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Consumed by guilt over accidentally killing pet


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My guilt is killing me inside. I accidentally gave my sweet kitty too much of her flea medicine. My 17 year old kitty had been getting the same revolution plus for years and I never noticed any problems. She did have diabetes and heart failure and was on insulin, diuretic and plavix. She had been losing some weight recently and I didn’t think of her medication being too strong. I realized it this month that she probably shouldn’t get a full dose so I just tried to give her some of the tube. (I ignorantly didn’t realize all the side effects of her flea med) She got some of a dose on Wednesday and then on Thursday was acting weird like she couldn’t poop. We took her to the vet and they checked her blood sugar and gave her an enema for stool that appeared stuck in her colon. The next day she wasn’t acting right. Meowing like she was in pain, trying to get outside when she was an indoor kitty and never went outside. Could barley stand and kept falling. We took her back to the vet and he said she was shutting down. Her temp was low and her prognosis was grim. We said goodbye. 💔 We thought maybe she had a blood clot due to her heart failure but I was skeptical. The next day I was cleaning and noticed the flea medicine I had just recently given her. Googled it and was just devastated. I had no idea what I was giving her could of been the issue. Looking back she had plenty of the signs. Lethargy, dilated pupils, hypothermia, extreme weakness and trouble walking. I didn’t make the connection and the vet didn’t either.  Now I’m completely heartbroken knowing I gave her the medicine and if we would of figured out what was the cause she maybe could of been saved.  I called my vet back and told him what I thought happened and he didn’t think that was the cause. Told me the safety trials and that had been tested. He concluded that she has so many problems and that it wasn’t her flea medication. I know it poisoned her and I’m devastated.  My poor sweetie. I loved her so much and would of done anything for her. She was older and not the healthiest so I knew she wouldn’t be with me forever but the way she went and how fast was just devastating.  I can’t believe I was the cause. I can’t forgive myself for being so stupid- for one giving her the medicine and another for not figuring it out in time to save her. My heart has a hold in it. My poor Buttercup 💔

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I am so very sorry for your loss, Ellenmarie ~ but I must say that, given what you've described, it seems to me that your beloved Buttercup already had reached (or was reaching) the end of her natural life. Whether the flea medication speeded things along we cannot know, but you say your vet didn't think so, and I see no reason why you cannot take that professional opinion to heart. I understand that you read about side effects on Google, but Dr. Google doesn't know your cat the way your vet does, and at her advanced age (17) it is more likely that (as your vet said) her body was shutting down and she was getting ready to leave. I know my words will do little to comfort you now, and they won't erase the guilt you're feeling either. But guilt is a FEELING, not a FACT ~ and just because you're feeling guilty, it does not follow that you are, in fact, guilty as charged. I encourage you to do some reading about guilt and forgiveness ~ and I hope that one day soon you will find it in your heart to forgive yourself for being human ~ as I'm sure your Buttercup has done already. ❤️

Pet Loss: When Guilt Overshadows Grief

In Grief: When Pet Loss Feels Worse Than Person Loss

 

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Thank you❤️ I appreciate your words. I’m just devastated and I know she was towards the end of her life but she had been doing pretty good. It was all so sudden. I also feel like since she was older and had health problems my vet didn’t investigate or ask many questions. I do regret now putting her down and feel like we should of given her a couple days to see if she improved but we were afraid she was suffering.  Thank you again for your kind words. 

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3 hours ago, ellenmarie said:

I do regret now putting her down and feel like we should of given her a couple days to see if she improved but we were afraid she was suffering.

Sometimes we mistake prolonging an animal companion's life with prolonging their dying. You chose the most compassionate and humane alternative. Now Buttercup's suffering has ended, and yours has just begun. This exchange of suffering ~ hers for your own ~ is your final and most selfless act of love for her . . . 

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I ditto what Marty wrote completely, your vet denied this was the cause and I would go with it...feelings are not fact.  I realize we can't talk you out of your feelings, but I do hope you will consider forgiving yourself what you consider this to be.

In addition to what Marty posted, I wanted to give you these to consider as well...

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html
It is not our grief that binds us to them, it is our love, and it continues still.

I hope this brings you some comfort and peace:

 

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