suffering from after loss issues but u know every death is horrible my point is I don't blame myself today but tomorrow I might and yesterday I did.

[nashreed]

I am so sorry Sheemie. I lost my wife to Diabetes. There were other factors at play, but it all began with Diabetes. Annette wrote me a breakup letter,  some 33 years ago now, and what really stands out to me from it is that even then, so young, she wrote "Diabetes is hell" (she referenced it as a contributing factor in her moodiness and issues, as she was struggling with it at the time). 

I have such guilt that I should have done more for her. Why didn't I force her to use a wearable insulin pump. She took pride in her control of it, but she just couldn't do it anymore and I was in denial. I never, never wanted to get on her about her weight, to make her feel bad about herself. We did the best we could at the time, but made so many mistakes. Sometimes I don't feel guilt (because I know she wouldn't want me to), but most days I do- so I know exactly what you're feeling. I have felt all the stages of grief all in one day at times, still feeling them in random order, constantly. There is no order to it. 

I have thoughts of us trying to navigate COVID together (Annette passed only two months into it, but we were already sick of wearing masks to her appointments). I couldn't visit her in the hospital when she had her last stay there, and important things happened then that I never got answers to because of damn COVID. I'm just glad she didn't get it ever. Her worst fear was not being able to breathe and I don't know how I would have protected her. I am so very sorry. Why is life so unfair. Good, beautiful people pass away so young and yet pieces of human garbage like a certain former president lives on and on. 

[Sad_Widower]

I wanted to respond to the topic of spiritualism discussed above. 
First, I feel it’s an extremely personal choice. One thing I offer is I respect all religions/choices.  Nor do I believe it is my job to “save souls” or anything like that. 
I have never pushed my religious beliefs on anyone, and in fact have never talked publicly about them.  However in this instance I’d like to, so you can understand from a “believers” standpoint where I am coming from.  
As for evidence referenced earlier, I’ve always believed there is more evidence of there being an afterlife than not.  In other words miracles have been documented.  Doesn’t mean they are all true but they have been documented. 

For me to explain my belief’s, you have to accept an existence of separateness from our reality. Some religions refer to it as Atman, others as a Soul…but the net-net is what makes us, us…is more than our flesh and blood.  We are a being that does not die with the body. 

My personal belief—at it’s highest level—is what you believe will happen to you, is what will happen.  Meaning if you don’t believe in the afterlife, you might not take part in it.  However, if you truly believe in your heart that there is afterlife, than it may be presented to you. This is called faith. 

Next, I feel our world is made up purely of energy. Everything is energy.  With the strongest energy being love. In other words everytbing that exists can be referenced back to the energy of love.  

This takes us to reuniting with loved ones, again it’s a two-way street.  I personally don’t envision a heaven where you go up and there is all your family from generations passed.  HOWEVER, I do believe if you have a soulmate (that being another soul that has merged with yours) you will have the same connection (or stronger) with them when you are both in the afterlife as you did  in the human life.   I. Other words the souls merge again.  
This assuming your soulmate believes in this as well. My wife and I, although we came from completely separate religions, what we did wholeheartedly believe is that there is an afterlife and if you share love with someone you can share the afterlife with them.  

All i can tell you is I know it is possible.  Not that I believe, but instead I know. Think of it like this. Let’s say that my wife and I talked about if one of us should pass early, how we would communicate and show signs that we are aware of each other.  What if we said sometning like “at the beginning of the new moon”, go outside at midnight and stare at the sky and I will try to make my image appear to you in the sky.  
And, on the first moon I did just that, and I saw briefly saw her image.  First, would I tell anyone? Of course not. First no one would believe me, and most would think my mind is just playing tricks on me.  So I keep it to myself.  I question “is my
mind playing tricks on me?” perhaps…but it never has before in any walk of life, and in every aspect of life I am lucid and sane. 
So am I crazy…OR could it be that what the scriptures I follow simply turn out to be true? Whether her image was really there or not, I saw it.  That is all that matters to me.  From there I go from believing to KNOWING.  
We hear about these type things all the time, but people dismiss it. Why is that? Again, this goes back to more evidence there is an afterlife vs not being. 

With this said, no the example of looking up in the sky did not happen to me. I will say instead, something that I consider MORE amazing happened to me (twice in fact). Enough for me to literally fall to my knees and say “Oh my God, we DO have a connection”.  Without going in to detail (as I don’t expect anyone to even believe me) I’ll just say these were beyond life changing events for me.

This is where I feel I am blessed beyond belief.  I don’t “hope” I can be reunited, or “believe” we can.  In my mind, just as surely as I know I’m typing this post…I KNOW it.  I cannot express what it means to me.  Note: not saying we WILL, just the possibility exists.  This is why I am beyond adament spending the rest of my days making myself worthy of this.    

I’m all in…and dedicated to being the most the type of person I believe will make me worthy. 

I figure it’s better that, then thinking “well, I’m not convinced…if it happens it happens”.   

Again, my only intentions here are to explain my beliefs, certainly not to sway yours.  For I believe so strongly I cannot relate to what it’s like not believing.  My only suggestion to people is…do not close the door on anything being possible. Just like I am open to any evidence that there is NOT an afterlife, it’s equally important to be open to evidence there is.  In other words sometimes thing…throughout the history  the world, the VAST majority of people felt there was an afterlife (this is a fact).  So is that “well, I know there is not and so zillions and zillions of people were wrong and so know the truth?” Or…maybe there IS something to this.   For those who keep an open mind, each person figures i out form themselves—one way or the other.  

Once again what this won’t turn in to us a debate or me trying to sway anyone’s current line of thinking…please know this.  Instead it’s just me explaining mine.   🙂

[nashreed]

Sad,

I am absolutely intrigued by your post. I am someone who believes in an afterlife. I don't know if it's a religious Heaven that we go to (coincidentally, on my Spotify an obscure Dolly Parton song called "There" about Heaven came on). The only thing I have been absolutely sure of my entire life is that when Annette passed, she would be in Heaven- whatever that entails. 

I have been visited by Annette once in a dream- only once. It was very real and I believe it was her, not just a dream. Unfortunately, my mind is such a schizoid mess and my dreams are complicated and convoluted. I don't think Annette could get through if she wanted to or if she tried, and it breaks my heart- but I can't clear my mind. I have the attention span of a gnat, and wouldn't be able to meditate if my life depended on it. I believe I'm not able to "receive" any messages she might be able to send. 

I would certainly believe your amazing life changing experiences, but understand if they're too personal to explain. I admire you greatly, as I feel that I'm not a good person. I'm not a bad person, but I'm selfish and don't go out of my way to do "good". Am I deserving of Heaven? I really don't know. The further out from Annette's passing, the worse person I become. Do I not love her enough? It's all very difficult to sort out. 

I have faith and I know I will be with Annette again (although doubting my worthiness is the same as sometimes feeling not guilty but mostly feeling tremendous guilt about not being a better caregiver). My big fear is that Annette will be mad or disappointed in me when I do see her. I want to be a better person, to make her proud, but being weak and lazy is a character flaw that is hard to shake. 

Thank you for your post. 

[Boho-Soul]

1 hour ago, nashreed said:

I'm selfish and don't go out of my way to do "good". Am I deserving of Heaven? I really don't know.

Interesting question nashreed. I'm not posting to proselytize or create a debate, I'm just stating my options and beliefs. 

I believe that doing good cannot get us into Heaven. Our salvation is not something we can accomplish by doing or being good. None of us could ever gain enough merit to deserve Heaven. I believe our salvation and passage to Heaven depends solely on the great work of Jesus Christ. In my faith no one will be turned away from heaven as long as they have faith and believe in God the Son, or Jesus, then they will have eternal life with him in Heaven. At the time of our death God asks, “Did you believe in my Son for salvation?” If one had faith and believed, then their soul will be welcomed into Heaven. I also believe God shows love, mercy and compassion for those who did not have faith.

Also believe we don’t have to worry about feeling out of place in heaven. We’ll be one big family. It is uniquely designed by a tender, loving Savior to be the place where we will live together for all eternity. We'll have new bodies, so all the afflictions we have here on earth will be no more, we’ll be made new. I believe this wholeheartedly.