ellenmarie Posted July 21, 2022 Report Share Posted July 21, 2022 My guilt is killing me inside. I accidentally gave my sweet kitty too much of her flea medicine. My 17 year old kitty had been getting the same revolution plus for years and I never noticed any problems. She did have diabetes and heart failure and was on insulin, diuretic and plavix. She had been losing some weight recently and I didn’t think of her medication being too strong. I realized it this month that she probably shouldn’t get a full dose so I just tried to give her some of the tube. (I ignorantly didn’t realize all the side effects of her flea med) She got some of a dose on Wednesday and then on Thursday was acting weird like she couldn’t poop. We took her to the vet and they checked her blood sugar and gave her an enema for stool that appeared stuck in her colon. The next day she wasn’t acting right. Meowing like she was in pain, trying to get outside when she was an indoor kitty and never went outside. Could barley stand and kept falling. We took her back to the vet and he said she was shutting down. Her temp was low and her prognosis was grim. We said goodbye. 💔 We thought maybe she had a blood clot due to her heart failure but I was skeptical. The next day I was cleaning and noticed the flea medicine I had just recently given her. Googled it and was just devastated. I had no idea what I was giving her could of been the issue. Looking back she had plenty of the signs. Lethargy, dilated pupils, hypothermia, extreme weakness and trouble walking. I didn’t make the connection and the vet didn’t either. Now I’m completely heartbroken knowing I gave her the medicine and if we would of figured out what was the cause she maybe could of been saved. I called my vet back and told him what I thought happened and he didn’t think that was the cause. Told me the safety trials and that had been tested. He concluded that she has so many problems and that it wasn’t her flea medication. I know it poisoned her and I’m devastated. My poor sweetie. I loved her so much and would of done anything for her. She was older and not the healthiest so I knew she wouldn’t be with me forever but the way she went and how fast was just devastating. I can’t believe I was the cause. I can’t forgive myself for being so stupid- for one giving her the medicine and another for not figuring it out in time to save her. My heart has a hold in it. My poor Buttercup 💔 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 21, 2022 Report Share Posted July 21, 2022 I am so very sorry for your loss, Ellenmarie ~ but I must say that, given what you've described, it seems to me that your beloved Buttercup already had reached (or was reaching) the end of her natural life. Whether the flea medication speeded things along we cannot know, but you say your vet didn't think so, and I see no reason why you cannot take that professional opinion to heart. I understand that you read about side effects on Google, but Dr. Google doesn't know your cat the way your vet does, and at her advanced age (17) it is more likely that (as your vet said) her body was shutting down and she was getting ready to leave. I know my words will do little to comfort you now, and they won't erase the guilt you're feeling either. But guilt is a FEELING, not a FACT ~ and just because you're feeling guilty, it does not follow that you are, in fact, guilty as charged. I encourage you to do some reading about guilt and forgiveness ~ and I hope that one day soon you will find it in your heart to forgive yourself for being human ~ as I'm sure your Buttercup has done already. ❤️ Pet Loss: When Guilt Overshadows Grief In Grief: When Pet Loss Feels Worse Than Person Loss 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellenmarie Posted July 21, 2022 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2022 Thank you❤️ I appreciate your words. I’m just devastated and I know she was towards the end of her life but she had been doing pretty good. It was all so sudden. I also feel like since she was older and had health problems my vet didn’t investigate or ask many questions. I do regret now putting her down and feel like we should of given her a couple days to see if she improved but we were afraid she was suffering. Thank you again for your kind words. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 22, 2022 Report Share Posted July 22, 2022 3 hours ago, ellenmarie said: I do regret now putting her down and feel like we should of given her a couple days to see if she improved but we were afraid she was suffering. Sometimes we mistake prolonging an animal companion's life with prolonging their dying. You chose the most compassionate and humane alternative. Now Buttercup's suffering has ended, and yours has just begun. This exchange of suffering ~ hers for your own ~ is your final and most selfless act of love for her . . . 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 22, 2022 Report Share Posted July 22, 2022 I ditto what Marty wrote completely, your vet denied this was the cause and I would go with it...feelings are not fact. I realize we can't talk you out of your feelings, but I do hope you will consider forgiving yourself what you consider this to be. In addition to what Marty posted, I wanted to give you these to consider as well... http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdfhttp://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtmlhttp://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htmhttps://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.htmlIt is not our grief that binds us to them, it is our love, and it continues still. I hope this brings you some comfort and peace: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellenmarie Posted July 22, 2022 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2022 Thank you Kayc❤️ I appreciate the words and links to the resources. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butters Mom Posted October 24, 2022 Report Share Posted October 24, 2022 @ellenmarieI know it has been 3 months since this post but your story and feelings are almost identical to mine; even similar names. I lost my 17 year old cat, Butters, just four days ago and have been toggling between feelings of guilt and grief. I had been treating him for 3 years for chronic kidney disease. Twice daily meds, fluids daily, then twice a day near the end. In his last few months he had been a battling a bad case of pancreatitis. He had an ultrasound to ensure there was nothing else going on (no cancer but his heart lining was thickened). He was on tons of medication including strong pain killers and strong doses of steroids. His dehydration was at an all-time high. It got to the point that I was syringe feeding him. Then finally the steroids kicked in and he was eating more and on his own. Steroids, however, can cause other issues and he developed a respiratory infection, and he couldn't sniff his food so he stopped eating. My vet gave him Azithromycin. He just got worse after that. He was so weak, and his back legs were getting weaker. He would stumble. I had stupidly assumed it was his lack of food. The night before his death I syringe fed him quite a bit. He seemed very out of it all night and the next morning did not look well. He was hovering over the water bowl. I gave him fluids to relieve his thirst and within 5 minutes he started to die, right in front of my eyes. He collapsed and convulsed. It was the most painful thing to watch and we rushed him to the vet ER for euthanasia. They told me he was almost gone when I brought him in. I too, was absolutely riddled with guilt. I killed my Butters! Was it too much food all at once to digest? Did he feel sick from it? He never threw up. Was the final fluid administration enough to cause cardiac arrest? Why did I give him so much food all at once??? I googled Azithromycin and it was recommended to NOT give to cats with kidney disease. Why did my vet prescribe this??? My vet is wonderful but said that he didn't think it was the Azithromycin. I still struggle with that decision. I ALWAYS google first but didn't this time. Was he in pain during the dying process before we got him to the vet? Was he conscious? So many unanswered questions. After lots of research and talking to others I am still trying to come to terms with things. Today I believe that the weak legs, not eating, and lethargy that started a few days prior were not because he was nutrient-deficient but because his body had started shutting down a few days prior. All of it was just too much on his system and especially his heart. Did the Azithro throw him over the edge (like your flea meds)? Maybe, but I am trying to tell myself that he was such a sick boy that he probably wouldn't have been able to overcome this without it anyway. Please know that you did NOT make a hasty decision to euthanize. I wish I could have gotten my baby to the ER before he started to die because that is a sight I can never remove from my brain. You did the absolute right thing because the way you described Buttercup, death was near and I do not think she would have pulled through. Reading your story has helped me realize that I am not alone. Thank you so much for posting this. I would love to know how you're doing and would appreciate any words of advice you have since it's been 3 months since you lost Buttercup. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 24, 2022 Report Share Posted October 24, 2022 2 hours ago, Butters Mom said: Today I believe that the weak legs, not eating, and lethargy that started a few days prior were not because he was nutrient-deficient but because his body had started shutting down a few days prior. All of it was just too much on his system and especially his heart. I hope you will hold onto this belief, my dear, because it is the truth. Clearly you went above and beyond doing all you could do to keep your baby alive ~ but sadly, it was not to be. I am so sorry for your loss. And I assure you that you are NOT alone. Wishing for comfort, peace and healing to your broken heart . . . ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 25, 2022 Report Share Posted October 25, 2022 15 hours ago, Butters Mom said: I am trying to tell myself that he was such a sick boy that he probably wouldn't have been able to overcome this without it anyway. I agree with that and the statement that Marty quoted. Your mind will play tricks but keep telling yourself these statements. Few would syringe feed, you did everything your could for your Butters. My 25 1/2 year old Kitty died nearly three years ago (euthanized), she had kidneys and liver that had shut down, thyroid could be treated but not the other conditions. Euthanasia of my dog Arlie (cancer, inoperable) went very awry, and it was horrific to watch, the only thing I can tell myself after watching him go out in such utter pain was at least it's over now...but still, it haunts me somewhat. My heart goes out to you, I am sorry for your loss and for how it took place, but with your Butters, also in a better place now. The Rainbow Bridge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butters Mom Posted October 26, 2022 Report Share Posted October 26, 2022 Thank you both @MartyT and @kayc for your kind words. It really does help tremendously. Kayc, I am so sorry to hear about Arlie's experience. It can be so hard, but your words are right, "at least it's over now". I say the same thing to myself. These babies leave a permanent imprint on our hearts. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 27, 2022 Report Share Posted October 27, 2022 Yes they do. And I hope you'll keep reminding yourself it's over now for Butters as well. We are bound to miss them, that is the price for love, but oh what a beautiful journey we had along the way! And it's not over! I just noticed the link did not display, will try again: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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